take it how you want it

the beauty in pain

I find beauty in the fact that it hurt 

I find beauty in the fact that it still does

It took a while to see that 

through the restless nights and tears

I thought this was it 

I would never feel that way again 

But then you came along 

you showed me that it is okay 

It is okay to open up 

It is okay to feel feelings that I was scared to express

 I have spent a lot of my life never allowing myself to feel anything 

All because I knew if I felt too much when things were okay 

Eventually, when our love died I wasn't going to be okay 

That happened 

I felt like I poured into you for nothing but that is not true 

I poured into you because for once in my life I felt safe enough too

I poured into you the way I had been pouring into myself for so long 

My heart is so full of love

I realize that now more than ever 

If I tell you I like you I mean it 

If I tell you I miss you I mean it 

If I tell you I love you I mean it 

I truly mean it with every fiber of my being 

The pain I feel now will pass 

But I cherish the sting my heart feels when I hear your name 

I cherish the tears that fall from my eyes 

I cherish the way I miss you 

I cherish it all because it was real to me 

The pain is a reminder to me that it's okay to get close 

Even though you couldn't appreciate the love I was willing to give 

Thank you for opening my eyes to what could have been 

Thank you for it all 

You have a piece of me always 

When the flowers start to bloom in the garden that was once chilled by the winter cold 

I'll think of you 

I'll think of the life you poured back into the pieces of me 

I'll think of your eyes when I look at the bright blue sky 

I'll think of you when I see cowboy boots in the store windows

Knowing yours will be covered in dirt no matter how much you clean them 

I'll think of you when the cold beer hits my lips 

I'll think of you but it won't be painful 

I'll think of you always because of what you gave me 

You gave me peace 

I hope to find you again 

And if I never do maybe in the next life 

You were always worth it to me.