Misused & Abused

She has my smile

Day two with my newly newborn Royalty Marie Brown💕. Her beautiful baby sense feels up my nose with such amazing refreshment like I've never sleep before. Chris has given me the chance to spend quality time with her by myself. Which is most definitely what I need before it's time for me to go back to work soon. I can't be doing to much moving around unless I'm making her formula, bathing her, changing her and putting her in the crib to go to sleep. Her smile is my everything. For a second I thought she had Chris smile but my eyes where right. My baby girl has a intelligent smile like her mommy. And that's the best gift to ever recieve. I'm getting the hang of this parenting job. I honest never thought being a mom felt so good. Every since I had birth Wes hasn't been around to spend time with me. Which kinda makes me depressed cause I really want to tell him about Chris being the father of royalty. It's not gonna go well when he finds out about it. I know how Wes is about certain shit and believe me, this will piss him off bad. But why should he even be mad about it. When he always makes excuses about shit shit for no reason than days " it's not you it's me, I just feel like you don't want to be with me anymore". Like what do you mean. My first relationship was the worst relationship I've ever had in my whole entire life. He never took me anywhere, never gave me a kiss, never did things to make me happy and most importantly he always wanted me to text him first. What type of shit is that like are you kidding me. But anyways enough about that bitch ass ex of mine's back to talking about Wes. Wes just doesn't get it nor does he understand how much I really love him. He plays with my feelings and to be quite real, that shit really hurts. I've been nothing but good to him. Yes I should have told him about me having Chris baby, but it wasn't the right time nor the place for me to say anything. How does he suspect it to be so easy to just say "your not the father". I couldnt say that back than when it happened, but now I'm willing to lay it all on the table. And tell Wes the truth about me and Chris. Let me not think so much about it. I'm meeting up with Wes in 5 days maybe I can tell him then all about him not being royaltys father. God knows I'm not ready to experience what's going too happen on that day. I guess things where meant to change for the better and I'm beyond proud that I am a mom to a beautiful Angel. Not anyone on this earth is going to try to tell me otherwise. I am who I am end of discussion. As sleepy asf as I am right now from waking up in the middle of the night to feed royalty🌷, I enjoy hearing my baby girl cry. Her face turns as red as a lollipop when she is bet fussy and hungry. I can already tell that she is about to be a major handful just by the way she acts now. It's also kinda hard trying to dose off when I put her to sleep but no matter what I do it just seems to be a automatic fail 😂. But that's ok I don't mind my daughter waking me up. I love feeding her, playing with her, making her laugh, seeing her smile is the best feeling a new mother like me could ever love. She has every inch of my smile and I'm so blessed that I was chosen to be her mother. There's no better feeling than this feeling of motherhood. Even though I have a lot of explaining to do with Wes in 5 days is a lot to handle on one plate. This will not be easy at all but I'm willing for whatever is about to happen between us. If it ends our engagement than it is what it is. I'm not trying to sound like I don't care about my engagement it's just that Wes has always made me feel like he never wanted me to be his wife. On some low shit that hurts me but I got to find a way that can make me not feel so much hurt when I talk about it cause right now it's not even working. No matter how much I try to act like I'm fine but I'm not fine. He can walk around here like he is having it all good when clearly he isn't. That's not ok it's really unacceptable to me. And a disrespectful slap to my face. I dont deserve to be treated like this at all, but I guess feeling a don't matter any more. Unless that's what it feels like now.