One Lucky Winner

Chapter 55 ~ Bilbo

Day 5
4:05 PM

I think one of the worst feelings in the world is loosing something dear to you and then failing at trying to find it. The constant state of hysteria I'm in is killing me.

I. Need. To. Find. The. Ring!

My mind is crazy. It seems cloudy and hazy. I'm trying to clear it out, but I can't. My mind is just focused on the ring. That's all I can think about. I need to find it.

Thorin isn't helping with my crazy mind. All he's doing is yelling at me and ordering me around like I'm his slave. He's so convinced that the lost ring is my fault. It kind of is, but it was just a mistake. I just accidentally dropped it. And, the fact that I dropped it while we were in the middle of a fight with our enemies in the dark should ease his anger even more. But it doesn't. Thorin keeps acting like I meant to loose it. I'm understanding him less and less every day.

That's all we've been doing today. Just looking for the ring. It feels like we're not even coming close to finding it. It's like we wasted the day.

To make matters worse, it started snowing this morning. So, if the ring was just laying on the ground, it's now covered with snow. So for the last eight hours, Thorin and I have been digging in it.

I'm trying to stay positive but all I can think about is the consequences of not finding it. What if we never find it and I end up winning? I need it! What if it's at the bottom of some lake? We'll never find it in that case. Or, worst of all, what if it ends up in someone else's hands?

I dig through some snow. I wish I had some gloves. I miss warm weather. I miss my hobbit hole. I miss my garden and my food. I wish I never went on that 'adventure' with the dwarves. I wish I was at home.

I hear Thorin cursing in dwarfish from behind me. I'm actually glad I don't understand that language. I don't even want to know what he's saying.

I get up and move to a new spot and start digging. "This would be easier with a shovel," I say, just trying to spark friendly conversation.

"Silence," Thorin snaps at me angrily.

"Maybe we should make one."

"Shh."

I look at him annoyed. I suddenly realize I need to stand up for myself. I can't let myself get pushed around by him. "Thorin, it's not my fault," I say, trying to sound threatening.

He doesn't say anything, which might be a good thing because I immediately regret saying anything to him. I should just be quiet and keep digging.

"You should have let me carry it," he finally growls.

I stand up and look at him. "I can-"

"I wouldn't have dropped it," he says sternly, giving me an evil look. He stands up and rushes past me, purposely bumping my shoulder.

I bubble up with anger. How stupid is he? I didn't do it on purpose! How hard is that to understand?

"Let's go somewhere else and look," he growls. I'm about to follow him, but then I stop and think about my situation. He isn't a true friend. A friend would forgive. A friend wouldn't treat someone like nothing just because he made a mistake. Ever since I joined this adventure with the dwarves, Thorin always treated me like I'm just in the background. Like an extra. As if I'm not even a real person. Like I don't matter at all. I'm sick of it. I need to do something about it.

"You know what, Thorin?" I yell so he hears me. He turns around.

I start walking toward him. "You aren't a real friend."

He rolls his eyes, which really offends me. "Let's look back to where you last saw it."

"I'm serious," I say. "A friend would forgive-"

"Now's not the time to talk about friendship, Mr. Baggins," Thorin says angrily. "We need to find the ring before dark."

I know that's impossible, because the sun is already starting to go down. "Listen to me," I say angrily.

He ignores me and continues to walk away. "Hurry up."

I run to catch up to him. I grab him but he aggressively pushes me away. "Not now."

"Listen to me!" I scream. He keeps walking, without turning away.

"I'm leaving," I shout, hoping it would be the right thing to make him stop.

And indeed it is; Thorin stops walking and turns to me. He doesn't look any less angry and annoyed, though.

"You're leaving?" he says, disgusted.

"You don't tolerate me, Thorin. If you really were my friend then you would forgive me."

"Don't use your mistake as a lousy excuse to leave."

"It's not an excuse. I'm just finally realizing what you really think of me."

"Forget it-"

"I never was a member of the quest to you, was I? I was just an extra. I am just an extra to you. I'm just the bag carrier. The food gatherer. The weapon holder. I never was a real part of anything to you!" My voice is shouting now.

"You-"

"And when I found the ring," I interrupt him again, "you thought it was your's. Not mine. Of course not! I'm just the bag carrier. You're the leader! Of course it has to belong to you! And now that it's gone, you blame it on me! You blame me for loosing 'your' ring! So I'm done. Thorin, I'm done. I'm done with your big headed, snotty attitude. Go look for the ring. Go join some other alliance group. Go get yourself killed. I don't care. I refuse to tolerate someone who doesn't tolerate me." I swiftly turn around, proud of myself to say that big speech to him without stuttering.

I thought he would say something like 'I'm sorry' or 'come back'. But he says the opposite.

"Deal, Baggins. I will go look for the ring," he says. I turn around. "I'll actually put effort into my looking. And once I find it, I will not be careless and drop it-"

"I wasn't 'careless'!" I shout. "It was an accident!"

"Farewell, Mr. Baggins," he says angrily. He walks away with the two bags he has, and Captain America's shield.

Well, I wasn't expecting that.

I watch him walk until he's out of sight. This shows it. This shows how careless he is. He doesn't even care. He doesn't care that he hurt me. He doesn't care that it wasn't my fault. He doesn't understand mistakes. No. Everything with him has to have a reason. It was just a mistake!

Very angry, I bend down and pick up the remaining bags. The hunt for the ring is own my own now. But what if Thorin finds it before I do? That would be tragic.

I feel terribly bad for popping off on Thorin, despite him being a jerk. What if he dies? I won't be able to say sorry. He was a friend. To me, at least.

Just a moment ago I was cursing him, and now I wish I hadn't left him? My mind is split when it comes to him.

I push Thorin out of my mind. I need to find the ring. I need to find it before he or anyone else does. Once I find it, I could win.

My mind starts screaming again. Find the ring.

Find the ring!

FIND THE RING!