Misused & Abused

Anti Diary

I'm hurt to the point life doesn't even play a field in my eyes anymore. People think, because we're young, we aren't complex, but that's not true. We deal with life and love and broken hearts 💔 in the same way a woman a few years older might. If I cry, it's because I'm very angry and I can't do anything about it because I've run into a dead end. That's when the tears 😪 would come down. It's tougher to be vulnerable than to actually be tough. Who am I living for? Maybe. Is it every girls dream to be a cover girl! I have such incredible experiences in my life. Music is my DNA and being creative is what I enjoy doing. I don't have anything to hide. You just want something else that someone else has, but Thad doesn't mean what you have isn't beautiful, because people always want what you have, and you always want why they have no one is ever 💯% like, 'Yes, I'm the bomb dot com from head to toe!'. The bottom line is that everyone thinks differently.

Got me sitting up here thinking about you. I'm sorry things went the way they did love. I never meant to hurt you this way but believe me I never cheated on you. When we both agreed to separate and meet other people, I met a man and not only a man but someone who understand my inner true feelings. Not saying you didn't but he is in love with me, do I fought him for that? No I don't. You had our engagement cut off twice because you felt like you wasn't good enough for me. When I knew deep down inside you were everything I wished for. My first love my last love and my forever. You knew how much it meant to me to be your wife. That was always a dream for me to become your wife. But why? Wasn't I giving that change love. Did you believe I wouldn't love you like I love him? Did you think I would call it quits and leave you suffering? That's not what I would have done to you. All your friends think I cheated on you cause of the things you said about me. Did you really tell them the truth or did you lie and tell them I did cheat on you. Yes I'm sorry for not telling you ahead of time that the baby wasn't yours but do you honest know how hard it was for me to even tell you. That wasn't easy for me. You can't fault me for that. You've hurt me so much that it's unfair to me that you would call it quits and break up with me. My heart hurts Wes it really does but you don't see that. You think I'm a terrible woman just to delusional and being in love with Chris. I guess that's why Chris wants me to move on away from you. Maybe everything Chris said about you was right. I hate that I'm saying this but I'm starting to think its all true to me now.

Chris makes me happy even though he brutally beat me in the car when I was pregnant with Royalty, he said he was sorry. Every since than he has been keeping his promises. At least I think he is for now. I'm really trying my best to get him to see royalty more but it's been so much going on that he hasn't really been keeping her a lot like I have. Just hopes that Chris doesn't hit me again. I can't even picture him hitting me as bad as he did the first time and I don't want to picture that right now. Saying sorry isn't enough for me anymore. What happened happened. And every problem has a reason to it. This was no accident I wanted a baby and I got one with Chris not Wes.

My truth is finally told to the person I loved for 7 months and a half. And I'm going just let it go as it remains nothing but a scar to my heart.