Enigma || jerrie ✔︎

part 58 - thoughtful

 It had only been a month in which Jade kept pushing Perrie to come out to their fans. Perrie was starting to get increasingly frustrated because they had already asked management, multiple times, and she was starting to go over the edge. It wasn't going to happen. That was it.

"Jerrie" was never going to be real to their fans and they would have to forever keep their relationship - if it was even a relationship - a fucking secret. Perrie would never be able to shout out to the world that she was in love with Jade, or that the grey-haired girl belonged to her and her only. The outside world would only see them as best friends or sisters at most. Perrie had already started to accept the fact that they were never going to be able to come out with resignation, but, Jade was the opposite.

She'd stopped going to therapy, but still she was seeing her counselor every month. Sometimes Perrie fussed over her, which she didn't need, because she'd become an entire different person - a better version of what she was. Sure, the scars on her stomach were a reminder of what she went through, but Jade had found herself through Perrie, which was why she was determined for them to make their relationship public. To show everyone how good and kind and deserving Perrie was.

She didn't want their relationship to get torn apart. Because, right now, it certainly was starting to. Management had ordered Jade and Jed to pour on the PDA, and all of it was just wrong. Kissing on the streets, having Jed's cautious arms wrap around her waist, having the bright lights of the paps flashing in her face - all of it felt so wrong. All of it because of a few stupid fan theories that Jade and Perrie were secretly married.

No, management decided that they'd be a normal girl group with all straight members, perfectly formed smiles and white teeth and sparkling eyes, so that they would target a broader audience. Not that it would work. Jade knew that they needed only a hit single to expand the path of their careers. Not whom they dated. But management certainly didn't think that.

Right now, Jade was slumped down against the door with her head in her hands, blocking Perrie from entering through the other side. They'd fought for the second time in a week and honestly it was just draining Jade so badly. She never asked for drama and fighting and door-slamming and screaming in faces. All she ever wanted was to be with Perrie and she couldn't even remember wanting everyone to know about this.

"Babe," Perrie pleaded from the other side, "let's just talk this out. Let me open the door, please."

Jade ignored her and stared at her hands. She didn't want to talk, especially when Perrie wasn't even the one trying to make things right. Perrie wasn't even the one fucking trying to tell their fans about their secret fucking relationship. If Perrie wasn't making an effort, then why should Jade? "Leave me alone," Jade snapped out, "I just need some space right now."

"You need space every single day," Perrie reminded. "No offense...but Jade, don't be naive. They won't ever let us come out. I know you're upset about all of that but - it's just not gonna happen, you and I. It's never gonna happen."

A tide of fury swept through Jade, so spontaneous and unexpected, that Jade really would've fallen over if she hadn't been sitting down. "That's cause- cause you aren't even fucking trying! You have no idea how many people would've supported us if-if we just came out! But, you don't care, because you've never even wanted this anyway."

"What's wrong with you, Jade? Of course I want this as much as you do, but you just keep pinning the blame on me because you're just too caught up in your own naive, childish fantasies," Perrie shot back.

"Oh, I'm the fucking childish one now?" Jade stood up and yelled through the door. "Not giving up is being childish now?"

"Oh my fucking God Jade, can you just chill out for a moment and think rationally for a moment? There is a contract and it fucking owns our arses. You're just so fucking naive for thinking that we - we'd actually get to turn our backs on it! You don't know how much control management has over us - I've seen that firsthand, because I've been with Zayn!"