Struggles of a Fangirl

Struggle #52

"So my sweet old Kacey is turning into a boss ass bitch." Jayla says to me Friday night. On my first day back to school after being suspended, alot of people looked at me differently. People I've never talked to waved at me in the hall, freshmen smiled at while I walked pass, teachers eyed me like they knew something I didn't. I felt renewed and refreshed. Now that London is officially out of my hair, I have nothing to stress about.

My mother put me on punishment for the whole three days that I was suspended. She took my phone, my laptop and the cable box for my tv. She even took out the cords for the tv in the living room so I wouldn't have any access to television. I was so bored and desperate for fun that I had to dig out my old mp3 player and use it when no one was home. To make matters worse, my ipod was full of old disney songs and theme songs to cartoons.

To keep myself busy and make the time pass quicker, I wound on sketching out some clothing ideas. I think working in the design studio over the summer has sparked some kind of creativy in me, because even though I'm not a very good drawer, I still found myself sketching outfit ideas for different people. I made some for Jayla, some for Imani and a few for myself. I was so proud of how good they looked at I hung them on my wall in place of my MB posters. Drawing kept me busy for a few hours, then I got bored again.

I roll over on Jayla's bed. My mother agreed to let me sleep over her house for the weekend since I've been stuck in the house for most of the week. I needed a change of scenery and some freedom from Kyle. I love my little brother to death but I can only take so much of his loud rap music and his pre-pubescent voice screeching along to it.

"Shut up Jay," I say laughing and eating some of the chips from the bag next to me. "I'm not turning into anything, I just let things get out of hand. But trust me, Monday is going to be my fresh start for real. No more drama, no more stress."

"Good, you need to relax anyway," Jayal responds from her spot on the bed, flicking through tv channels. "Which is why we're going to the back to school dance next Friday."

I scoff and look at her out the corner of my eye, "You can go to the dance but I'm not. I think I'll just stay home and have a movie night or something. Maybe even pamper myself and take a hot bath and do my nails after."

"Come on Kacey, you're gonna make me go to the dance by myself?" She asks, a hurt tone in her voice.

"I doubt you'll be alone. You'll have Trey with you, right?" I retort. She doesn't respond and I turn to look at her. She rolls her eyes and I smirk in a 'told you so' sort of way. "See, you dont need me there."

"Kacey please come with me. You never go to any of the school dances. What happened to us enjoying our junior year?" She says, fighting me with my own words.

"There's still homecoming and our junior prom. Plus senior prom next year." I point out. She glares at me and quirks a brow.

"It's not the same."

"Actually it is," I reply, rolling my eyes. "A dance is dance Jay. You dress up, you do your hair and make up, you dance, you mingle and it ends." I reach for another handful of chips but Jayla snatches the chips out of my reach and holds them behind her back. She stares at me like she's searching for something. Her eyebrows are scrunched together and she's frowning at me. "What?"

Jayla shrugs her shoulders, "Nothing, I was searching for my best friend Kacey." She sighs and tilts her head to the side. "I guess she disappeared. Because the Kacey I know would never be such a downer about life." I open my mouth to reply but she cuts me off. "The tour changed you Kay. I get that you had a bad experience but are you really going to let the drama get to you?"

I sit up on the bed so that we're eye level. "What are you talking about?"

"Think about it Kacey. We've been best friends for the longest and it's not like you to have such a negative vibe all the time. Ever since you got back you've been depressed. You've been acting so different and it scares me." Jayla's voice is hard as she stares at me like she's trying to figure out a hard math problem. "Your problems aren't going to disappear by just ignoring them Kacey. They're going to eat you alive and make you feel worse."