Struggles of a Fangirl

Struggle #37

"On a scale to 1-10, how excited are you?" Jayla exclaims through the phone. It's finally the day. The day of the BET awards. The day that I get to walk the red carpet for the first and probably the last time. I woke up this morning at least an hour earlier than I usually do, rolling out of the hotel bed.

"My excitement broke the scale Jay! I can't keep still, I'm so ready for tonight." I tell her, pacing the floor. "Oh and let me tell you what Prod did last night."

"Oh lord, what hasn't that boy done for you?" She teases, I laugh because I can just imagine her shaking her head with a smile.

"Well last night after they finished some last minute routine touch ups, we had to wait in the airport for our plane to arrive. So we're all tired, just lounging around in the chairs and stuff, but Prod is the only one that seems to have any energy left. So I'm curled up in one of chairs, bout to fall asleep, when he points his phone in my face and goes 'Kay Kay can I ask you a question?' I'm here all tired like yeah Prod. So he goes, 'Will you be my date to the BET awards?' Then next thing I know my friends are all making cooing noises and with a camera in my face I sure as hell couldn't say no...not that I was going to anyway. But yeah, he asked me to be his date to the BET awards!"

"Aww girl you better getchu some Prodigy." Jayla says in her ratchet voice. "Wait if he recorded you where did he post the video?"

I laugh, "It's on Keek. I'm scared to go watch it cuz his fans are probably blasting me right now. I haven't really be in touch with what TM is saying on twitter or tumblr lately."

"Ooh, I'm gonna go watch it." She says to me.

"Ok." I go into the living room to find London sitting on the couch watching the news in a pair of sweat pants and hoodie. Keisha arranged for a team to come to the hotel and get us ready in a little while so that we're fashionably late to the pre-show where OMG, Trevor Jackson, Sevyn Streeter and K. Michelle are set to perform.

I head into the kitchen for a snack and to avoid London, the other girls are in there watching tv on the smaller tv. I nod at them while I search the cabinets. Jayla giggles on the other line, "Kacey that was so cute. I wish Treyvon did something like that for me when he asked me out."

I try not to smile to hard, "Shut up," I tell her.

"I'm serious Kacey, first he sang to you now he's asking you on dates. I ship so hard, you didn't have this much fun when you were chasing after Princeton's Mexican ass." She tells me, attitude clear in her voice.

"Stooooop," I stretch out the word and try to hold in the smile that's slowly stretching across my face.

Joya points at me, "Ooh look at her over there smiling like there's no tomorrow. She must be talking about Prod."

"Guys!" I exclaim, turning my back to them and laughing. Jayla giggles on the other end and I roll my eyes sheepishly. I hear a knock at the door and Yannie bounds out her seat to answer it. "Jay that must be the wardrobe assistants so I'll call you later alright?"

"Alright boo, have fun at the awards I'll be looking out for you." She tells me. I smile and we say goodbye, hanging up the phone. I follow the girls out the kitchen and into the dining room where a twelve person crew dressed in all black is standing around in the living room along with Keisha.

"Mandy!" We exclaims in unison once we recognize our favorite design manager. She beams at us and pulls us into a group hug, "Hey guys, ready to get all fancy for the awards?"

We nod eagerly when the door opens again and Raymond walks in sporting Aztec leggings and a black tunic. "Y'all ain't ready for nothin without me." He says, rolling his neck and placing a hand on his hip.

We all laugh as he pulls in a black suitcase with his name on it in glittery letters. He flashes a perfect smile at us, "Lets get to work."

A while later my butt is asleep and I'm surrounded by three assistants. One doing my nails, another applying my makeup and the third girl is fighting with my hair. She rakes the comb through my thick hair before takin the straightener and pulling along my strand of hair. I'm dying to see how I look but eyeshadow is being brushed across my lids.

"How you feeling Kacey?" I hear Mandy ask me, I shift a little, careful not to mess up the assistants hard work. "I'm feeling a little stiff actually."

She laughs lightly, "Don't worry you're almost done. I saw the dress you bough by the way, it's beautiful and appropriate for your age group." Her voice lowers a little, "Unlike London's who looks more grown than I do." Her eyes rolls in distaste and I laugh. London seems to be everyone's least favorite

"Alright we're all done!" One of the assistants says. I open my eyes and can't even get a glimpse in the mirror before Raymond grabs me and pulls me into one of the bedrooms that has been transformed into the living room. "Quick quick quick, get changed and put on your shoes." He trust a pair of nude colored heels into my hands and closes the door. My eyes widen, heels? He wants me to wear heels on the red carpet? I'm already clumsy so that's just a recipe for disaster.

