Struggles of a Fangirl

Struggle #49

Struggle #49

My first week home was hard. I was still functioning on western time so my head was a little in the clouds. After alot of prodding, Jayla finally made me tell her what went down at the club. Telling her wasn't so bad because she sympathized for me. Telling me parents though. That's another story.

My mother went ballistic, fuming and yelling around the house about how she's going to sue Walter for letting Prince and Prod "sexually harass me." She blew everything way out of proportion and it took both me and my father to explain to her that she's being a bit dramatic. I can't claim they sexually harassed me by kissing me because I let them do it and I enjoyed it. I'm not gonna lie and say I felt uncomfortable because I didn't. They both caught me off guard, that's all. I finally calmed my mother down and talked her out of suing. She dropped the subject but was still furious that they stole my first kiss. Her words, not mine.

The media ate me alive. It didn't take long for the pictures of me crying outside of the club to surface all over the web. Questions popped up all over the place, everyone wanting to know who I am and why I was crying. A fan page I follow on Instagram even tagged me in a picture of Roc and I arguing inside the club. His face was crumpled in an angry scowl while my face looked blotchy and plate. I hate how clear the picture is because I can't even deny the fact that that's me. So I simply unfollowed the page and made my Instagram private.

I'm so glad there wasn't a picture of me slapping Roc, things would be even worse for both of us

Don't even get me on the crazy rumors swirling around me too. Some say I was crying because I got pregnant with Rocs child and he didn't want it. Another claimed I was kicked off the tour for selling secrets about the boys to magazines. Others said I was drunk and got kicked out of the club for dirty dancing on the table. Alot of people have called our house wanting to interview me and ask me about what happened on tour. I deny all their request and don't bother setting the record straight because I don't want the world in my business. No one wants the truth anyway, they just want the gossip.

Now I see the down side of ring famous. Your words get twisted around and the media just wants to watch your life spiral out of control. Just like Justin Bieber when he had that month of pure craziness. Spitting on fans, trying to fight the paparazzi, yelling at DJs in clubs, smoking joints. It's not funny to watch someone lose their grip on life because you never know what's making them act that way.

My mother again threatened to sue Walter because of the exploitation but I convinced her not to. I didn't care any more. I don't care about anything anymore. I'm not feeding into the drama any more than I already have. I've been MIA from twitter, tumblr and every other social media sites. I've been focusing solely on finishing my summer reading project and looking at colleges on line. Junior year is crucial to getting into college so I'm not going to let little things like boy bands distract me.

Ive been keeping in touch with my tour friends too. I talk mostly to Renee but occasionally we video chat with Joya and Yannie too. Ive introduced them to Jayla and Imani so its like one big reunion when we're all talking together. Turns out Renee and Roc decided to keep up the relationship, Yannie and Ray are more like friends with benefits and Joya and Jacob are still going strong. It's only been three days since the girls have returned to their hometowns and they still gets calls from the boys almost every day. I sometimes want to ask Renee if she knows what Roc said to me and how I slapped him. But she's never brought it up so maybe it's not worth talking about old stuff.

I haven't heard anything from the boys. It's not like I expected to either. There's probably alot of tension between them that needs to be resolved before they can worry about me. I don't know how long it will take for the full story of what happened on tour to be let out, but I know that when it does, a new whirlwind of drama is going to start.

My mom forced me to take out my hair extensions. She told me to embrace my natural hair and love what God gave me. We argued about getting me a relaxer because I honestly can not manage my hair in its natural state. I want to do the cute styles I had over the summer with ending up with half my hair in my brush. She finally agreed that its my hair and I should be able to choose what to do with it and we went to the hairdresser the very next day. Jayla freaked out when she saw me, gushing about how long my hair is. I don't see what the big deal is about, it's not like its waist length or even falling down my back. It's just a little past my shoulder blades but at least it's sleek and frizz free.

On Saturday I went to the orthodontist to get my braces taken off. The process went by quickly because I was so excited. My mouth was a little sore from keeping it open for so long but the end results were worth it. When I looked in the mirror, I saw my two sets of perfectly straight pearly whites staring back at me instead of rows of bright green wire and shiny metal. Now when I laugh and smile I won't blind people. And I won't spit and lisp while holding a conversation.

I still have my purple glasses and I don't want to get rid of them any time soon. I feel like if I do, I'll be acting like someone I'm not. A picture perfect girl with shiny hair, perfect teeth and 20/20 vision. I'd be London and that's the last thing I want to turn in to. I'm still wearing my white LEDs and skater skirts for as long as I can before the air turns into a chilly September breeze.

When I go back to school, I'm not going back as just Kacey Miller. I'm through with letting people walk all over me. I'm done with letting people call me out of my name and then having to pretend like it doesn't bother me. I'm no longer Jayla's sidekick. People are going to know me as either sweet Kacey who's loyal and down to earth. Or Kacey the bold bitch. This experience has taught me something.

Be careful who you get close to. Your best friend could be your worst enemy. They may pat your back with one hand while holding a dagger in the other.

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Updating again tonight :)

2 or 3 chapters left

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