Teen Titans: The Eternal vs. Mortal Love Story - Book One

Chapter 41

Warning - This chapter contains a bit of explicit content that may be triggering or offensive.

My mind is full of questions I don't know how to answer. My emotions are ones I long to rip to shreds and bury into the ground.

And my heart...

My heart is darkening again, to the point of no return, to the point where I probably won't care anymore. I could feel bits of my humanity slipping away from my reach. That's not something I need on my conscience.

As I lay in my bed, curtains closed, embracing me into the darkness, I thought about the same things over and over again.

My parents are looking for me. The visions have become more frequent. Who knows when fate will send us crossing paths with each other again. I didn't want to. The loving parents I had were gone. All I had now were simply biological parents that created me in my native home of Krypton, seventeen years ago. I wanted nothing to do with them as they wanted nothing with me.

Like glancing at one picture frame at a time, my mind only transitioned into the next subject of my thoughts.

I'm no longer aging. I'm seventeen, forever. Forever bound, forever frozen into the body of adolescence. Even if I stayed with the Titans, they'd be old and withering and I'd still be this young vampire. It's not fair.

I would live past the life span of my own friends. One by one, I'd probably be here to watch throughout the years as they die. I could have been resting by now, waiting for them to join me on the other side.

It was stupid, no, moronic that I didn't consider the drastic changes my life would take when I turned into a vampire. It was all about what I desperately needed in that moment. I wanted to live and come back. 

He can't accept me as a vampire. I'm not the girl who kissed him when Slade's mind intrusion nearly killed us both. I'm not the girl who shyly admitted the raw emotions boiling inside towards him.

I'm the girl who has become the most reckless, most horrible creature in the world. I'm a mess.

And all I want right now is to mourn and disappear into the darkness of my bedroom's shadows.

Everything is hitting me from every angle and I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what to feel. I don't know what to say to make things better.

Feeling myself go into an auto pilot mode, I found myself grabbing Vervain, and making tea out of the herb. I didn't stop myself from consuming all the tea I made, roughly about three cups and downing it all as I tried to keep my coughing quiet in my bedroom. 

I felt that I deserved this pain for everything. I felt that I deserved to feel misery. 

The worst feeling for me so far isn't that I've seemingly lost so much already. My parents, my life.

Robin.

No, the worst feeling wasn't the grief over any of that.

The worst feeling is that I have lost myself completely. That I have no clue who I am anymore, not even a guess.

(Robin's POV)

This is all my fault. I've hurt Amber to the point of no return. I could see it in her eyes when she joins us, now in very rare occasions.

Her face has sunken in a bit. Her usual, healthy ivory skin looks paper white, deathly pale. Her lips, full and peachy as they were, were now one or two shades away from matching her skin tone. Her walk...it was as if she dreaded taking so much as a step.