Chapter Ten
Cheryl wakes me up quite late the next day.
‘Morning sleepy head. We’ve got about two hours to get to the airport.’
I jump up straight away. ‘sh!t Cheryl, why didn’t you get me up earlier? I haven’t had a shower or anything…’
‘Calm down, we’re all packed there’s nothing to worry about.’
‘sh!t Cheryl, how are you so relaxed all the time?’
‘I’m not all the time… anyway come in the front room I’ve got a surprise for you.’ She says, standing up and holding her hand out with an excited smile crossing her face.
‘Oh sh!t, Cheryl, what have you done now?’ I moan with embarrassment.
‘Will you please refrain from calling me “sh!t Cheryl”, it’s doesn’t sound very good, and shut up and come with us!’
I follow Cheryl apprehensively into the front room and see a huge rectangle box on the table in the middle of the room. Cheryl stands behind it and gets ready to lift the lid. ‘I want you to close your eyes.’
‘Whatever it is, I refuse it.’ I tell her, folding my arms.
‘It’s not like that. Just close your eyes.’
I do as I’m told, hear a bit of rustling then Cheryl says, ‘Ok, you can look.’
I open my eyes and my mouth just falls open.
Cheryl is holding up an exact copy of the dress I drew for her, in black. Exactly how I drew it, every little detail. ‘What do you think?’ she grins.
‘How did – what… did you send that sketch off?’
‘Course I did.’
‘Cheryl! I told you not to!’
‘Well it was way too good to throw away or just leave lying around, I sent it back, the people fell in love with the design and they made it, and this is it.’
‘Seriously?’ I say weakly. I move around the table and run my fingers over the dress.
‘They wanted to know who designed it and everything. I got a call asking for your business card.’
‘Your taking the p!ss.’
‘No, Kim I’m deadly serious. See, you could go so far with this… and not just this, you can really draw as well, you’ve got so many opportunities babe. This is just one of them.’ She steps back with the dress, holding it against her. ‘What do you think then?’
‘I’m in shock. But I think it’d look great on you.’
‘Shall I try it on?’
‘Yeah why not? What’re you gonna do with it anyway?’
‘It’s the Brits next month. I’m wearing this.’ Cheryl winks, then disappears into her room, laughing at the look on my face.
I pace impatiently up and down, waiting for her to come out. When I hear the door open I spin around to look. And I think my stomach explodes, and butterflies take off inside me. ‘Oh my God.’
‘Any good?’
My whole mouth has gone dry, and I clear my throat before saying, ‘You look amazing. Really amazing.’
‘Awh, good.’
‘But you can’t wear that to the Brits Cheryl.’
‘Why not?’
‘What’re you gonna say if someone asks who designed the dress? “Oh, some random druggie I took in off the streets drew it and I had it made”. It’s ridiculous.’
‘Why is it ridiculous? I’ll just tell them it was designed by a close personal friend.’
‘…I’m not sure.’
‘Kimba. Get over yourself. I’m wearing it.’ She giggles. ‘Anyway, what’s the problem? You could end up being a hotshot designer! Would that be so bad?’
‘No, I just… I don’t want to be pushed.’
Cheryl’s face softens and she comes towards me and touches my arm. ‘I’m sorry. Is that what I’m doing?’
‘No, I didn’t mean that, it’s just… I know you really want me to do something with…’
‘Your amazing talent.’ She helps out.
‘Whatever. But I’m nineteen, I’ve f*cked up my life something awful recently and I just…don’t know at the moment. Did you know what you wanted to be when you were nineteen?’
‘Yes.’ Cheryl smiles. ‘But I understand, some people never know do they? Alright, I’ll back off.’ She winks again. ‘But for the record, if that does interest you, I’d love to help you out. Get you talking to the right people and everything.’
‘And for the record, you’ve done enough for me.’
‘But can I wear this for the Brits next month? Then if you do decide you’re interested in that side of it… it’d be great for you to say the first dress you ever designed was worn by Cheryl Cole.’
‘I can’t stop you wearing it I suppose.’ I concede, defeated. She does look beautiful in it.
