Struggles of a Fangirl

Struggle #8

My mother hands me the envelope as I answer my phone. "Hello?" I say into the speaker. I can hear an echo and my heart nearly explodes out of my chest.

"Hi, is this Kacey Miller?" I hear Angela ask on tv and through the phone.

I nod slowly but then I realize she can't see me. "Um yes, this is Kacey."

"Kacey are you watching 106 and Park right now?" Angela asks.

"Yes," I reply, I can barely hear her over my pounding heart. Jayla slaps my arm over and over. I look over at her and she's staring at me with huge eyes and a hanging jaw.

"Iight Kacey we gon cut to the chase. You picked up your phone so you know what means right?" Bow Wow drawls in his southern accent. I nod again, unable to form words. "You're the new winner of the Mindless Design Competition. You are going on tour with Mindless Behavior!"

"OH MY GOD OHHHH MY GOD!" I scream, jumping to my feet and climbing onto the coffee table. "Oh my gosh, thank you so much I love you guys!"

The camera pans to the audience who is cracking up and clapping for me. I blush a little at the fact that I just screamed like a mad woman.

"Alright Kacey, you should recieve a letter in the mail with all the tour information, alright baby girl?" Bow Wow says to me.

"Yes, thank you so much. I love y'all." I repeat once again, bouncing on the table like the energizer bunny.

"We love you too, see you July 8th Kacey." Roc says. I just about passed out from hearing that.

"Bye!" I squeal as they hang up.

That's when I realize that my mom is yelling at me. "If you don't get off that damn table right now!" She scolds.

I hop of the table and wrap my arms around her. "Mommy I won the contest! Omigod, I was just on the phone with them and Bow Wow told me I won!" I scream loudly.

Jayla jumps off the couch and runs towards me, wrapping me in a tight hug. "Kacey I can't freaking believe this just happened. You're going on tour with Mindless Behavior!"

"I know!" I scream back. If there was ever a moment that felt like I was dreaming, it's now. I can't believe Bow Wow just called me, I was just on the phone with him and Angela. And Roc said he loves me, can this day get any better!?

"Hold up," my mother says, holding up a finger and muting the tv. "You told me you didn't win the competition."

"I didnt but one of the contestants had to drop out. The next runner up was me! My designs were one of the best." I exclaim all in one breath.

My mothers face remains in a blank expression. "So you're happy with being second best? I thought I raised you better."

My mood dims slightly, "We'll of course not but this opportunity is a huge deal. I got picked out of a million other entrees."

"So what Kacey? You should have gotten picked first. You're no ones second choice and you're not going on that tour." My mother snaps at me.

My face falls, my heart slows down and my ability to speak falters. I can feel my stomach twisting up flipping around uncontrollably. "M-mom please, you can't be serious. I tried so hard for this, I may not have been chosen first but at least I was chosen. I was one of the best."

"No Kacey," she says sternly.

Tears spring to my eyes and my throat clogs up. "How could you do this to me!?"

"Stop being a drama queen." My mother tells me. My mouth falls open as the first tear rolls down my face. Everything becomes silent and time seems to freeze. This feels even worse than discovering I didn't win the contest. Because this time I did win, but I'm not allowed to have my cake and eat it to.

My father walks in along with Jayla's parents. "What's with all the screaming?" He asks, putting an arm around my mothers waist.

"I won the competition but mommy won't let me go on the tour just because I was chosen second." I spit angrily, my face scrunching up.

"I'm not going to allow her to be second best." My mother says simply, shrugging her shoulders for emphasis. This makes me angrier and I feel like picking up the flower vase and throwing it against the wall.

My dad runs his temples, "Aw man, what did I walk into."

"Andrea, when is she going to get another chance like this? Remember when you tried everything to meet Michael Jackson?" My grandmother asks.

"Yeah and that never happened because you wouldn't pay for it. You didnt care for my love of Michael so I'm not tolerating Kacey's obsession either. She needs to focus on school work." My mother snaps back, her eyes narrowing angrily.

"Mom," I whine out.

"Kacey," she quips. "End of discussion."

My fist clench angrily and my breath becomes shallow. I can't control what shoots out my mouth next. "I hate you so damn much!"

My feet are already racing towards the door before she or anyone else can say something. I slam the door hard behind me, hard enough to rattle the whole frame of the door. I neglect my shoes and just storm down the steps heading for the beach. I already know I'm dead meat when I go back inside so I might as well take my time letting all my anger out.

I storm across the sand down to the shore. I pick up a few rocks until I have a whole pile in my hands. One by one, I begin chucking them into the ocean, releasing all my pent up anger and frustration. How could my mother do this to me? She knows how much I love Mindless Behavior. How much this competition means to me. I was so close, sooo close to meeting MB and just like that the chance is ripped from my hands.

I shake my head as I walk along the wet sand. The beach only has a few people on it, most of which are laying on blankets watching the sun set. I sit in the damp sand and let the tide brush against my neon green painted toes. I use my hand to wipe away lingering tears in the corners of my eyes. To clear my head, I take five deep breaths and count to ten. It seems to help my frustration but every time I think of what just happened I feel destroyed over and over again.

By the time I figured it was time to go back inside, it was 8:00. I sigh and gather sand in my hand, letting the grains fall between my fingers. I feel a presence behind me and I already know who it is.

"How mad is she?" I ask.

"Fire breathing dragon mad," my dad replies. "But I calmed her down and now she's just a little heated."

I bring my knees to my chest. "I don't hate her...I just can't believe she's doing this to me."

My father sits down next to me. He picks up a seashell and turns it around in his palm. "She just doesn't want you living and breathing Mindless Behavior. We know its you're dream to meet them and marry them, but we need you to have a back up plan just in case. You need to start thinking about your future, its coming faster than you think."

By now stars are popping up in the sky, twinkling against their dark background. "You mean I should just grow up already."

"I guess so, but you should embrace your youth too." His deep voice tells me. I roll my eyes, now if that isn't a contradiction I don't know what is. "It's ok to live in the moment but you have to learn that that moment won't last forever."

"Exactly, this is a once in a lifetime chance. Ugh, can you go have this talk with mom?" I ask him.

He looks down at me with those deep brown eyes that we share, a smirk appears on his face. "I already did. She's not exactly happy with the idea but me and grandma did coax her into considering letting you go."

My heart skips a beat, "Seriously!?"

"Mhm but don't get too excited yet." He tells me. My face falls again and he chuckles. A moment of silence passes before he digs into pocket and hands me the crinkle envelope. It's addressed to me from Los Angeles. "I think an apology might get you on that your bus with Mindless Behavior."

A fluttery and excited feeling takes over my body and I smile up at my dad. He's the slickest talker around and convince anyone of anything. If him and grandma's talk with my mom doesn't get me face to face with Princeton, nothing will.

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Hahaha I watch 106 too much, I can just picture Bow Wow's accent in my head.