I quickly grab my dress from its protective covering and shimmy on to it. It's even prettier than I remember. I zip up the side and sit on the bed, staring at the heels on the floor. "I'm going to die today." I mutter to myself, pulling on the heels and buckling the sides. I pull myself up to my feet and wobble for a moment before staggering over to the mirror. My braces nearly blind me as I beam at my reflection, I knew that I would look good tonight but I didn't know I'd look this good.

My hair has been freed from its usual tangled state and is now shiny and straight, hanging a few inches down my back. The makeup team painted my lips with light pink lipgloss, my lashes with dark mascara and my eyes with bronze eyeshadow. I've never worn makeup in my life so to have all this caked on my face feels weird to me. I feel really pretty though, like model-amazing type pretty. My dress is fitted at the top and flowy at the bottom, showing off the curves I never knew were there and sucking in the little edges of fat.

There's a soft knock at my door, "Kacey open up this door so the others can get their dresses on. You lookin good boo but don't be a mirror hog. The others need to get their dresses too." I hear Raymond say. I laugh and teeter over to the door, opening it to let everyone inside. Joya and Renee rush passed me to get inside and run over to the rack to put on their dresses.

"Careful!" Raymond warns, "Don't mess up that hair."

I look over at my friends who look gorgeous. Renee's hair is in tons of spiral curls, framing her face like a lions mane. Joya's hair is done up in a sleek pony tail with two braids going across the crown of her head. "Come so we can put some perfume on you." Raymond demands, grabbing my wrist again. "Y'all come too when you're ready, and be quick about it."

I struggle to keep up with Raymond as he drags me down the hallway back to the living room where Yannie and London are getting their hair finished up. Raymond spins me around and grabs a purple bottle of perfume, spritzing it in the air above me and making me twirl in it. I stumble a little an he laughs. "Honey you better practice in those heels before you get on the carpet. Every girl needs to be able to walk in heels and look good doing it."

"Ten minutes of practice ain't gonna cut it Ray." I tell him.

"Well it will be an improvement compared to what you're doing now." He tells me, "Now practice walking like a lady instead of a horse." He pats my butt playfully. I laugh and walk across the room, trying to keep myself steady.

I practice for about five minutes before Keisha comes over to me, "Kacey you looks so pretty." She tells me, looking me and down. I smile and she holds something out to me, contact lenses. "I wasn't sure if you'd want to wear them or not and I don't want to force you to use them. But, I talked to your mom over the phone and discussed your prescription. They're the one a day contacts so if you want to wear them just for tonight you can. Or you can keep your glasses on but I'm telling you now the flash from the cameras are gonna make the pictures come out weird from the reflection of your glasses."

I take the contact lenses from her, staring at the tiny case in my hands. Keisha smiles before walking off to help another assistant. I've never really minded my glasses, they're just another thing that makes me Kacey. But then again my purple frames do clash with my peach dress. I quickly run to the bathroom and close the door, facing the mirror and removing my glasses. I wash my hands before popping open the contact lenses, picking up the tiny round contact. I use my fingers to stretch my eyelid and gently place it in. I do the same to the other eye and wait a moment before fluttering open my eyes.

"This is so cool." I breath to myself, taking in what I look like without glasses. I look twice as pretty without my glasses blocking my face. My eyes look bigger and bolder than before and for once, I feel like 100 percent beautiful.

"Alright girls lets get going, the boys are waiting down in the lobby!" Keisha calls to us. I hurry out the bathroom and grab my purse that's on the couch. I look around at all my friends...and London. Yannie is dressed in a short dark purple dress, Joya in a beautiful long black skirt and gold colored crop top, and Renee in a white one shoulder ruffled dress. Them there's London....who just had to be different.

"Wow...." Yannie says looking at her. "You're not gonna be hard to miss."

London smirks, her red lips looking even brighter against her perfectly white teeth. "I know," she says. I scan her from her low side bun to her gold red bottoms. She's dressed in a white button down shirt, black cardigan, and tiny black shorts with a thin gold belt. A Versace necklace is slung around her neck as a glistening diamond watch rest on her wrist. She'll fit right in with the crowd.

After the team of assistants look us over and sprays hair spray in our hair, we follow Keisha down the hall to the elevator. The other girls walk elegantly down the hall like they've been wearing heels since they came out the womb. I on the other hand, walk like I have two left feet. It's not easy to walk in heels for the first time down a long hallways, especially in a dress the brushes the floor. I have to hold the back of my dress up to avoid stepping on the sides of it. I really hope the red carpet isn't as long as it looks on tv. And please don't let there be too many stairs.