‘True. Will you unzip us babe, I can’t reach it.’
She turns around and once again my mouth goes dry. ‘Sure.’ I unzip the dress slowly and she shudders. ‘You’re hands are freezing!’
‘Sorry.’
‘Thanks. Right you better hurry up if you want a shower, me driver’s picking us up soon.’
‘Your driver?’
‘Yeah, Dave, he’s massive, in case any paps are hovering.’
‘Is that likely?’
‘I don’t think so but you never know.’
**
We make it onto the plane without any trouble, and it’s more or less completely empty. Cheryl and I are the first ones on there, and only about ten people get on after us.
When the plane starts to motor down the runway I grab Cheryl’s hand on the armrest.
‘You ok babe?’
I don’t answer, keeping my eyes closed, and feel her lean closer. ‘Kimba? What’s wrong?’
‘I don’t like flying.’
‘Oh Kim, why didn’t you say anything?’
‘Because it’s pathetic and stupid and really irrational, and once we’re in the air I’ll be fine, I just hate this part.’ I tell her in a hurry, my heart hammering. Cheryl takes my hand between both her own tightly. ‘It’s ok, there’s nothing to be scared of.’
‘I know, I just… talk to me.’ I ask her. ‘Tell me anything, something stupid. Your favourite chocolate. Anything. Get my mind off it.’
‘Ok…’ Cheryl says slowly. ‘Ok here’s one. I’m scared of cotton wool.’
My eyes snap open and I turn to stare at her. ‘Excuse me?!’
Cheryl laughs at the look on my face. ‘I know, crazy isn’t it?’
‘How can you be scared of cotton wool? It’s…wool!’
‘I can’t stand it. It feels horrible. I don’t use it for anything, not for make up or me nails, or anything. I can’t bear it. I had a blood test once and the doctor used a bit to clean the skin before putting the needle in, and I went mental at him. He threatened to sedate us.’
‘My God Cheryl, cotton wool, seriously?’
‘I know! Ridiculous. Sarah used to really take the p*ss with it, she’d chase me around the room with it. Actually that’s probably what made me get my own place in LA rather than keep staying with her!’
‘She sounds like a laugh.’
‘She is, you’ll like her. And guess what?’
‘What?’
‘We’re in the air now.’ She winks. She lets go of my hand and watches me lean across to stare out of the window, the only thing visible now being clouds and bits of field. ‘Oh my God… I didn’t even feel anything!’
‘Aye, told you there was nothing to be scared of.’
‘Excuse me?’
We both turn to the aisle and see a little girl stood there, her face bright red and terrified-looking. She can’t be more than about six. Cheryl’s face lights up instantly. ‘Hello pet, you alright?’
‘Are you Cheryl?’
‘Guilty.’ She laughs.
The little girl turns around. ‘Mummy! Mummy it’s her!’ she looks back at Cheryl, her face going even redder. ‘C-can I have an autograph please?’
‘Aah course you can pet, come here.’ Cheryl lifts the girl onto her lap and puts down the little table in front of her. ‘What’s your name?’
‘Sarah.’
‘Really? Wow, that’s my friends name. I’m going on holiday to see my friend Sarah. And where are you off to?’
‘Los Angeles. My mummy’s taking me to see the Jonas Brothers.’
‘Wow! Aren’t you the lucky one! Isn’t your mummy amazing?’ she says, and Sarah just giggles. Her mother comes around then. ‘Sarah, come on now love don’t bother her.’ She says nervously. ‘Sorry.’
‘Aye she’s alright she’s no trouble.’ Cheryl smiles. She quickly writes in Sarah’s little notebook and she hops down from her lap. ‘Thank you.’ She whispers in awe, walking off slowly staring at the page.
‘Have a lovely holiday Sarah! She’s gorgeous.’
‘Thank you for that, I’m sure you get far too much of that…’ her mum says, still hovering awkwardly.
‘Not nearly often enough pet.’ Cheryl laughs. Sarah suddenly runs back, and she is looking at me. ‘Who’s that?’
