Filled With Pain ©

Seveneen

Seventeen.

Hayden’s P.O.V

“Hayden...Hay. Listen to me” My mum Amber said as I played with my lighter.

“I’m listening.” I said without looking at her. I was busy looking at the picture that Sandra had sent to my phone.  It was off a little boy.

I’m guessing my ‘son’

“Look at me when I’m speaking to you Hayden.” I glanced at her and then looked back down at my phone. “HAYDEN!”

“Hayden listen to your mum.” My dad said while kissing his teeth.

“I am listening gosh.”

“Watch your mouth...”  He said once more. I looked away from him and turned to my mum.

“Yes mum...” I said in a monotone voice.

“Stop being so rude Hayden. I raised you better!”  Mum shouted.

“HA! Raised me?” I kept silent and looked at my phone before going through my pictures. I stopped at one of me and Rockelle.

Beautiful girl and I’ve hurt her.

“Whats that suppose to mean Hayden?”  My dad said as my mum looked shocked.

“Do you actually think you lots raised me?  If you do, you must be joking. Cos you didn’t raise me.  Grandma did, and when she died you passed me on to Grandma Marcia, and when she moved to Ghana you passed me on to Shalom. This aint no pass the parcel game you know! This is my fricking life! And you wonder why I’m like this? I had to live with 3 different people who all had different life styles. No wonder I’m so f*cked up.” I shouted.

“Hayden, it weren’t like that and you know that. I’m a good mother.” Amber said. I couldn’t even call her mum anymore.

“You? Amber Banks is a good mum? What a joke.” I said while laughing.

“Don’t talk to your mum like that. She is a good mum.” Dad said.

“Don’t get me started on you! And plus Amber, I’ve only now just started calling you mum in what the past 3 years out of 17 years!  Don’t be silly. I call Shalom mum...now that just aint right. And do you wanna know why? Cos I wish she was my real mum. I watch the way she treats Ciara and Coury and dang it, I’m jealous.” I had finally said what was on my mind. “I’m sorry, if I’ve hurt your feelings...mum but it’s how I’ve felt for ages now.”

“There was no need for that Hayden.” Dad said.

“Like I said don’t get me started on you! You’re a fricking HYPOCRITE!” I watched as he flinched.

“How am I a hypocrite? Elaborate please.”  Dad said.

“You’ve always told me stay away from drugs, stay away from gangs. I tried my best. But they followed me everywhere. Do you really think I wanted to join a gang? And then you come and tell me that you were in a gang too ‘Blaze is what they use to call me’ like what the? Don’t piss me off! You ...you...ARGH! So Blaze-”

“Don’t call me that.” I watched as he put his head down.

“Why not Blaze? I wonder if you know ‘mum’ did you know that he was in a gang. Did you? I wonder if Aunt Shalom knows. Do you think hes killed anyone? Have you killed anyone Blaze?” 

“Stop calling me that.” He said once more.

“Why Blaze? Why can’t I call you that? Why Blaze?”

Before I knew it I was backed up against the wall with my dad’s hand around my neck.

“When I tell you to do something, you DO IT! I told you not to call me that. So don’t!”  I watched as he grabbed his jacket and walked out.

“Forget this I’m gone.”