5. Pitty

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~Lexi's POV~

Cop cars, Ambulance, and crowds of people being maintained by police officers, all in my front yard.

My heart began to beat uncontrollably. My breathing began to slow down, my hands started to tingle, and I could feel my arms forming goosebumps.

I saw my mom outside the house hugging Miranda and Ben. But where was dad? I rushed towards them, but was stopped by a police officer. "You cannot pass this point little lady." He reached his arms out to guard the 'boarder'.

"This is my house. What happened?" The officer kindly stepped aside. I ran towards my mom and the others. "What happened?" Mom lifted her head to see me, she was crying, her eyes were bloodshot, her nose was red.

"Its your dad" I felt tears stream from my face like a waterfall. "What h-happened" I could hardly breath. My dad and I have a very tight relationship.

"I-I don't know, he said he was gonna call the school to see where you were, a-and when I brought him something to drink, h-he was on the ground and police and ambulance were showing up. I'm guessing that who ever he was talking to called them." She finished.

"Do you know why?" I managed to say through sobs.

"No they won't tell us." She pulled me into the huddle with Miranda and Ben. Miranda was crying, but Ben, I think that he is just trying to hold it together. You know how guys are.

***

Once we arrived at the hospital they told us what happened. The Doctor told us that he had Cardiac Arrest, due to a weak heart and added stress. Then he gave us the bad news I wasn't ready to hear. "Daniel Jacobs, is no longer with us. I am sorry to say." After the horrible news the doctor walked away. But I couldn't feel my legs. I couldn't feel my hands. I couldn't breath.

My dad, he's gone. I didn't even get to say goodbye. 'Its all my fault.' I thought to myself. If I was never late for class, maybe he would be alive. He was worrying about me, which added more stress to his weak heart. How could I do this to him.

"C'mon hun, let's go." My mom grabbed my hand and started dragging me out to the car. The car ride was a blur. All I remember was climbing in the backseat and curling up with my knees to my chest, and my arms wrapped around them.

That whole week I didn't go to school. I just stayed in my room. I barley ate. The funeral was on Saturday. I couldn't go. I wouldn't go. But my mom forced me to go to school on Monday. "But mom" I mumbled.

"Don't but mom me, you need to get out of that depressing state your in. And go have fun. Forget about what happened."

"Forget what happened? How am I supposed to forget that my father died trying to figure out where I was. Trying to make sure that I was alright. Huh? How am I supposed to forget that I caused my fathers death. That if I never got after school detention, then he would still be here. Alive. Not . . ., where ever he is right now. How am I supposed to live with myself. How am I supposed to face everyone in school. I'm sure the word got out. Everyone is going to be talking about it. People are just going to take pitty on me. 'The poor girl who lost her father.'. I finished. Didn't shed a single tear. I'm all cried out. I think that, that was as much as I ever talked since before the incident.

"Ok, you don't have to go to school today. But you can't hide from it forever. And it is not your fault that your father is gone. It is none of our faults. Its just how life goes. Everything happens for a reason. Always remember that." She walked out of my room.

Ben came in next. With his long blonde hair all messy. Like he hasn't  combed it in days. "Are you ok?" He sat next to me on my bed. He had a purple shirt on and some jeans. "Ya. Actually. I was relieved to get all of that off my chest. I couldn't hold it in much longer." I sighed, he put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him.

"You really should go to school. Its your senior year. I mean do you wanna graduate?"

"Well, ya"

"Then get out there. Get dressed. But, first, take a shower," he waved his hand in front of his nose. "You stink." I hit his arm playfully. "Just saying "

***

"I just herd about your dad. I am so sorry. I'm sure he is in a better place." A random girl walked up to me in the hall and said giving me a puppy lip. Which I found just gross. You could tell that she had a PB and J this morning.

That's all I have been hearing this morning. Like I said pitty. I hate it. I feel useless. And that no one cares about my feelings. Although they say 'I'm so sorry'. That don't mean anything.

Even Malory said it. But I could tell that she actually cared about me. "I was so worried about you. The whole school has been talking about it." Great. Just what I needed. The whole school to know about my personal life.

The day went by very slow. I couldn't concentrate in my classes. Not because of my dad, or the people talking to me about my dad. It was the people who weren't talking to me about it. Even Jesse said he was sorry to me today. But not Ethen. He hasn't said a word to me all day. We were getting along fine the other day. But now it seems like he is ignoring me. I have been staring at the back of his head in class. Hoping maybe he would pass back a note or something. But, nothing.

"Lexi?" The teacher said snapping me back to reality.

"Sorry, what?" I sat up to look at the teacher. Then to the board to see what we were talking about.

"Sorry for interrupting you from staring at Ethen, but you need to stay focused. I have herd about what happened to your dad. I know its a lot to handle, but you need to focus." I could feel the heat hushing to my cheeks when Ethen turned around to meet my eyes. I couldn't look away. It was like our eyes were magnets. And it was like he warmed my soul. Or was it my heart. But he looked away. Then it felt like all the warmth was being sucked right out of me.

Then the questions started coming back to me. "Do I like him?" "Well he warms my heart. No one was able to do that since . . ., my dad." "If he makes me happy, go for it" "but what if he doesn't feel the same way."

"Sorry Mrs. Salvatore." I quickly look down. But then back to Ethen. He started writing something down on a scrap piece of paper. Then he folded it, then he handed it to Jesse. Uh, how rude!

Jesse looked back at me then back to Ethen then started writing on the piece of paper. He handed the piece of paper to Ethen with a smirk on his face. I knew they were talking about me. It was kinda obvious.

The bell rang. I headed to lunch. When I got to my table and was eating my burger, Ethen and his friends kept looking at me. I started to grow worried. Ugh. Why don't they just come here and say what they want to say to my face and not whisper behind my back. Oh great. I jinxed it. Ethen and some of his friends started walking over to my table. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. Malory nudged my arm with her elbow. "What are they doing?" She whispered. I didn't answer. I didn't know the answer myself.

"Hey" Ethen was first to sit next to me. Then the others followed. Jesse sat next to Malory. She scooted more towards me. "I herd about you dad and I-"

"I don't want to talk about it. I don't need your pitty too." I cut him off. He looked uncomfortable.

"I was going to say, I know how you feel. I know it feels like he abandoned you. I know the misery of not being able to say 'hi' or 'I love you dad'. I know that you blame yourself. I did to. I even took it to the next level. I blamed my self because I thought that he left because he didn't love me. Which he didn't. And I know that for a fact. But I even tried to physically hurt myself." He looked down at his lap. I had forgotten that he told me that his dad left. And that he never knew him. I cant imagine Ethen Wolfe, the 'bad boy', ever trying to hurt himself.

"I'm sure he did love you. I mean no offence, but you never knew him. So how would you know if he loved you or not. And thanks. I needed that. All though it was kinda depressing, it helped. Everyone has been telling me 'sorry for your loss, I bet he's in a better place." I was relieved that someone understood how I felt.

"Trust me I know. And your welcome" I took that as an end of discussion. But he never left he just sat there. Talking with his friends and looking at me occasionally. Wow. Why is he 'the bad boy' he's actually a really nice guy.

"How did you get the whole 'bad boy' title?"

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