Chapter Three
The first thing I am aware of when I wake up is that I am wrapped up in a huge comfortable bed, but I’m just in my underwear. I sit up quickly but feel dizzy. Cheryl is next to me.
‘Hey, hey, it’s ok. It’s only me.’
‘Where am I?’
‘In your room, well the room the spare room, in me flat.’
I stare at Cheryl for ages. She looks exhausted. I feel terrible, but before I get to that I say, ‘Where are my clothes?’
Cheryl bites her lip nervously. ‘You threw up pet, I had to get you out of them.’
‘…Oh.’
‘How do you feel now?’
‘Alright… I think.’
‘D’you want something to eat? Or drink?’
‘No, I’m…Cheryl, I…’
I don’t know what to say. By the looks of her, Cheryl has sat up with me all night. Her eyes are wide and tired, her hair is sticking up on one side, and she’s still wearing the clothes she was in yesterday.
‘I’m so sorry.’ I whisper. And I mean it. She went out of her way to help me, but she never signed up for this. Last night must have been awful for her. I don’t even remember throwing up.
Cheryl raises her hand and tenderly tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. The intimate gesture makes me uncomfortable, and I shiver slightly. ‘It’s okay…’
‘No it’s not. I didn’t mean--’
‘I don’t blame you, Kim. I should have realised. You can’t just… stop, with heroin, can you, I mean--’
‘Yes, you can.’ I interrupt. ‘Because I’m going to. I’m never touching it again.’ I look around and see my bag at the end of the bed. I lean forwards and pull it towards me. Hiding the other contents of it from Cheryl, I extract the last of the drugs and lay them on the bed between us. ‘I’m going out. I’m getting rid of it.’
Cheryl doesn’t say anything. She is staring at the thing in disgust. ‘Let’s go one step at a time.’ She says quietly. ‘We can deal with this stuff later.’
‘I’m so sorry. You never asked for any of this. I’ll happily get out of your house right now if you want me to.’
‘You’re not going anywhere.’ Cheryl says firmly. ‘I know you were a bit… worse for wear, but last night you said you wanted me to help you. Do you?’
‘Yes.’ I whisper, not meeting her eyes, ashamed of myself for admitting weakness. Cheryl clasps my hand tightly. ‘Then I will, Kim.’
‘But I’m not your responsibility.’
‘You are if I want you to be.’
‘How do you know what you’re letting yourself in for? Why do you trust me?’
‘Why do you keep trying to change me mind?’
‘Why do you always answer a question with a question?’
Cheryl just smiles. I’m starting to get really irritated by this. She never seems to take me seriously. ‘Well, you never answer any of my questions.’ She says slyly.
‘What can I say? I did only meet you two days ago… I’m just a private person I
guess.’
‘I was only kidding pet. I don’t expect you to tell us your life story. So, how about that shower, and I’ll fix you something to eat?’
I nod nervously and go to get up, then stop. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘I haven’t got any clothes on.’
Cheryl laughs. ‘Hang on a sec.’
Cheryl quickly leaves the room, and comes back in with a long, silky black gown. ‘I’ve washed your clothes, and I’ve got plenty of other things that’ll fit you… we’ll have to take you shopping.’
I choose to ignore this, the generosity makes me uncomfortable. Cheryl tactfully goes to the window and averts her eyes while I stumble out of bed and quickly wrap myself up. ‘What’re you hungry for then?’
‘Nothing, I mean, whatever.’
‘I’ll surprise you then.’ She says breezily. ‘Bathrooms all yours.’ She nods towards the door and goes to the kitchen. I hear one of her dogs start barking and she makes a loud shushing noise.
**
Cheryl is still in the kitchen when I come out of the shower, but she has left a fresh pair of jeans and a white blouse on the bed I slept in for me. I get dressed and wander around the flat. The wall of music in the main room attracts me. There is a huge stereo in the middle, surrounded by shelves and shelves of CD’s. I’m so into browsing them that I don’t notice Cheryl come silently out of the kitchen with two plates and stand there watching me, smiling to herself. I have just spotted a row of three CD’s with her name on them when she speaks. ‘See anything you like?’
She makes me jump, which makes her laugh. ‘Here you go.’
She’s made a full English breakfast, and plonks mine on the table in the middle of the room before sitting down and diving right into her own. I watch her for a second before sitting down myself. She looks up with her mouth full and mumbles, ‘Not a pretty sight I know, but I’m starving and the dogs will be after it if I don’t hurry up.’