‘Sarah!’
‘That’s me friend Kim.’
‘Can I have her autograph too?’
I find myself laughing. ‘I’m not famous sweetheart, sorry.’
‘But you’re pretty.’ The little girl says with a giggle.
‘Aah, go on Kim.’ Cheryl winks. She takes the notebook from the child and shoves it at me. ‘Fair enough.’ I flick to the past page and scribble, Lovely to meet you Sarah enjoy your holiday! Best wishes Kim Walsh xx
‘There you go.’
‘Thank you pretty lady.’ Sarah says, skipping away again.
When her mother follows her, Cheryl turns to me. ‘How adorable was she?’
‘She was alright…’
‘Aah come on, them little rosy cheeks and blonde curls…’
‘Calm down, if her mother hears you she’ll think you’re some sort of peado.’
‘Oh shut up.’ She slaps my arm. ‘I’m going to the loo.’
‘I’m going to sleep.’
**
‘Kimbaaaa! Wake up sleeping beauty!’
‘Whaaat?’ I moan, sitting up. There’s an ache in my neck and I’m stiff everywhere.
‘We’ve landed pet.’ Cheryl giggles.
‘Seriously? I’ve been asleep that long?’
‘Slept like a baby.’
‘I’m sorry, have you been bored?’
‘No, you bore me anyway so I enjoyed the silence.’ Cheryl laughs.
‘You’re hilarious Cheryl, really.’ I yawn.
When we make our way through arrivals Cheryl starts towards a man holding a sign that says ‘Tweedy’.
‘Who’s Tweedy?’
‘That’s me maiden name. If I had ‘Cole’ people would notice quicker.’ She tells me. She greets the huge guy with the sign then follows him out to a black car with blacked out windows. It’s absolutely boiling outside and I’m instantly feeling sweaty and clammy, even though it’s about one in the morning over here. ‘Sh*t!’ Cheryl says suddenly, making me turn to look where she is looking. Three men are running from the opposite end of the airport. ‘Sh*t, get in the car Kim.’
‘Why, what?’
‘Get in, quick!’
Cheryl throws open the back door and climbs in, so I run round the car and get in the other side. Before I even close the door fully the car has started and is off. ‘Sh*t, Cheryl, who was that, the mafia?’
‘No, just paps. And there you go again calling me sh*t Cheryl! This has got to stop.’ she says, making me laugh.
‘They were really going for it, weren’t they? How badly do they want a picture of you?’
‘Very.’ She sighs. ‘Don’t let it bother you, they won’t be around while we’re here. They don’t know where I live or anything.’
**
When we pull up outside Cheryl’s “little place”, as she calls it, I just stare at it open mouthed. It’s not huge, but it’s big enough, and it’s the most beautiful, modern house I’ve ever seen. It looks like something out of ‘Home and Away’, or one of those American shows where everyone seems to live right on the beach. ‘Are you coming in, or are you gonna stand there all night?’ Cheryl calls from the porch. I follow her in a daze, still looking like a stunned goldfish while she shows me around the rooms of the house.
She takes me into a room with an enormous double bed and pulls me to the balcony. ‘I want to show you something.’
We stand on the balcony, and there’s a lovely cool breeze blowing right into us. ‘What am I looking at?’
‘Nothing. But listen. Listen really careful.’
I look at Cheryl in confusion while we stand there in silence, then I catch it and gasp a little. ‘I can hear the sea… is that the sea?’ I whisper.
‘Yes! Doesn’t it sound lovely?’
I lean on the balcony, and Cheryl does the same, smiling at me. ‘Listen, I’ve got a bit of a problem. I’ve never had anyone stay here before… so I don’t have another bedroom with an actual bed in it.’
I can’t help but snort with laughter. ‘Cheryl, a few weeks ago I was crashing under bridges and on park benches in the snow and minus whatever degrees. I think I’ll survive on the sofa.’
‘No Kim, I was gonna say you’ll have to share with us.’
‘Oh, right.’
‘There’s no way you’re sleeping on the sofa. It’s brand new, don’t want your ass print ruining it.’
