Struggles of a Fangirl

Struggle #44

Struggle #44

I didn't tell anyone that Prodigy and I kissed. I trust the girls not to tell anyone but honestly I'd rather keep it to myself because I'm not sure how I feel it about. I mean yes the kiss was romantic and I really like Prodigy but another part of me really likes Prince. I know that Prince had been acting reckless when he was still interested in London and I shouldn't feel special that he he likes me now. But isn't this what I've been wanting for a long time? For Princeton to ditch London and fall for me instead? Isn't that what I've been aiming for this whole summer?

"Hello?" I whisper into the phone.

"Kacey, what's the matter what happened?"

I sniff loudly and wince, hoping I didn't wake any of the girls. I curl up on the couch in the living room of the hotel room with a blanket draped over me. It's 11 something at night and I can't sleep even though tomorrow we have to get up at 8:00 to run through some details for the video.

"Nothing's wrong," I lie into the phone. "I just miss you daddy."

I hear some rustling in the background and its a silent. I assume he's walking out the bedroom so he doesn't wake mom. "I miss you too Kay, haven't heard from you in a while." He replies and my heart aches at the sound of his voice. "I can't wait for you to come home soon, we've all missed you." I smile a little but it doesn't last long. My father can tell something is wrong by my silence, "Kacey what's really going on? You always stay up late when something's bothering you."

I dont know why I'm crying so much all the time. I hate crying, it makes me feel weak but it seems to happen on a regular basis lately. It's probably just stress from the tour and the boys and being away from my family and having London out to get me. "I did something bad daddy. I...I stabbed my friend in the back."

"Please tell me that sentence is just a figure of speech." My father pleads with an edge to his voice. Despite my sadness I manage to chuckle at my dads concern.

"Yes I mean it figuratively. I'd never really stab someone, I can barely chop up carrots with slicing my finger." I respond with a smile.

My father laughs too before speaking, "What did you do Kacey?" The guilt pinches at t stomach again. "I'm you're father, don't be afraid to talk to me baby."

I put my head in my hand ashamed, "I tricked my friend. I basically molded him to fit my satisfaction instead of doing what's best for him. And now he's gonna hate me for it."

"Well you know what you did is wrong, so the best thing you can do now is---"

"Fess up to my mistake, I know that! I just don't know how to handle it when he starts hating me. I don't want to lose him as a friend but this is a lose-lose situation. Please tell me there's some kind of loophole, please!" I whine into the phone, squeezing my eyes closed in case any more tears want to come.

"I'm sorry Kay but you can't wiggle your way out of this one." My dad tells me, "Like I tell my defendants all the time. The best you can do is tell the truth and hope they see it from your point of view. If he holds a grudge against you so be it, everyone makes mistakes, you've just got to learn from them so it doesn't happen again." I already know all of this and it doesn't make me feel any better. "The sooner you tell him Kacey, the better."

I roll my eyes, "It's a little too late for that now. It's been a while and I still haven't fessed up. But I will tell him soon."

"No Kacey," my fathers voice is firm. "Tell him tomorrow."

My heart skips a beat just thinking about telling Prince so soon. I mean in about 45 minutes it will be 12:00 and tomorrow will have already arrived. "But he'll be so busy tomorrow, I'll tell him on---"

"The longer you wait the more you hurt yourself," my father interjects. "And him."

I think about this for a while and I realize, as usual, that my dad is completely right. I sigh heavily and pull the blankets under my chin, snuggling deeper into the couch. "So what has Imani been up to for the summer? I miss her too." I change the conversation topic quickly, no longer wanting to think about this.

"Oh things are going pretty good for her. Your aunt said she went to some dance camp for a few weeks and came back wanting to enroll in every dance program she came across. Maybe you and her can start a dance group one day." He tells me.

"A dance group? I can't dance." I say, thinking back to my clumsy footwork with Prodigy. Which makes me think about our kiss. Which makes my stomach flip.

"Oh please, you've been dancing since you were three Kacey. You dressed up in a leotard and tutu one Halloween because you were so intent in becoming a famous dancer. You would watch re-runs of musicals like Greese just to copy their moves. You were pretty good too." He chuckles a little, reminiscing on the old memories.

I scoff, "Dad that was like how many years ago? I was just playing around, I can't dance because I'm a klutz."

"You can do whatever you set your mind to." Is his reply, just like any other parent would say. He begins talking to me about all his dreams when he was a little boy and I'm thankful for his stories because they keep my mind off my dilemma. I want to ask him eat I should do about London but some how I already know his answer will be to apologize to her and try to patch things up. But he doesn't know London like I do. My best bet is to just stay away from her at all cost.

As I begin to drift asleep, all I can think about is being home with my mom,dad, Kyle, Jayla and Imani. I miss my fluffy bed with the fuzzy purple blanket and silky pillowcases. I miss my drama free zone where I can do and say as I please without being worried that I might seem weird or geeky or strange. I miss not worrying about impressing boys all the time. I just miss life before meeting MB.