We crowd into the elevator and take the short trip to the lobby. The air smells of lotion, hair spray and perfume, I try to hold my breath for as long as I can to avoid choking and dying. Thankfully the elevator door open soon and I'm the first one out of the elevator. It's about 6 something in the afternoon and the lobby is now crowded. People turn to look at us, exchanging glances and whispering with one another. Across the room, a little girl is posing with Mindless Behavior, I scan them as we walk towards them.

They look fly and official in their coordinating red and gold outfits, each boy rocking a different style than the other. Prod and Prince are wearing their famous sunglasses as always, Raybands for Prod and John Lennon inspired shades for Prince. Ray has his black goggles perched on his head while Roc wears a few gold chains around his neck. They look red carpet ready but I can tell they're a bit jittery about their performance today by the way they stand so stiff.

The girl thanks them for her picture and races off to her mom, smiling hard. We approach the boys and they stare...hard. I mean it's like they were in a trance or something. I never thought boys could literally just freeze mid sentence and just stare. But apparently they do. All at once the compliments start flowing in. Some aimed for a particularly girl, others meant for all of us. We compliment them in return and walk outside to wait for the SUV.

Prod brushes against my arm and I look over to smile at him. "You look so different without your glasses." He tells me.

"Good different or bad different?" I ask him, trying to ignore the somersaults my stomach is doing.

His lips peel back into a warm smile, "Good different, now I can really see how pretty your eyes are." He runs his fingers through my hair, they pass trough easily to my relief. "You look stunning Kacey."

And that's how I, Kacey Miller, melted into a puddle.

He could have said pretty. He could have said nice. He could have said beautiful. But no. Prod said stunning. Do boys in my generation still use that word? Do they understand that word? It's rarely used anymore yet it sounds like music coming from Prodigy. Ugh he has me all in my feelings right now.

"Thank you Prod." I reply, a smile tugging at my lips.

He gasps am clutches his chest, "Did Kacey Miller just take my compliment?"

I laugh and push his shoulder, "Shut up," I roll my eyes at him. Prod smiles, stuffing his hands in his pockets. The car finally rolls around and Roc opens the door, we climb inside and as I wait for Yannie to get inside Prince appears beside me.

"You clean up well mami." He tell me, "I give you props."

"You too Mexico." I say back, he grins and I get into the car, sliding across the seat next to Yannie. I smooth down my dress and cross my legs so I don't flash anyone. Ray climbs in lastly and Kiesha closes the door.

"Have fun and turn up!" She tells us as Walter locks the doors. We wave goodbye to her and take off down the road, bumping Big Sean's 'Beware' along the way.

The ride is about 45 minutes but it seems shorter than that due to all our excitement. The boys keep telling us about their past experiences at the BET awards and what to expect. Honestly, I'm really excited to see my boo Tyga. He can get it any hour on any day of the week. Blac Chyna who?

My phone buzzes with a text, I pull it out to see a text from Jayla. "Don't fall on the carpet boo. And tell my bae Diggy to holla at me 😉."

I shake my head and text her back, "Girl you gotta a boyfriend."

"He ain't gotta know 😏" she responds. I giggle and tuck my phone back into my bag. I wish Jay was here to experience this with me. I feel myself getting a little homesick as I start to wonder if my parents are going to watch me on tv. I glance over at London who's staring out the window, probably wishing that her mother would tune in for just five minutes to watch her on tv.

London suddenly cuts her eyes at me, her red lips pursing as she takes me in. I swallow and look down at my phone, just in time for Renee to gasp loudly. "We're here!" She exclaims. I jerk my head up along with everyone else to look out the tinted windows at the start of the red carpet. Fans are each side, screaming, smiling and taking pictures of people further down the carpet. My adrenaline rushes through my body and my heart beat quickens. Anticipation takes a toll on my body and I begin to feel the nervous butterflies in my stomach.

Everyone around me begins to smooth down their clothes and hair to make sure them look presentable. I can't seem to move as I stare at the massive crowd and endless red carpet in front of me.

"You ready for this?" Prod asks me, loud enough so that only I can hear.

I swallow hard and lick my lips, "I guess so."

"Then lets go."

Walter walks to our door and yanks it open, my ears are met with the harsh sound of screaming fans and loud music. My hands shake a little as Roc is the first to hop out the car and Renee follows suit. One by one we get out the car and when my feet hit the red carpet, I can feel the excited energy of the crowd take over me. Prod grabs my hand and my shaking stops, all I need is a little comfort and I my anxiety disappears.

Prince smiles from where he's standing beside me, "Show time."

**
Heyyyyy, Londons outfit to the right, Kacey's dress in the next chap

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