Struggles of a Fangirl

Struggle #51

I broke her nose.

And I'm not sorry about it either.

The guards brought us to the principals office and we sat in complete silence as she scowlded us about fighting on the first day of school. She didn't even want to hear about how the fight started, she was was too busy yelling at us about how immature we are and how we need to grow up.

I glance over at London to see if any of this is effecting her, but she's just staring straight ahead with a stoic expression on her face. I glance at the bloody tissue in her hands that she held against her nose to stop the bleeding. The nurse bandaged up her nose so now she looks like some kind of clown with white gause wrapped around her nose. My fingers are growing cold from holding the ice pack against my cheek where London bashed me in the face with her fist. I have a slight headache and my knuckles are a bit swollen. I feel proud of myself. Not for getting into a fight but for standing up for myself. Yeah I could have handled it in a better manner but this is just step one in no longer being a wallflower. I'm speaking out regardless. No more being a doormat for others.

In the middle of her rant, the door opens and in walks the school secretary. "The girls parents are here." She says. I tense up instantly, a nervous feeling growing in the pit of my stomach. London's firm gaze finally breaks and she shifts in her seat.

"Send them in." Principle Evens tells the secretary. The door creeks and moments later I hear the shuffling of feet entering the room. I'm too afraid to look over my shoulder to meet the gaze of my mom.

"What happened?" My head whirls around to meet the cold gaze of my dad. His eyes flash when he sees the purple and blue bruise under my eye. "What's this I hear about you getting into a fight?" He barks.

Another voice speaks up, saving me from having to answer right away. "London Anna-Marie Michaels you better start talking and quick. I had to leave work to come here so you better choose your words wisely." I look over my other shoulder to see the weather lady from channel 6, London's mom. It's shocks me to see how much they look alike on person. The same thick and dark hair, wide shaped eyes and olive complexion. They could almost be twins if it weren't for the age lines around her mom's eyes.

"Take a seat." Mrs. Evens tells them. They sit down in the chairs behind us in an angry huff, I stare down at the floor and try to ignore the holes being burned into my back. "During lunch hour today I walked into the cafeteria to find London on the floor, her nose gushing blood and Kacey standing over her with a bruise under her eye. I wanted to wait until you both arrived before letting them explain theirselves." Mrs. Evens glances over at me. "Kacey, why don't you tell your side first."

I stare at her, trying to figure out if there's some kind of reason why she chose me to explain first. I glance out the corner of my eye, to see what London's reaction is. Her face remains blank and she continues staring blankly ahead. I sit up straight and put the ice pack down in my lap before clearing my throat to speak. "London and I have never been the best of friends. We've never been on good terms and she's always hated me for some reason. She's been bullying me since we were in middle school and I always put up with it, pretending like it didn't bother me.

When I won the competition over the summer I thought it was my chance to get away from her. But somehow she mananged to wind up on the tour too and has been tormenting me from day one. I usually just ignore London but this summer she's really been pushing me to my limit. I've been under alot of stress, I'm sure you've heard all about it." I say. Mrs. Evans nods her head and I continue. "London came over to the lunch table and just started unnecessary drama. She went too far and I couldn't take it anymore. So I pulled her hair and slapped her and next thing you know we're in an all out brawl."

"So you threw the first hit?" Mrs. Evens asks.

I hesitate before answering her, "Y-yes ma'am."

Mrs. Evens nods her head and I hear someone rustle in their seat behind me. "Can I just point out," My dad begins. "That Kacey has been dealing with alot of bad publicity lately and this is so out of character for her. She's never told us anything about what's been going on with London until now. Kacey would never hit anyone unless it's extreme circumstances. You have to understand that." He says, using his lawyer voice. Mrs. Evens nods her head and holds up a hand to silence my dad.

"Do you have anything to add London? Your take on what happened?" She asks.

I glance at London again and I'm surprised to see tears running down her cheeks. She sniffles loudly and I tilt my head in time to see her shut her eyes and take a deep breath before opening them again. She turns to me, her pinkish colored eyes locking onto mine. They're not full of hate, or resentment. But grief and pain. London licks her lips, never breaking her gaze. "You wanna know why I hate you so much Kacey?" She shakes her head and tries to hold herself together. "Because you have everything. From the first time I met you, I couldn't stand you. I remember the day that I began hating you so cleary.

It was the first day of 6th grade, my mom didnt even drop me to the school. She dropped me four blocks away cuz she had to rush to work. I had to walk to school with my new shoes and Hello Kitty bookbag without my mom or dad holding my hand. By the time I got to school, a dark blue car pulled up to the curb and out hopped a girl with two pigtails on the sides of her head and the same Hello Kitty book bag that I had."

"Me." I breath out, remembering my old bookbag.

London nods, "Yeah, it was you. I watched as you kissed your mom goodbye and your dad held your hand, leading you inside the school. You bounced happily beside him, a big smile on your face. I could hear you talking about how excited you were to meet your new friends and start middle school. When your dad had reached the door, he gave you a kiss on the cheek and you hugged him tightly. He gave you one last wave goodbye before jogging back up the pathway to the dark blue car. I went into the school, got my schedule and went to class. And who was there sitting in the front row? You." Her eyes narrow as she says the last word bitterly. "You were smiling like this is the best day of your life and it made me angry because you were genuinly happy. You had a mom and a dad that saw you off on your first day at school. Me? I had no one but the crossing guard who helped me avoid getting hit by a school bus while crossing the street. You've always been a genuinly happy person while I have to force my smiles and carefee mood just so I won't feel the pain of not having my dad around and having a work-a-holic mother. I was so happy when my mother got pregnant with Treyvon because I thought this meant that my dad would finally come back and be a family. Turns out Treyvon was a mistake. He was an unprotected fuck and duck. And my dad didn't want anything to do with him. So he disappeared even before Trey was born. And from then on I hated you even because of you parents that love you. A real friend. And pure happiness. You have it made for you, you have the love every girl needs. Something I never had the chance to discover."