‘You cheeky cow!’
**
I do end up sharing Cheryl’s bed. I’m not comfortable with doing this for the whole holiday, although I’d never tell her that, because she’d want to know why, and I couldn’t tell her it’s because I think I have feelings for her. No, don’t lie to yourself Kim. I know I have feelings for her. I was in denial about it. Then she kissed me.
I am dreaming about that kiss when she wakes me up. I couldn’t have been asleep that long and I feel instantly quite annoyed. It still looks partially dark outside. Cheryl is kneeling next to me, fully dressed in shorts and a bikini top with her hair up in a bun. ‘Get up.’
‘What time is it?’
‘Half six.’
‘You have got to be joking me!’ I moan, rolling away from her. Cheryl pulls be back. ‘Please Kim I want to show you something.’
‘Will it still be there in a few hours?’
‘Not like this. Please?’
‘Fine.’ I grumble. ‘You’ll pay for this, Tweedy.’
‘Is that what you’re gonna call me now?’
‘Only when you p*ss me off and wake me up at stupid o clock in the morning!’
**
Cheryl leads me to the back door of the house, where there are some steps going up, surrounded by bushes and trees and overgrown plants. ‘I didn’t know you had your own jungle.’ I comment.
‘We’ll be past this in a second.’ She says. ‘Look, turn here.’
We come out of the trees and there is a clearing of nothing but sand, then what looks like a giant rock, which Cheryl heads straight for. ‘We’re not climbing that, are we?’ I say apprehensively.
‘Yeah, course. It’s not hard, just follow me.’ She assures me. ‘It’ll be worth it.’
She’s right. It is.
We get to the top, out of breath, but when I see the view I think I stop breathing for a second anyway. Smiling at my expression, Cheryl lays a towel on the floor and sits down, pulling me down beside her. We’re at the top of a small cliff that slopes up and stops more or less directly facing the back of her house. It looks right down onto a tiny section of a beach, and we can see right out to sea, where the sun is rising. ‘That’s beautiful.’
‘Aye. Is this honestly the first time you’re seeing the ocean?’
I just nod, listening to waves hit the rocks below. ‘And what do you think?’
I don’t answer. I just have to look, drink it in. My hand is resting on the beach towel and Cheryl places her hand over mine. The sound of the sea and the sight of the sun rising has most of my attention, but my heartbeat quickens at this simple gesture. ‘I’m glad you’re here with me.’ She tells me. I turn to face her. ‘Why?’
‘Because – because since I met you I haven’t felt lonely.’ She says sadly.
‘Why do you feel lonely?’
She shrugs. ‘Doesn’t matter.’
‘Yes it does.’
‘I just – after I got divorced, even though I know I did the right thing… I had to get used to being on me own again. Never having anyone to go home to, or call at the end of a hard day.’
Silence falls between us, because I don’t really know what to say to that. Cheryl stands up suddenly and pulls me with her. ‘Come here, come to the edge.’
‘Are you stupid?!’
‘No look.’
Cheryl lies down and leans her head over the edge. God, her arse looks good in that bikini… I lie down next to her. ‘Close your eyes.’ She warns. I do, just as the next wave comes in. The sea hits the rocks and the spray comes right up to us, just like she said, making me squeal.
‘Aargh! God it’s freezing!’
Cheryl rolls onto her back and I do the same. ‘I know it’s not the same…’ I say slowly. ‘But, all that you just said about being alone. Well, you’ve got me now.’
‘Aah, Kimba…’
‘I know it’s not the same--’
‘Nah, it’s better.’ She says.
‘Cheryl?’
‘Yeah?’
‘If you feel lonely… will you tell me?’
‘Erm, why?’
‘Because it’s not a nice feeling and I don’t want you to be. That’s all.’
‘Okay then. Oh, by the way.’
‘What?’
‘I haven’t shown you the pool.’ Cheryl grins.
**
A few hours later, after a long breakfast, I find myself sat on the edge of the pool, my legs in the water, watching Cheryl propel herself from one end to the other. ‘Aren’t you coming in?’
