Life After Marriage Book 3

Death Wish

"I just remember when I had her. And I was scared. I didn't know anything about children. I didn't think I was ready. I didn't know if I would be a good mom. And you weren't there. And I just remember when I held her as we were leaving the hospital and she smiled at me. And I just said God, I don't know where August is. But I just thank you for putting him in my life because nobody could give me her, but him. And now, we're back together. And the living arrangement is a little bit hard, I must admit. But August, I am so genuinely happy. I really am. You don't know how many nights, I just wanted this. Us. And I got it. I got it. So thank you for fighting for me, even when I thought you forgot about me." She wiped her eyes.

I pulled her into my chest, with Sata in my arms, and kissed the top of her head. I guess I was worrying for no reason at all. Because everything I thought I didn't have was right here.

-- If That's What It Takes, Chapter 38

August POV-

"Omg Amiri is so adorable, although his middle name is ugly." Stac trying to break the tension as we peered down at his little body through the incubator. He was attached to a breathing machine.

Because he was premature he couldn't breathe or eat on his own. His organs and breathing need more time to develop to be self sufficient.

Stacy's joke didn't help. My tears were still following. I wasn't allowed to see Amb as they were still working on her and this was in the middle of the night.

My hope was non-existent. They had been in surgery on her all damn day and night, and still nothing.

"Aug stop." Stac rubbed my back. "Miri made it and so is Amb."

I looked at Miri. His little chest going up and down with his breathing movements. But despite the tubes he still seemed to be resting peacefully.

Amiri Sylvester Alsina.  Our miracle child literally. From us losing our other child through a miscarriage, from our many failed attempts to have another one, to him surviving his mother being shot unharmed except for being born prematurely, he had been through war and back and somehow he was here.

"He's resilient because Amb is."
Stacy looked at me sure. Not a tear in her eye. "A child cannot be greater than the parent. What the parent possesses so does the child. He made it and Amb is."

I wiped my eyes and looked to make sure no one else was around. They weren't.

"If Amb don't make it, I want my kids to live you and Trav."

"What are you talking about?"

"Mama and Amb's mother they up in age. Cha already raised three. I don't want to put that burden on them. And I don't trust nobody else with my children's lives. I know y'all gon raise em right. I know y'all gon love em and give them everything me and Amb would."

"Hold on. You talking about killing yourself?" She screamed whispered to me.

"If Amb don't make it. I'm not."

She grabbed me by my arm and pulled me into a bathroom, locking the door.

"August snap out of it." She yelled shaking me.

"I can't. I made the decision already. Now I told you because I don't want there to be confusion. If I got to write it down for proof. I will."

"You are not killing yourself."

"Stacy It's not right they suffering and I'm not. I'm the man of my house Stac. That means I'm suppose to protect and take care of them and I can't do that. Ever since I been with Amb I just failed as a man. First it was I didn't have the money. Then getting kicked out of school. Now she..." I broke down.

Stacy brought my head down to her shoulders and patted my back.

"Aug we can't do this." She tried to keep herself from crying. "I promised myself I would be strong for her. Amb was there for everybody else and she needs us to be there by believing, praying and hoping for the best. Not by doubting."

"I hurt so bad Stac I can't breathe. Amb is my everything man. She my everything and if she go, there's no point to my life anymore. I barely survived Mel being gone, but Amb? I just know right now, I'm not."

"Yes you are." She grabbed my face starring in my eyes. "Amb's gonna wake up, then we're going to throw her a big coming home party, then she's going to get better and we're going shopping for her new niece or nephew. I need her too Aug." She touched her stomach, the tears finally succeeding. "Everything from life to marriage I call my sister and I refuse to imagine life without her."

There was a knock at the door.

"Aug you in there? They saying they want you to come see Amb."  I heard amb's mother voice.

I looked at Stac in her water filled eyes.

We both bowed our heads and held hands.

"Oh father God we come to you today first thanking you that you brought Miri into the world safely. And we pray that you do the same for Amb. It's out of our control now. We have no power to do anything, but father God you have it all. We come to you asking that you place your hands upon Amb and heal her so that she may come out of this alive. We are leaning on you because that's all we can do right now. In Jesus Mighty and Matchless name we pray. Amen." Stac said wiping her eyes.

"Amen."

We hugged and went to face Amb's fate.