Chapter Eleven
Every year on my birthday, my daddy would set up a treasure hunt for me to find my presents. Even when I got too old, he would do it, and I would play along, pretending I hated it and I was bored, when really I loved every second.
He woke me up very early on my seventeenth birthday, so early it was still dark outside, smiling like it was any other birthday, but it wasn’t. ‘Dad, you shouldn’t be up!’ I told him. ‘What are you doing?’
‘Happy Birthday Kimberley.’ He said hoarsely. I hated hearing him speak by this point. His voice wasn’t the same any more. ‘It’s time for your treasure hunt! Come on, up you get!’
‘Dad… come on, I’m too old for this.’
‘You say that every year since you were thirteen baby girl. But we still do it!’
‘Well, I’m serious this time, Dad. Anyway, you’re too sick.’
I climbed out of bed, intending to get him back in his own. But he grabbed my wrist tightly. ‘For God’s sake girl, do as you’re told!’ he croaked. ‘God knows this might be the last birthday I’ll ever spend with you.’
‘Dad. You’re hurting me.’
He let go then, his hands shaking. ‘I’m sorry, Kimberley.’
‘Dad, please don’t cry.’ I said, my own eyes filling up. I hugged him tightly and we had a little cry together. ‘Where does the trail start this year then?’ I said brightly.
He smiled at me and took my hand. ‘Follow me. I’ll show you.’
I wake up quite suddenly, realise it’s because Cheryl is there, shaking me. She sighs with relief when I open my eyes and falls to her knees beside the sofa. ‘I couldn’t wake you then.’ She says dramatically. ‘I got really scared for a second.’
‘Sorry, guess I was in a deep sleep.’ I mutter, sitting up slowly. We look at each other, awkwardness descending. What happened last night falls between us like a wall. I know Cheryl is about to bring it up, but I’m really not in the mood. Other things are on my mind right now.
‘Kimba, listen… can I talk to you about last night?’
‘What about it?’ I yawn.
‘Well, you know.’
‘Do I?’
‘Don’t start, Kim. You know what I mean.’
‘Enlighten me.’ I shrug. Cheryl looks really irritated. I enjoy it.
‘When I kissed you!’ she half shouts, flinching.
‘Oh that.’
‘Yes, that.’ Cheryl sighs. ‘Look, I… I really don’t know what came over us, I was really drunk.’
‘That’s what I said last night.’
‘I’m very sorry.’
‘That’s ok.’
‘I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.’
‘Right.’
‘So, can we… forget it happened?’
‘Whatever.’
‘For God’s sake. I knew this would happen!’
‘What?!’ I say, genuinely puzzled.
‘You’re at it again, pushing me away.’ She says. She has that puppy-dog-eyes look on her face. ‘See this is what I didn’t want. You’re going all cold on me again because of what I did last night.’
‘No I’m not, Cheryl.’
‘Yes you are, with all the one word answers and not looking at us when I’m talking to you. Please don’t do this. We’ve got so close, Kimba, don’t push us away again. I’m so sorry, ok?’
‘Cheryl, I’m not doing that.’
‘Then what’s going on?’ she says desperately. ‘I feel like you’re pushing me away…’
‘Will you stop saying that!’ I snap, standing up abruptly. ‘I’m not pushing you away, I’ve just got other things to worry about than your pathetic drunken dramas!’
Before I know what I’m doing I storm out of the room. I’ve got no real idea where I’m going, but I end up on the cliff behind the house, looking down at the sea, flicking little pebbles into the waves below.
Cheryl follows me up about half an hour later. She always knows when to give me time to cool off. She sits next to me, crossing her legs. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘It’s nothing, really. I’m sorry I bit you’re head off.’
‘It’s alright. Tell me what’s wrong.’
‘I can’t.’
‘How come?’
‘Because – because if I do, it makes it real, and… and it’ll probably upset you, then it’ll upset me, and I don’t want to be upset, I just want to… enjoy myself while I’m here.’
Cheryl turns her body to face me. ‘Kimba. Look at me.’
When I do, she smiles slightly. ‘Get it off your chest, babe.’
I vow to myself on the spot that I’m not going to cry. ‘It’s my birthday today.’
Cheryl gasps, her hands flying to her mouth. ‘Oh, Kimba! Why didn’t you tell us?! I haven’t got you anything… why didn’t you tell us?!’
‘Because I knew you’d say something like that.’ I laugh weakly.
‘Oh, Kim… Happy Birthday! But I don’t understand why… why that would upset you, or me?’
I start taking deeper breaths. ‘This is really hard for me, Cheryl, so let me take my time, ok?’
Cheryl comes a bit closer, and holds out her hand. ‘If you need to, it’s there.’ She says, wiggling her fingers with a smile. I nod slowly, and, staring at her hand the whole time, I tell her about my dad and his treasure hunts, and that last one we ever did together, while my mum and Adam were still asleep, just the two of us.
I manage not to cry, but a lump forms in my throat so big that I can’t carry on past that, and just close my eyes. ‘I really miss him right now.’ I whisper. I can feel the tears stinging the back of my eyes, and I need her to hold me. So when she once again moves closer, right next to me, and pulls me to lean on her shoulder, holding me in her arms, I fall against her easily, resting one hand on her leg.
‘It’s alright babe, let it out.’
‘No.’ I say firmly. ‘I’m not crying. Not today. I’ll be fine. I’m sorry Cheryl, I didn’t mean to take it out on you, you weren’t to know.’
‘It’s alright babe, I understand.’
‘You’re too understanding sometimes!’ I tell her. ‘And last night… don’t worry about it, yeah?’
‘I’m really embarrassed about it.’
‘It’s alright, you were stupidly drunk.’ Trying to lighten the tension, I add, ‘I’ll forgive you just for being a good kisser.’
Cheryl snorts with laughter. ‘Whaaat?! Am I?’
‘I’ve had worse.’ I say, glad she laughed. I can’t lie, I wish she hadn’t been drunk. But I don’t want it to be weird between us, so I let it go.
‘Shall I call Sarah? As soon as she knows it’s your birthday she’ll be straight here with another crate of booze, no danger.’
‘God no! I can’t handle another night like that.’ I say.
‘What do you want to do today then? It’s your day. Whatever you wanna do, we will.’
‘Nothing.’
‘Aah come on Kimba! Your twenty today right?’
‘Yes Cheryl, twenty usually comes after nineteen.’
‘Ha bloody ha! Well how about we get ready, you think of something to do, and we’ll make a day of it.’
‘I’m really not fussed Cheryl. It’s just another day.’
‘No, it’s not.’ Cheryl says firmly. ‘Look, if we don’t do something, what’re you gonna do today? Sit around, miserable, feeling sorry for yourself and thinking about your dad and upsetting yourself. Am I right?’
‘…I suppose so.’ I mumble. She is right.
‘Ok. So how about you go and get a shower, get yourself dressed, and we’ll celebrate your birthday properly.’
‘I wouldn’t know what to do.’
‘I’ll think of something.’ Cheryl grins, sitting up and pulling me to my feet. ‘Come on Kimba. I’m gonna make sure you have a great day. What do you say?’
‘If you insist.’
‘I do. Come on, race you to the bathroom!’
‘Cheryl, you have two bathrooms.’
‘Oh yeah. You’re so boring.’ Cheryl laughs.
‘No I’m not!’
‘Prove it! I’ll race you to the bathroom!’
‘Fine, eat my dust Tweedy!’
