Keeping Up With Cassandra (Completed)

Week Thirteen: Choreo

I walk towards my studio saying goodbye to Winter and Tiffany. I see Lane already in the studio and I was wondering why he didn't meet up with us all for breakfast. I almost missed breakfast myself because of how little sleep I got last night. Tossing and turning all night over something Shelli told me seems silly but I can't help it. I walk into the room quietly not to disturb his phone call and start stretching out.

"Yea Danica I miss you too.... Of course I want you here." I freeze as he says those words. "I know." All the tricks my mind was playing with my last night catch up to me all my thoughts and that stupid little voice makes me want to just sit in the corner and break down. It takes everything I have in me to not break down there on the floor. He looks at me and smiles but I know he can tell that something is off. "Hey Danica I have to go, Yea I'll call you later this week. Okay bye." He hangs up not even bothering to hide it. I feel this heaviness set in my chest. He walks over to me.

"Hey Cassie you okay?" He looks so sincere and so worried that it almost breaks me. I take a deep breath trying to think of anything to say.

"I just had a horrible sleep last night." I find my lips moving all on their own my body slipping into auto pilot. It hurts less then, makes me feel numb. I push all of my feelings away trying to be strong but I know it's fake. The real me is gone, lost in my mind.

"I'm sorry baby." He smiles trying to comfort me as the choreographer walks in. We get started and I stay in auto pilot knowing that I can't break down in front of anyone. This weeks number is about a girl who finds out her lover is cheating, wow how fitting. But instead of broken like me, she's pissed. She leaves him in the end and I channel all of my betrayal into the dance knowing that I have to let those emotions out at some point in time.

The rehearsal goes normal and when it's done I go and grab some food from the meal hall and take it back into my room. I trap myself in there. Just wanting to let my thoughts go. I pull out my phone and try to call my mom. It goes to her voice mail and I know this isn't something I want to leave on her voice mail so I put a fake cheeriness to my voice.

"Hey mom! I miss you but I'm excited to see you in less than two weeks. Just call me back if you get the chance. Love you." I hang up the phone and I have never in all my years on earth felt as lonely as I did in that moment. Sure week nine was horrible but at least I had mom and Lane to help me through everything as much as they could. I can't talk to Lane about this because he is the one who hurt me and mom she isn't here either, she has her job she needs to focus on. I pull my head phones out and listen to my Saddest playlist on my phone letting everything I've bottled up all day out. I cry myself to sleep that night.

Tuesday rehearsal went the same. Me ignoring and talking to Lane as little as possible. He knows something is up but I think he is assuming the pressure of the last two weeks are getting to me not that I know he's cheating on me. My brain is going crazy and I feel not like myself at all. I've even contemplated talking to Shelli about this which is crazy. I can't talk to Tiffany she's to happy with Simon and Winter will defend Lane I know she will, non of the guys can understand so I'm in this all on my own. Plus I need to figure out a way to break up with Lane and I can't think about it without feeling shattered all over again.

I grab my supper and head back to my room for the second night in a row. I'm sitting on my bed bawling as I attempt to eat my favourite meal of the month, ham and potatoes. It gets so bad I can't even finish it. I go to throw the rest of my supper in the garbage and guess who happens to walk into the dorms.

"Cassandra?" Tiffany's shock is all over her face as I hear Winters soft concerned words. I know I must look like a mess. I try to smile but even I know I'm not fooling anyone. Winter drops her bag and walks over to me and my heart starts racing. I feel constricted and My breath quickens. I jump away from them and rush out the door. I hear them shout after me as I sprint throughout the camp. I need space and I need to be alone. I rush down the trail to my rock not caring if they followed me or not. I run right past the rock to the clearing but it all reminds me of him. I drop to my knees knowing not even my space can make me feel better. The barriers are destroyed as I scream out more than shattered. It feels like my heart is so crushed it's powder. I sob out taking in as much air as possible as I feel trapped and I have a panic attack. I can't calm myself down and I can feel the snot running down my face. I look up to see both Tiffany and Winter watching me with concerned eyes. I watch as winter walks over.