For the first time since… I can’t even remember… I start laughing. ‘You’re so tiny, where do you put it all?!’
Cheryl laughs too, then chokes, then starts coughing violently, which just makes me laugh harder.
‘Glad you find it funny!’ Cheryl says when she catches her breath. ‘So, admiring my music collection?’
‘I’ve never seen so much music in my life! Have you even had time to listen to it all?’
‘Nope, but I love buying music, proper music. There’s something that doesn’t seem real about all this downloading business for me… I’d rather have the real thing. Plus, I fail at using computers.’
‘Can’t you use a computer?’
‘I’ve got a few, but I’m not great with them.’
‘Why have them then?’
‘I can use email, that’s about it.’
We fall silent while we eat. The bigger Chihuahua, Buster, comes trotting in and sits in front of me, staring at me.
‘Buster. C’mere, Bust, come on!’
‘It’s ok, he’s fine. I don’t mind little dogs.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Of course, it’s their house too.’
Cheryl swallows the last of her food and pushes the plate away. ‘Stick some music on if you like.’
‘Alright.’ I was waiting for her to say that. I pick the first of the three of her albums and put it on. Cheryl giggles. ‘There’s about a thousand CD’s there and you choose that one?’
‘Yep.’
I sit back down and we both sit in silence for ages, just listening to song after song. I know a few of them, I know ‘3 Words’ and ‘Fight for This Love’ were singles. ‘It’s good.’
Cheryl just smiles. I don’t know what else to say so again we just listen.
‘So, are you gonna tell us a bit about yourself or do I have to keep guessing?’ Cheryl says. I just shrug; I suppose after last night a few walls have to come down. ‘What do you want to know?’
‘I dunno, anything. But you don’t have to tell us anything you’re uncomfortable with; you were right, we did only meet two days ago.’
‘How about… I’ll tell you what I want to answer, and if I don’t want to answer, I’ll just… stay quiet.’
‘Sounds like a plan.’
‘Alright.’
‘Alright… D’you want to contact your family?’
‘Sorry?’ I wasn’t expecting that.
‘They must be so worried about you, Kim.’ She says softly. ‘Do you want to call someone? Your mum, or your brother? Just let them know you’re ok.’
‘No. They don’t care.’
‘I’m sure they do.’
‘They don’t.’
‘You might think that now, but--’
‘No, Cheryl, I’m serious. Look, do you read newspapers, watch the news?’
‘I don’t read papers, but I watch the news sometimes. Why?’
‘When did you last watch it?’
‘Erm… probably that night I found you. Why?’
‘I left home exactly sixteen days ago. Technically I’m a missing person. Have you seen anything on the news about me? They’re not looking for me, they don’t care, Cheryl.’
Cheryl doesn’t argue. She just looks desperately sad. ‘There must be someone. A friend. A boyfriend?’
I can’t help myself. I snort with laughter. ‘Definitley not.’
‘What’s funny about that?’
I just raise my eyebrows at her. Cheryl continues to stare at me in confusion, then it looks like she twigs. ‘Oh…’ she says slowly. ‘Should I have said… girlfriend?’
‘I don’t have one. But yeah, you’re on the right track.’
‘Ah. I see.’ Cheryl suddenly sits up quickly, looking shocked. ‘That’s not why you left is it?’ she appears angry. ‘Did you tell your family you were…’
‘Gay.’
‘Yes. And they… what, disowned you or something.’
‘No, it wasn’t like that. Well… it wasn’t exactly like that.’ This is dangerous territory.
‘What was it like then?’
I stay silent. Cheryl smiles knowingly. ‘Fair enough, pet. I’ll leave that alone shall I?’
‘Please.’ I say gratefully.
Cheryl stands up and extracts her phone from her pocket, sits down with it. ‘If you ever change your mind about calling someone, you can always use this.’ She says. ‘I’ve usually got it on us, but just grab it if you need to.’
‘Thanks, but I won’t need to. There’s no need to look so depressed about it, but I won’t need to.’ I stand up, intending to get rid of my empty plate, but before I can, Cheryl gets up too, comes straight towards me and hugs me tightly. ‘Never think nobody cares about you.’ She says sincerely. ‘Someone, somewhere, is thinking about you, and loves you, and will always care about you, pet.’
She lets go, smiles awkwardly and takes the plates away. I just stand there, a bit stunned. I feel like I’m being watched and look down to see Buster staring at me again. ‘What’re you looking at?’
He cocks his head to the side, then walks away, following Cheryl. Great idea Kim, p!ss the dog off. I sit back down, and become lost in the music.