‘No, I don’t swim.’
‘You don’t swim? Why not?’
‘I just don’t, it’s boring.’
‘You’re boring.’ She laughs. She kicks water at me but she’s miles away and completely misses. ‘Watch this.’ She says, then she dives under and does a handstand underwater. She comes back up and I just say, ‘you’re like a child, Cheryl.’
‘I know. I’m going inside for a drink, d’you want anything?’
‘No thanks.’
‘HELLLOOOOOOOO!!’ a loud voice suddenly screams through the silence, making me jump. ‘Cheryl fricking Tweedy you better have champagne on ice, I’ve missed you and I’ve brought moooore!’
A tall blonde comes storming though the house, stops dead when she sees me by the pool. She had a large bottle in one hand. ‘Who are you?’
‘I--’
‘Sarah!’
The blonde turns around as Cheryl comes out of the house. They both scream at the same time, Cheryl drops the ice lolly in her hand and they both hug tightly. I use the time to stand up and pull on a thin top and some shorts. This is obviously the infamous Sarah Harding, and she’s seen me for the first time in a bikini. Great.
‘So who’s you’re friend? I assume she’s your friend and not just a homeless person who fancied a swim?’ Sarah laughs, turning back to me.
‘Nah. Kim, meet Sarah. Sarah, this is my Kimba.’
‘You’re Kimba? Awh Cheryl that’s a bit gay.’ She laughs. Then taking me by surprise she hugs me. ‘Good to meet you kidda! You up for a drink?’
‘For God’s sake Sarah, do you try and turn everyone into an alcoholic within sixty seconds of meeting them?’
‘I’m insulted Chez. Come on, it’s boiling today and I’m parched. Crack her open!’
**
It doesn’t take long for Sarah to ask, ’So how long have you two known each other?’
We never discussed it, but Cheryl must know I don’t want this woman to know anything about me, at least not yet. She says, ‘Not that long. Kim’s an up and coming designer, Lily put me in touch with her, she’s done the dress I’m wearing for the Brits next month.’
‘Nice! So What’re you doing out here?’ she directs the question at me but Cheryl, thankfully, answers. ‘She’s looking for places to study to get a proper degree, so I said she could stay with us.’
Maybe it’s my imagination, but Sarah looks quite suspicious. She is squinting at me slightly, a tiny frown on her face. I smile nervously at her and she flashes one back quickly. ‘I’m gonna get another bottle, any more for any more?’
‘No, please!’ Cheryl groans.
‘I’ll have another.’ I tell her.
‘This is my kind of girl!’ Sarah cheers. ‘You’re such a lightweight Cheryl.’
‘And you’re drunk already! Stay here, I’ll go in the kitchen.’ Cheryl sighs. Sarah slaps her arse as she leaves, making her scream, and we all laugh.
No sooner is Cheryl out of earshot, Sarah is on it. ‘What’s the deal with you two then?’
‘What do you mean?’ I sigh, already reminded of my conversation with Gary all that time ago.
‘I don’t buy what Cheryl just said. There’s more to it than that.’
‘That’s up to you, I can’t make you believe her.’ I shrug. I reach for my glass then realise it’s empty, so I just play with it awkwardly.
‘Cheryl’s finally looking happy again, you know.’ Sarah informs me. ‘I’ve not seen her like this in a long time.’
‘And?’
‘Whatever you are to her, don’t hurt her.’
‘Why does everyone think I want to hurt her?’
‘Look Kim, you seem like a nice girl. I might seem like a nutter to you, but I care about Cheryl. We both come from the same crazy world and she’s my best friend.’
‘She’s my friend too.’ I tell her, more than a little annoyed. But I try and make allowances. Up until now, I do like Sarah.
‘Then any friend of Cheryl’s is a friend of mine.’ She smiles. ‘I don’t mean to sound like a cow, I just want her to be ok, you know?’
‘I’d be careful with the amount of alcohol you’re giving her then.’ I say. When Cheryl comes back out, we’re laughing, so she is none the wiser.
