Cassandra is wishing to become a famous dancer. She is in all of the different classes her dance school offers. As well on the dance team for her school, she is a co-captain. Everything she knows from Jazz to Tap to Points. With Ballet being one of...
"We've got this." I nod my head trying to not think about what this upcoming week means and what happens around this time of year. I try not to think of my mom at home all alone for one of the worst weeks we go through every year.
"Addition." I say to myself getting my head into the piece. Real, desperate, angry, scared, those are all of the things I need to be. We walk out on the stage and the vibe is different. I feel the correct emotions and know what I have to do.
I hear the music start and run over to Lane. I can't look at him. I dance through the piece letting my face show everything I'm feeling. I feel myself start to cry a little. I work through the piece knowing that I just have to finish this.
Lane throws me and I'm thrown back into my head. I do the steps because they are engrained into my memory. I feel the saddens, the feeling of losing myself, the feeling of losing in general. I lift up onto my tiptoes trying to get away from him. Away from myself and the guilt. We finish the piece and it's silent for one brief moment before the place explodes.
Everyone is on their feet. We leave the stage and I feel anything but accomplished. "That was amazing! I wasn't sure you had it in you but wow you both were perfect! Cassandra the emotion, the raw intoxicating realistic emotion was phenomenal. Thank you for bringing this piece and my vision to life." Our choreographer hugs us both before leaving. I just find myself thanking god that this week from hell is over.
We watch the other pieces but I find myself not fully here. I wish I could be at home with mom. I decide that when we find out our placement that I'll call her. I watch as they announce that they are posting the list. People rush over to watch as the list is shown. I see our names and my jaw drops.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
"Second place! Congratulations!" Winter comes over to hug us! I accept it before excusing myself. I walk away not knowing where I'm going but I just know I need to get away. I walk around the edge of the camp for I don't know how long. No one finds me and I'm not sure if I'm sad about it or grateful. I feel like I'm numb on the inside. Like there is a cloud stuck over me, keeping me from being happy and interacting properly with my friends. I feel so lost and confused. I don't know what to do.
I decide to head back to the rock. It's my place. The place I go to think and be by myself. It's my place of peace and calming. Even on the walk over there I can feel myself calm down a little. I brush the little tree that's I turn left at. The strange bush that serves as a marker that your almost there. Finally I come to the rock. I sit there and think about this upcoming week. It's going to be hard to go through this all by myself but I need to make sure my head stays in the dance. I think that's the only thing that will help me get through this week.
I sit there for what seems like forever but also no time at all. I think about all the possible things that could happen this week. What if we fail and go from second to fifteen? What if Lane is angry he got me as a partner? What if anyone finds out? What do I do on Thursday? How do I even focus on anything at all with this hole in my heart? The questions swirl in my head.
