VOICE ON THE RADIO | PHAN [✓]

f o u r t e e n

Dan never thought post concert depression was a thing until now. All he wanted was to go back to last night because it truly had been the best night in his entire existence and now it was over. He had been counting down and suddenly his countdown was in the negatives.  It was weird to think he had been the happiest he had ever been and now it felt like he would never be happy again. But, he always did have a flare for the dramatic.

Anna was experiencing the same thing so he didn't feel guilty in being mopey after having a blast last night. Both of them were unable to fall asleep after all the excitement and they stayed up watching the videos they had taken until they passed out at 5am. They both woke up at noon and had made pancakes. Now they were sitting on Dan's bed switching between concert videos and interviews they had both watched enough times to almost have them memorized.

All he could think about was the feeling of the bass in his chest and how despite not being able to speak, he felt like he had never been louder. The crowd weren't strangers, they were friends, family even. He actually fit in last night and the thought of going back to school and being the outcast once again terrified him.

He couldn't get Phil out of his head either. The way his hand fit perfectly in his own and when their eyes met all of Dan's insecurities seemed to completely disappear. Phil Lester had a way of making Dan feel beautiful without doing anything except existing.

His voice was forever engrained in his mind and he would be completely content in having his voice be the only voice he ever heard for the rest of his life. To be able to be the reason Phil smiled on a daily basis and the reason he wanted to wake up in the morning.

Dan Howell had fallen inconveniently in love with Phil Lester.

But that seemed too illogical to Dan because love wasn't something that just happened when a band member pulled you up on stage and gave you the attention everyone in the room was dying to receive.

But love also wasn't constricted into one form. It was laid out along a long spectrum of different forms and Dan had definitely landed on a specific form, whatever it may be.

All he knew was that he was in love with a band member that more than likely had already forgotten about him. A band member that saw him as nothing more than just a fan who maybe loved him a little too much. A band member who would never look at Dan the way Dan looked at him.

Phil would always be more than just some guy in a band to Dan because Phil was without a doubt the reason Dan was still here. Dan wasn't completely sure of that fact until last night. Their music had helped him survive through the short months he had known of them and it would continue to do so until the day he died. Nothing he could say would ever explain how much Vegas had truly helped him.

It was something that Dan was sure you didn't understand until it happened to you. Dan would seem obsessive to others but to him it made sense. He had put so much faith into this one band and many people just wouldn't get it. They wouldn't get it because they didn't understand how much one bands lyrics could give Dan so much comfort and hope and how the funny things they did could make him smile whenever he had a shit day.

This band had saved Dan's life and nothing he could say or do would ever express how grateful he truly was.

Meanwhile, Phil was trying to concentrate on soundcheck in another city but his mind was still stuck in London. Specifically, his mind was stuck on the mute boy who seemed to speak louder than anyone Phil had ever known.

He didn't know why he was unable to stop thinking about him. He had met thousands of fans at this point but none had ever stuck out as much as he had and he didn't even ask for his name. All he had was his face stuck in his head and his smile that could light up any room he was in and his eyes that said more words than he could ever write down.

Phil had never felt this way before and he couldn't shake the feeling away. He felt so stupid for being so hung up on someone he had spent less than an hour with. Love at first sight wasn't something Phil believed in so he assumed it was simply just an infatuation with someone who was extremely attractive.

But it still seemed to be more than that. He didn't know why but he couldn't keep his eyes off of him throughout the show. No matter where he looked in the crowd, his eyes always ended up falling onto him. Something about him made him stand out in the sea of people and it wasn't just because he had front row. A few times it felt like just Phil on the stage and just the nameless boy in the crowd.

Something made him feel the need to reach out and grab his hand. Something made him pull him up onto stage. Something drew him into the brightest star he had ever seen.

All Phil knew was that he would more than likely never see the boy again. Even if he did go to another show the chance of him being front row again was slim.

He needed to see this boy again because for the first time in Phil's life, he suddenly knew who his songs were about.