Another Broken Smile

59- "You... are a sorcerer!"

PLEASE READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTE BELOW, FOR UPDATE SCHEDULE. 

"Go talk to him" I insist to her.

"Ellie, I can't" she gives up again and buries her head back into her book. I just sigh at Adeline in disapproval but she holds the book tighter trying to focus on the lines drawn upon the pages.

Chris stands in one of the long winding aisles of the library trying to figure out some information for a project. We can see him there struggling on his own and no matter how much I persist Adeline won't just go and talk to him.

"Why the hell did you go to the dance or anything with him, if you were going to reject him at the end of the day?" I ask her pitying the poor boy.

"I am sorry Ellie, please understand" she tells me as she starts her monologue. "I got carried away. I can't put down my walls for a relationship when I know I will be hurt by the end of the day. I don't think I am brave enough to put my heart on the line. I can't" she tells me. I can see the guilt painted on her face and I know she has been beating herself up already for it.

"It's okay" I reassure her and she gives me a watery smile just for my pleasure; calling herself the culprit already.

"When he used to be with me, I thought I had the world with me. He made me feel like someone important. He made me feel brave enough to face myself but I was always the coward. I never could tell him everything without feeling like my soul was being shredded as I let my guards down and stood before him vulnerable and exposed. I knew we wouldn't work out. He was ready to commit, he wanted to know me, everything about me. The good and the bad. But I was a coward. And I let go, because I knew I would never be able to tell him everything only hurting him in the future. I let him go because I didn't deserve him" a wistful smile playing on her face as she twists a knife in her heart and accepts her demons. The demons standing behind her overshadowing every smile she lends.

And I just sit there, listen to her so she was a home to surrender at the end of the day. There is guilt and hurt that we spill on the library floor as she speaks and I only listen. Chris soon leaves and we pretend we never saw him, while trying to busy ourselves in the piled homework in front of us.

Sometimes life decides to take away the only moments that ever kept us happy and we stay there battered on the ground bleeding with the scars that reality imprints on us. So that day in the library, in the midst of the rush of students and books I stay next to her helping her bandage the wounds the drug like love had scarred her with.

The drug like love is like a roller-coaster that first takes you to a high where you feel brave and happy. It gives you a false impression of hope and makes you believe that as long as you are with the person you love everything is going to be okay. That the world is in your hands.

And then things start to slip. The rollercoaster is on its highest peak and you are suspended in the air for a brief moment knowing that things won't ever be the same. And then what? Then comes the dreadful fall. The fall that lurches your stomach, makes you puke and teaches you that things are never bright enough when you are addicted to a drug like love. It is only a defeated battle from then on and you have nothing else to do than just wait till it is all over. Over are the screams and battles and left behind is only the silence of the dread teaching you how much you have lost, had only not you given into that addiction in the first place.

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"Autumn, Autumn, where have you been the entire day?" Alec asks me rushing to the side of my locker with his electric blue eyes shining in excitement.