**
‘Sarah are you staying over?’ Cheryl says groggily from the sofa. We moved inside a few hours ago and we’ve all had more than enough to drink. I feel incredibly sick and dizzy.
‘Nah, Tommy can pick me up.’ Sarah groans, pulling out her phone and texting. She’s lay on the rug on the floor, cradling a bottle.
‘Who’s Tommy?’ I ask.
‘Fiancé.’ Sarah says, a drunken smile crossing her face.
‘Aah, congratulations.’
‘Thanks. Hey you should come to the wedding if you’re available! Plenty of hot guys are gonna be there…’
I catch Cheryl’s eye and we both laugh. ‘What’s funny about that?’
Cheryl can’t seem to stop giggling. ‘N-nothing…’
‘Cheryl! Come on, what?! I feel left out now!’
‘Sarah. I’m gay.’ I tell her bluntly. Cheryl keeps laughing. Sarah just looks at me for a second, then, unexpectedly she just says, ‘Well one of the bridesmaids is really gorgeous, right…’
Cheryl laughs even louder. ‘Stop it, I’m gonna wet meself!’ she shrieks.
‘Cheryl, I think you need to go to bed.’ Sarah says seriously.
‘I told you we shouldn’t let her drink anymore…’
‘What can I say? I’m a bad influence. Good luck holding her hair back all night.’ Sarah says to me.
‘I am here, y’know.’ Cheryl moans.
‘Just about!’ me and Sarah say at the same time, and we all start laughing again.
Soon there is a beeping from outside. ‘That’ll be Tommy.’ Sarah slurs. Cheryl is completely out of it on the couch, so I struggle to my feet. ‘I’ll walk you out.’
I more or less carry Sarah to the car, saying a brief hello to Tommy. ‘This is my new best mate!’ Sarah shouts. Tommy just laughs.
‘Sorry about how I was before.’ Sarah sighs. ‘I hope you don’t think badly of me…’
‘Course not, you’re looking out for your friend. No worries, yeah?’
‘I’ll see you soon.’ Sarah says, hugging me tightly. ‘Hope you don’t get a hangover.’
‘If I do I’m coming to find you, Harding!’
**
‘Cheryl, come on, you have to get in bed.’
‘Leave me alone…’
‘Cheryl I’m not leaving you on the sofa, get up!’
‘Why do you seem sober?’ Cheryl moans as I help her up and towards the bedroom.
‘I’m not, I’m just stronger with my drink than you.’
‘That’s not fair.’
‘Well we all have our crosses to bear.’ I snigger. ‘Come on, time to sleep.’
I get the light off before crawling into the huge double bed. I think Cheryl has already dropped off, when she slides closer to me. ‘Thanks for being so cool with Sarah.’
‘She’s alright. A bit mad, but alright.’
‘Sorry I lied about how we met.’
‘I’m glad you did. It was a bit feeble, but it’s better than the truth, for now anyway.’
‘I’m glad you think so.’ She sighs. ‘I’m just going to the loo…’
‘Are you ok? Do you feel sick?’
‘No I’m fine, I just need to pee.’ Cheryl giggles. ‘Back in a minute.’
I’m half asleep when Cheryl comes back, and it takes me quite a few seconds to realise she’s crawled almost completely on top of me.
‘Cheryl… what’re you doing?’
‘Kiss me.’ She whispers, her breath hot on my face.
‘What? Cheryl you’re--’ I don’t get any further. She pulls my head up to meet her lips, forcing them apart with her own and diving right in with her tongue. My mind goes completely blank. I start kissing her back.
I realise what I’m doing and pull away quickly, pushing Cheryl off me. ‘Cheryl. Stop it.’
‘What? Why?’
‘Because you’re very, very drunk, and you’ll regret this in the morning.’ I tell her firmly. ‘I’m gonna kip on the sofa.’
‘No, Kimba, don’t I’m sorry.’
‘It’s alright, Cheryl, just… you’re drunk. I’m not doing this while you’re like this. I’ll see you in the morning.’ I stumble out of bed and leave the room before she can argue anymore.
