Another Broken Smile

51- Unkissed and Unloved

The doorknob clicks and there enters Adeline.

"When did you wake up?" she asks me as she walks in the room and keeps her order from McDonalds at the side of the table. I quickly crush the piece of paper in my hand in panic. I don't really think about what I am doing.

"I saw Daniel in the reception of the hospital as I was coming up. What happened?" she asks me and before even asking helps me sit back on the bed and cages me with the wires again.

"He came to cut ties with me," I tell her simply stating the fact as she keeps moving around the room setting everything to be prim and proper.

"Oh! Ellie, are you okay?" she asks me with sympathy as she comes and sits by bedside worried. I quickly hide the piece of paper under the pillow. For another time.

And now when I see, I see the unshed tears in her eyes and her blotched face from crying too long.

"I'm sorry Adeline," I tell her.

"Why are you sorry?" she asks me. "Did Daniel feed something stupid in your brain?"

"No, he was really sweet about everything. He said we couldn't really be friends anymore after such a rough relationship and we should give each other time"

"That actually is very true" she agrees after some contemplation.

"I'm tired Adeline. I don't want to stay in this hospital anymore. I didn't want to end up here today and that's why every time I felt the urge to purge, I took my depressants just like the councilor told me. I don't know what I did wrong Adeline, I can't stay here anymore" I tell her and with every broken word a fresh set of tears surge and I cry into her arms. She stays there hugging and consoling me.

"I know this is not your fault Ellie, it's okay. It'll be okay"

We stay there for quite a while as I break down every shield of armour and cry like a baby while she consoles me.

She stays there by my side like a true friend lending me a shoulder to cry on and waiting patiently by my side for the light in my life to return once more. I don't believe that light exists. For me, it is still like a mirage of the light at the end of the tunnel but I trust. I trust her more than anything.

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I am forced to be in this hospital longer, simply so that the doctors can periodically check the dose of the medicines in my blood. They have forced me to stay for about two more days seeing my instability and the increasing number of relapses.

The doctors came and they went. They lectured me how I was wasting my life and I hated the way that they thought it is so easy to quit and climb back up again.

They don't understand the monster I pet.

The monster that sleeps under my bed.

He is under my skin and sometimes he claws my soul and then the urge is too strong and I hurt. I hurt myself and the ones around me.

And then there is the councilor who comes to visit. She really was a devil. She has read all my files and gone through all my information. She comes and talks to me like she has always known me. She tears the secrets buried within my flesh and leaves me open and bleeding on the cold ground. She knows that dad isn't here and mum would never know so she lectures me about how they would never want such a thing for me. She tells me that Meghan is worried and how I deserve a brighter future.

And I want to yell at her. I want to tell her that she has no right to tell me what to do. That she doesn't have to go and read my files and invade my privacy. That she is simply cruel, for she believes that all is in my hands.