With All My Heart → Transformers

Goodbye

*I don't own Transformers or anything affiliated with Transformers. I only own my original characters and plots. All rights go to Michael Bay and Steven Spielberg.*

This was the last thing I expected to ever happen to me. For me, this was the kind of thing that only existed on television and in stories. I've watched and read about thousands of people who have been forced to deal with this kind of thing, but never in my life did I imagine that I would turn into one of those people. Of course it was bound to happen to me at some point in my lifetime, but I just never expected it to happen to me at the early age of seventeen, and I also never expected the pain from it to be so intense and so unbearable. All I could do was pray that it wouldn't last forever, but I felt as if I would be let down. This kind of pain consumed every single inch of your body inside and out, and could only be stopped and obliterated by the person or thing that caused it. The thing was that the person who caused this was no longer living and that was something that just couldn't be undone no matter how much you wished that it could be.

Losing my best friend and little brother was one of the worst things that has ever happened to me. I was so torn apart inside and I feared that I could not be put back together. When you have someone in your life that is always there you expect them to always be there. That's how I felt at this very moment and I think that's why I was so heartbroken. He should be here with me, and the fact that he wasn't and never would be again literally broke me. Never in my life would I wish this kind of pain on anyone, and I hoped anyone who did have to deal with this kind of pain had a better time dealing with it than I did.

At the moment Nate and I were on our way upstairs. I was still a bit scared to do this, but I knew that I would regret it if I didn't. My only reasoning for not doing it earlier was because I was so angry and I was still trying to comprehend everything that's been happening the past week. Nothing made sense to me. Ethan was supposed to be okay; he was supposed to be living instead of lying brain dead in a hospital bed. It just wasn't fair.

As the two of us stepped into the Intensive Care Unit, I could feel my breathing start to pick up. My hands were shaking and Nate noticed this without a doubt. He squeezed my hand tightly before entwining our fingers together. It wasn't long before we approached Ethan's room. Just the atmosphere outside of it was enough to make me stop breathing.

Nate opened the door and the two of us walked in, all eyes immediately stopping on us. Everyone from the waiting room was in here--including the doctor--and I could almost bet that it was only because of the situation at hand. I shook my head and unclasped my hand from Nate's before continuing on into the room. I felt everyone's eyes on me as I approached Ethan's bed, but ignored them and focused solely on him.

My heart lurched in my chest when I saw him. He lay in bed like he did hours ago, but I expected him to at least look the way he did then. His broken leg was free of its cast leaving a dangerously swollen appendage in its place. The entire left side of his body looked much the same though. His neck brace was off as well, and the sight caused me to look away immediately; a human's neck should not look like that at all. His head was shaved and wrapped in gauze from his surgery, something of which caused me to let out a small, pained squeak. Lastly there was the ventilator where two long, thick tubes were coming out of his mouth. His chest moved up and down slowly, but I knew that Ethan himself was doing absolutely nothing. His skin was pale, and he looked absolutely lifeless. It was so awful seeing him this way. I almost wanted to throw up at the sight of him, but instead of doing so I sat down in the chair beside his bed.

I took a deep breath and grabbed his hand. It was cold, much colder than that of a normal human hand. Without bothering to worry about everyone else in the room, or the fact that the doctor was standing behind me ready to unplug the the ventilator the moment I was finished, I began speaking to him. If he couldn't hear me physically I hoped that he could wherever he was.

"I miss you so much and it's only been a few minutes. Wherever you are I hope you can hear me. You need to know just how mad I am at you for leaving me like this," I started. "I don't understand why this had to happen to you. You had your entire life ahead of you, Ethan. You don't understand how badly I'm going to miss you. You were my best friend and my little brother, and I honestly don't know how I'm supposed to be without you or if I'll even get through being without you. You were--and still are--without a doubt one of the greatest people I've ever known. You meant absolutely everything to me and I could only hope that I meant as much to you. My mind is so jumbled up that I can't even think of what to say to you at the moment. The only thing I can really say is that I love you so much, you little twat bag. Nothing and no one will ever be able to change that. Goodbye, E. Rest easy."

Without another word I let go of his hand and walked back out of the room, not even bothering to pay attention to the amount of human and Autobot eyes on me. I closed the door behind me and headed into the waiting room. The anger from earlier was slowly seeping back inside my body and I didn't know how I should feel about it. Come to think about it I didn't know how to feel about anything anymore. I began pacing back and forth in an attempt to calm myself down, but it wasn't working. I was only getting angrier and sadder, both of which weren't a good mix. Angry tears mixed with sad tears, and I found myself not being able to handle the amount of emotions being thrown at me. Without so much as thinking, I picked up one of the waiting room chairs and threw it with every ounce of strength I could muster up. It smashed through the waiting room window and flew across the hallway. It hit the opposite wall, chipping off a large piece of plaster, before falling to the floor.

I didn't even care that I had just destroyed hospital property. All I cared about was the fact that I had just lost one of the most important people in my life. I completely broke down and fell to my knees. There a lot of commotion outside of the room and that probably had to do with the fact that I just smashed through a window, but once again I didn't even care; I didn't even care about the fact that I was clutching glass so hard in my hand that I was now bleeding. It should have hurt, but the only pain I could feel was the pain from losing Ethan.

After a few moments I heard the waiting room door open. Footsteps padded across the carpet and I could almost bet whoever it was was coming for me. I was proven right, though, when I felt two hands on my shoulders. I turned around to see my father's holoform kneeling down in front of me. He did not look happy, but he didn't look angry either. If anything he looked upset and it only intensified as looked me in the eyes. He glanced down at my shaking hands and his frown deepened. He removed his hands from my shoulders and brought them down to my hands. After removing the two pieces of glass from my hands he pulled me to him. I cried harder and wrapped my arms around his neck.

I never knew saying goodbye someone you love could cause so much pain. . .