Filled With Pain ©

Nineteen.

Nineteen.

 I was lying on the bed with a blanket over my legs.

“I can’t do this anymore. KILL ME NOW!” I shouted.

“Calm down Rockelle, it’ll be over soon.”Malakai said as he dabbed at the sweat on my forehead.

“Calm down? Calm down? You aint the one pushing this baby out of you. SHUT UP!”  Ramel was sat there with Tamera on his lap.

“STOP LOOKING AT ME! And help me. Where the f*ck is this midwife at?” I felt like pulling my hair out.

“Calm down love, it’ll be over soon.” Shalom said while holding my hand.

“It hurts! I don’t understand why I can’t push.” I said while crying.

“Cos you aint ready yet...”

“Can someone call the midwife?” I asked as Tamera walked out.

She came back in with the midwife.

“Rockelle how are you doing?”

“How am I doing? HOW AM I DOING?! Do you want me to show you how I’m doing?!” I shouted in her face.

“Well...let’s just see if this babies ready to come out.”

She checked before smiling.

“Oh...I’m sorry about that. You’ve been ready for approximately 10 minutes.” She look guilty.

“WHAT?!” Everyone shouted.

“You could have killed her in those 10 minutes.” Sandy screamed.

“I don’t care JUST TAKE THIS CHILD OUT OF ME!” I shouted as they all laughed.

I didn’t see what was so funny.

“You ready Rockelle?”

“YES!” I said while grabbing Malakai’s hand.

“PUSH.”

*

Hours later and I was sat there on the bed while everyone took pictures with my new born.

I weren’t in the mood for this foolishness.

I looked at Ramel holding her. He looked so happy.

“Hello little one. Welcome to the family.” He kissed her forehead before looking around

“Give me my baby.” Malakai said. I was so happy. He took her. “Oi missy! Listen here. No boy’s aite. Your gonna be a lesbian! Say it with daddy...les....bi...an.” Everyone laughed. “Rockelle...”

“Yeah...” I muttered.

“Do you wanna hold her?” He asked.

“No.” I said quickly.

“Why not? Your her mum and you aint even looked at her yet.” Ramel said.

“So? I just don’t want to.” I said while turning over.

“Allow it. You aint even given her a name. What’d you wanna call her? You were keen on Janae...do you still want to call her that?” Tamera asked.

“I don’t really care.”

“Fine what about Dog Shit?” Malakai said as everyone laughed.

“Whatever!” Everyone stopped.

“Whats wrong sis? Something aint right and don’t even try deny it.” Ramel said while taking my baby out of Malakai’s arms. “Ay, Tam, Mal can you and your parents just leave the room for a little...just 5 minutes.” Ramel said as they stood up.

“Whats wrong sis?” Ramel asked while rocking her.

“Nothing...” Just then she started crying loudly. “Make her stop!” I said.

“Hold her and maybe she will.”

“I don’t want too!” I shouted.

“HOLD HER! SHE’S YOUR DAUGHTER MAN! Maybe that’s why she’s crying. Cos she knows her ma doesn’t want her. She aint even 5 hours old yet and you aint touched her.” He put her in my hands and I cried.

She stopped crying and fell asleep in my arms. I smiled.

“She’s beautiful aint she?”

I nodded,

“Her cheeks are...red...and her curls. She’s mine...” I said while smiling.

“Yeah she is! But why didn’t you want her?”  Ramel asked as he took a picture.

“She looks like him...”

“Him? Who Wesley?” He asked and I nodded. “So? She’s yours and even if she does look like him, it doesn’t mean she’s any less beautiful. Plus she’s a newborn...as she grows she’ll look more like you.” I nodded.

“I need to name her.”  I said while thinking. 

“Yes you do...” 

“I want to name her in remembrance of ma...Emelia.” I said while smiling.

That was my mum’s name.

Emelia. Everyone called her Emi.

“Look at her cheeks. So beautiful and red, her lips nice and red.” I laughed,

“Emelia-Rose?” I said

“That’s a beautiful name for a beautiful girl. Welcome to the family...Emelia-Rose.” Ramel said while putting her in the crib in the room. “Get some rest.”