Misused & Abused

(Flashback) Misunderstanding

I thought he loved me
I thought he cared  for me
I thought I meant something to him
I thought all the wrong things instead of looking for the bad ways, but I didn't know he was like this. What is it that has him so angry that he turns towards me and beats me down until my whole face is numb and bruised. I can't even get at least two words out my mouth knowing that my jaw is rubbing up against my teeth in pain. He came to my house and told me that he wanted me to get and abortion, I gave him a weird look and said '' No I'm not doing that I want my baby and I refused to give it up for abortion because you want me to.'' After that he went on and said Yes you are getting a abortion. What is up with him? Why he acting like this was  a mistake we both wanting to have this baby together. And he knows that. Now he acting like he doesn't want shit to do with me nor our child. He rushed me into the car forcing me to get in so he could take me to the hospital. Without paying him any attention I put on my seatbelt and look out the window. As he pull off from my house he started talking shit to me out of anger. I did the best I could to try to ignore him but it didn't work. If that's one thing I do know is he hates being ignored. Have you lost your damn mind, I said. Why do I have to get and abortion. Because I fuckin said so get smart with me again, he yelled. I didn't even get smart with him all I ask was a question and he just assumed that I was getting smart when I'm not. I'm not getting smart Chris I was just asking a question that's all. Before I could even turn my head towards the window his fist hit me in my right eye. In complete shocked I looked at him while tears rolled down my face, I can't believe he hit me. Right in my eye. I wanted to hit back but I couldn't. The only thing that stopped me from doing that was my baby inside of me. I held on to my stomach and made sure that he didn't hit it. He kept punching me in my face and in my arms. I cried loud and told him to stop hitting  please just stop hitting me. Thinking that he would come back to reality to see that he was beating up on me his baby mamma. He wouldn't stop. Shut the fuck up and stop all that damn crying you fake ass bitch said Chris. Stop it you fuckin psycho I cried out of pain. At this point he had went way to far. He punch me hard in my stomach. I started panicking asking him to let me out the car he wouldn't let me out. I felt down between my legs and looked at my hands and saw nothing but blood. I cried so hard and prayed to God I didn't lose my baby. The doctor had told me once before that he didn't think it was possible for me to have children. But Chris was the only man that was able to give me the child I've always wanted. But now he doesn't even care if I lose the baby at all. I asked him again Chris can you please stop the car and let me out please holding my stomach crying with fear, he stopped the car and let me out. I slowly got out watching the blood flow down between my legs like a waterfall. Closed the door behind me and start walking towards the hospital door. He got out the car and walked by me asking me if I was ok. I don't even want him talking to me I don't even want to see him no more. After the way he just treated me and our unborn child he deserves nothing from me. I moved my arm out his hands and told him ''No I don't need your help just leave me alone Chris, there ain't nothing you can do. Ri Ri I'm sorry ok, I didn't mean it I was just mad. Mad Chris at who for what? I didn't piss you off and than you hit me in my stomach. My voice started cracking while I was beginning to cry. You don't care Chris at all. I was bleeding from between my legs heavily and I could lose my baby because of you. You knew how much I wanted to be a mom. But you are trying your hardest to take that away from me. Well guess what Christopher I'm not gonna let you do that. Not on my watch. I could see the pain in his eyes that he was hurt by his actions towards me but to be honest with you. He is already my worst nightmare. I slowly kept walking toward the hospital door as Chris was trying to stop me from going in. Ri Ri please I'm sorry ok, forgive me I'm sorry don't keep the baby from me please Ri Ri I'm sorry. Not really caring about his feelings I walked inside the hospital and rushed to the front desk asking for help. Please help me I need a doctor now I've been hit in my stomach I'm losing blood, I don't want to lose my daughter. I continued crying as the lady at the front desk went to get help. I noticed the room started to look blurry. My head got dizzy and the next thing I knew i had passed out on the floor. Chris comes in freaking out cussing everyone in the hospital. Why the fuck y'all just sitting here letting her bleed do something damn it. She is carrying my child and i can't lose them. Do your fuckin job. We will Mr. Brown just sit here and relax ok. Nah fuck that where ever y'all take Ri Ri I'm going tf you mean. I totally understand your wishes Mr. Brown. The name is Chris bitch get it right before I slap your ass. And i would press charges on you for assaulting me and by any chance did you hit your baby mama? She asked. Like I tell you and everyone else it ain't nun of your damn business what I do and what I didn't do to her, OK!!! Dismissed yourself out my damn face. The nurse politely left and went into the room where they had laid me and closed the doors. Chris sat outside in front of the door waiting for answers from the doctors about me. I slowly opened my eyes and looked around the room to see the nurse looking at me with this smile on her face. Who are you? And what do you want I said angrily. Umm I'm your nurse this evening I was just coming to check on you. Thanks but no thanks I'm better off helping myself now can you please leave. As your wish Ri Ri I'll go. Alright I said and slowly got out of the bed putting my shoes on and my goat and sat back down on the bed. I've had a ruff night and need to go home and get some sleep. It's been a crazy night for me and my baby. My doctor told me that the baby is fine but is having trouble receiving oxygen and needs me to remain calm as possible so that way the baby will be able to gain oxygen to breath. I shook his hand and told him Thank you I appreciate it all your help tonight and I promise to remain calm. No problem Ri Ri thats what my job is for to help save lives. And you do a really good job at that, very good job I said.'' Leaving out the room I walked out and saw Chris looking at me from a distance. I didn't even know what to say at this point. Why is he even here? Why does he even care. I just want him to take me home and leave me alone for awhile. I need time to think and be to myself. He got up and walked towards me grabbing on to my hand. Ri Ri look I'm.... Chris not now please take me home I need to rest. Ok Ri Ri I understand said Chris. We both walked out holding hands still in shocked about what he did but for the most part I'm willing to have as much space away from him as possible. Just for now. He opened my door as I got in and he closed it behind me. Chris got in the car and started driving off. We didn't say anything the whole time he was driving, I stared out the window while he glanced back and forth at me while driving. Look Ri Ri I know you still mad at me and I've been trying to control my anger it's just I got a lot on my plate right now. It's fine Chris sure you do I said. I said I was sorry. I know you did right now I just don't want to talk about it I said. Pulling up to my house he stop the car I took off my seatbelt opened the door and got out. Before closing  it behind me i said Thank you for the ride Chris. Anytime Ri Ri he said. Without looking at him I closed the door shut and walked inside my house. I fucked up man I fucked up Chris said while siting in his car. He knew his actions where wrong but why is he so upset. No one seems to know that but him. Not even I know that. I looked out my window and saw him pulled out my garage and driving away. I'm just blessed that I didn't lose the baby they way his ass punch me hard in my stomach. I would have ended his life and his career all together. But I don't have time to be in jail without possible of parol. Not gonna happen. I went upstairs crawl into my bed and slowly putting the covers over me to go to sleep. Pray that I rest well tonight. And pray that I no longer have to see my nightmare again. At least for now