The room is silent other than the sniffles coming from both London and her mother. I can't help but tear up a little too. Just imagining being dropped of on a corner, four blocks away from school makes a part of me fill up with sadness. Just imagining have a dead beat father makes my heart ache a little and I want to reach out to London, but all she'd do is push me away. I blink quickly to avoid any more tears, "So you thought by making me miserable it would make you feel better." I conclude.

London purses her lips, "Well I did. But I guess that's not the case." She admits.

Her mother walks over to London, crouching down so that she's eye level with her daughter. "Why didn't you ever tell me this? London I'm so sor--"

"Don't even feed me that bull shit." London scowls. "You only want to talk to me now because we have an audience. You haven't given two shits about me since dad left."

"London!" Her mother gasps, hurt scrawled across her face.

London pushes her mother away from her, almost knocking her onto her back. "Just save it alright? I don't want to hear it." Her mother stands up and covers her mouth with her hands before walking back to her seat and putting her head down in her hands. London crosses her arms over her chest, frowning and going back to staring blankly ahead.

Mrs. Evens sighs, "We can all agree that this has been a long day. Now let's discuss punishments." She grabs a clipboard and scribbles something down on it. "In the events of a fight I have no other option but to suspend both of you for three days. You may return to school on Friday."

"Mrs. Evens please, this is a crucial year for both girls. They can't miss school when its only just started." My father argues, his deep voice laced with anger.

"I have no other choice. That's the rules." She says, pushing the clipboard to the side. "Now London I'm going to schedule you an appointment with the school psychiatrist. You can vent any problems with him and he will keep them to his self unless you result to harming your self and others. Deal?"

"Whatever," London sighs, her face still blank now that her tears have dried up.

"And Kacey," Mrs. Even's brown eyes shift to me. "I know you're going through a rough time with all this plubicity but you've got to be able to control yourself. I've never have a problem with you before so don't make this a new habit. Alright?"

"Yes." I reply, matching her serious gaze.

"Alright then," Mrs. Evens sighs. "You're all dismissed. You two girls can return home immediatly."

London is the first one up and out of the office. I dart out the door after her, calling her name. She slows down her pace and turns to look at me. I stop a few feet away from her, hooking my thumbs in my belt loops. I shift my weight from side to side. "I'm sorry for what I said about your mom earlier in the cafeteria.I just---"

"Kacey," London snaps, cutting me off harshly. "Apology accepted and I'm sorry too. But don't give me any kind of heart felt apology, alright? Just because I finally told you what happened, doesn't make us friends. You stay out of my hair and I'll stay out of yours. Deal?"

I stand there for a moment, briefly caught off guard. "F-Fine...it's a deal."

"Good. And if you tell anyone what I said in there, you're going to have a broken face next time." She snaps evilly. I roll my eyes at her threat, no longer fearful of her keeping her promise. I mean I broke her nose once, I'll do it again if that's what it comes down to. Our parents meet up with us outside the lobby and I watch as London stalks off, heading for the exit with her mother staggering behind her, calling her name. I feel pity for both of them and I hope that things work out for them.

I turn around to find my dad staring at me with an unhappy sneer on his face. He doesn't say anything as he storms off to doors to leave. I follow silently behind him, putting together what I should say to him in my mind.

Once we've climbed into the car, my dad remains silent while he puts the key in the ignition. We pull out the parking lot and cruise down the street. I sigh loudly, resting my elbow against the door.

"I'm sorry," I say in a soft voice. "I should have walked away. I should have ignored her. I shouldn't have hit her."

My father bangs his hand on the steering wheel. "Kacey come on now, what were you thinking. I have always told you fighting is never the answer, why would you stoop so low? I understand the pressure but I never thought it would come down to this."

"I know that and I'm sorry. I just couldn't take it anymore. It was about time she was put in her place." I retort angrily. We hit a red light and my father sighs. The car is silent before he speaks again.

"Kacey, what happened on the tour is obviously still bothering you. You pretend like you're ok but your not the Kacey that left the house all excited to meet Mindless Behavior two months ago." My fathers voice sounds sad as he speaks. "Whatever issue you have with them needs to be resolved. Have you talked to them?"

I shake my head no, "No and I don't want to. They made it very clear that they're done with me. I'm not going to beg for them to forgive me because I already apologized. I'm not going to be a doormat any more dad. I'm never going to see them again so it doesn't matter. I wouldn't want to "break this group apart" like I apparently almost did. I'm only worried about me now."

Another moment of silence as my words linger heavily in the air. My father shifts in his seat as I stare at the blur of colors passing by us. "Why didn't you ever tell us you were being bullied by London? That's a serious matter Kay."

I shrug my shoulders, "I didn't want to be a snitch or a charity case. People already thought I was weird, I didn't want bring unnecessary attention." I pause and rest my head against the window. "You don't have to worry about London any more though. We've both come to an agreement to stay on opposite ends and never intersect. Things are looking up."

I pull down the visor and look into the mirror. The area under my right eye is swollen and turning a faint shade of purple. I can't help but laugh to myself. My first battle scars.



**

Ok so I've decided to do two more chapters after this one. I'm determined to end this book by tonight so check for updates throughout the day.

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