Enigma || jerrie ✔︎

part 47 - tattoos

 "So about this thing that was too important to talk about over the phone," Zayn started, clasping his hands together. Eyes glittering. But there were no stars in them. Only Jade had stars in her eyes, the stars that Perrie could see, the stars that Perrie needed. Zayn had shaved his head. Fake tattooed something on the side of it that was going to come off soon, but none of it was really relevant to Perrie anymore, no matter how hard she tried to make it feel significant to her. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"That depends." Perrie swallowed the spit that was clogging up her throat, forcing her gaze to stay on her entwined fingers.

"You can say it first," they both said in unison, then they both burst out laughing, although Perrie's was slightly mellow. She had already prepared herself for the life she'd be walking away from. She'd chosen to dive into the dark bravely. For Jade. Only for Jade.

"You can go first," Perrie relented.

Zayn immediately grinned and pulled down the collar of his shirt, revealing the beginning of a new tattoo. "I don't know if you've seen the news but, I got tattoos. Just for us. And- and maybe we could renew the engagement, maybe go public after a while."

Perrie felt the world sway around her, and she had to grip the armrest of the couch for balance. No. no. no. One tattoo is enough. The other - no. She gulped down a deep breath, feeling her throat dry up again. "No, Zayn. I think we need to break up."

The colour drained from Zayn's face as his happy expression fell away to reveal a shell-shocked one. Because obviously, he hadn't expected Perrie to drop that bomb out of nowhere. "What the hell, Perrie? Are you fucking kidding me?"

Perrie studied Zayn for a long moment, unwavering. "You aren't really hurt." Four words. Four words that changed everything between them.

Zayn glared back at her for a long moment, his skin suddenly paler than it had been moments before, not saying a word.

"Don't try to lie to me now, Zayn. I know everything there is to know about you," Perrie said, more quietly now as their gazes locked onto each other's. "I'm sorry, but I'm- I think I have feelings for someone else."

"Don't say sorry," Zayn said suddenly. Now it was his turn to look extremely guilty. "Because at the end of the day, I'm the one who should be apologizing."

"Zain Javadd-"

"Listen to me."

Perrie shut up.

"Remember when we first met? On the X-factor? I was with the lads. You were with Jade, Jesy, Leigh-Anne. Everyone was fawning over me and the lads. But only you were oblivious to us and that was what made you stand out to me."

Because every lad wants what he cannot have.

Because boys only want love if it's torture.

"That was because I was obsessed with my phone."

"The Nokia one, yeah," Zayn said, smiling faintly. Stuck in the good old memories of the past. But somehow they had to return to reality. Then Zayn spoke again. "Then after we started going out. Management just had to go into things." His voice turned darker, more sinister. "I hated it. I hated you, because I thought you went along with everything. It wasn't until a year later till I realised, through Louis, that you weren't with management on that, at least. And yet you still welcomed me back with open arms, because you always, always see the brightest side of things, and you never see the bad in people. You're happy. And you make me happy."

"Then why are you apologisi-"

"But, I think I was in love with the feeling of being happy, being secure, being in my own shell, in my own world, than being in love with you. I think I was in love with the feeling," Zayn barrelled on, not daring to look at Perrie in the eye.