Fall and Chase (ML, #4)

Kabanata 46

Kabanata 46

Hurt

Tuwang-tuwa si Maggie nang marinig niyang may client na nag-book sa akin. But my face says I'm not excited at all. Napansin kaagad ng kapatid ko ang aking reaksyon. Napababa siya ng tinitignan na damit.

"Why are you not excited?" she said curiously. "Okay! I don't like the clothes here..." pabulong niyang dagdag. Hinila ako ni Maggie palabas ng boutique. Hindi naman karamihan ang tao sa mall ngayon dahil weekday lang naman.

Maggie and I decided to go to mall. Dahil wala naman kaming gagawin sa unit kaya ito na lamang ang aming gagawin. Inaya namin si Mommy ngunit gusto niya lamang manatili sa unit dahil may sinusundan siyang palabas sa hapon.

Mahigpit kong hinawakan ang sling ng aking bag. Iniba ko kaagad ang usapan. "Did he like you posing—i mean, your body exposed too much?" Napaiwas kaagad ako sa aking tanong. Inalis ni Maggie ang hawak niya sa aking kamay hanggang sa tuloy-tuloy ang aming paglalakad. Hindi ko alam kung saan kami patungo ngayon.

"Okay!" Napabuntong hininga siya. I hope she'd get my point though. "I don't think he liked or disliked that kind of shoot. Skin too exposed. Poses too sexy or any what-the-theme poses. Me pairing up with men. Maybe, Newt is in between liking and disliking it." Huminto si Maggie kaya ganoon din ang aking ginawa. Tinignan ko ang mga tao sa baba. "Sometimes we talked about work, but when we're together we always talk about us. Hindi lang siguro halata kay Newt pero mas futuristic siya sa akin," natatawa niyang sabi. I looked at Maggie. She's admiring the scene down this floor. "But yeah, when it comes to work we, sometimes, don't crosses some lines. Alam naman naming trabaho iyon. Well, we're new—I know that, ngayon kasi ang mga client na nagbu-book sa akin iba. Sinasabi ko naman sa kanya kung anong gagawin ko. He knew it is just work and my passion and my dreams. That's all what matters, Janella. You need to stand up for your dreams. If you like something, work well...sometimes work hard. No excuses should limit you to reach your dreams. Ganoon kapag gusto mo ang isang bagay. No one should hinder you doing things you like." She looked at me. "As a model, I realized our body is an art. It is not being sexy at all. We are like giving life to the clothes...or whatever things. It is giving justice. If your boobs needed to be exposed to show what really the meaning behind the clothes—etc, it's fine. It needs to be appreciated, we are doing this thing. Newt knew it. It is not about being physically beautiful all the time."

Napabuntong hininga ako. Maggie is right. Maybe it is all the excuses wandering in my mind all I am thinking now. It is not right. Kung gusto ko, kailangan kong gawin iyon sa abot ng aking makakaya. Conrad doesn't want me to shoot something that my body will be exposed too much. Kahit papaano naliwanagan ako sa sinabi ni Maggie. Alam kong naiintindihan ni Newt si Maggie dahil model din ito. I know Conrad has the ability to understand this thing, too. I know that. Maybe he's too caught up with his emotions. Maybe I like this too much that I can't understand Conrad, too. That's it. We need to talk about this. We really need.

"Ah, siguro'y bago lang talaga pa ko. I need to learn things. How things work in this industry..." I uttered. Napabuga ako ng hangin. Umiwas ako ng tingin kay Maggie. Naramdaman ko ang tingin niya sa akin.

I felt his hand on my shoulder. "Bakit? Is this about Conrad?"

Mabilis akong sumagot. "Hindi!" pagsisinungaling ko. Nakapagat ako ng panloob na pisngi. "I just want to know Newt's reaction about you posing something," I added, shrugged my shoulders, and continued, "like that."

Hindi ako tumingin kay Maggie dahil alam ko baka hindi naman siya naniwala sa aking sinabi. "Iyon ba? Basta ba hindi sapilitan, Nella. He knew I love what I am doing, he said he'll support me no matter what. That's what I needed, his support." I looked at my sister. "Come on, kung ano man bumabagbag dyan sa," aniya, tinuro ang dibdib ko pagkatapos ang ulo ko, at nagsalita muli, "Let them out. Voice out, sis." She winked at me.