take it how you want it

i'll call you out.

normally i don't call anyone out

no matter what they did to me

what their actions made me feel

even if it wasn't to hurt me 

i'll never call you out 

you call me out on mine 

everyone does

telling me that i'm this or that

never what i truly am 

i'm reminded of my mistakes

i'm reminded that i am small 

in a world full of people who call themselves perfect

 i process hurt on my own 

i process anger on my own 

because i don't want to hurt anyone anymore

i don't want to cry anymore

when i do i get upset with myself

i think to myself how could you do this to me 

it doesn't just hurt

it burns a hole in my heart every time my mind decides to wander

i get so in my head that i don't want to think any longer

i'm stuck on the thought 

like a song on a constant loop 

i just call myself crazy for feeling the way i do

so i do not feel the need to call out to you 

i'm shamed like a disgrace 

a discarded dog stared at in pure distaste

i won't tell you when this hurts

i'll let this eat me up from the inside out 

maybe my guts will spill 

my mouth will never open 

my thoughts might wander a little too far

but you'll pull me back the moment you call me out 

the cycle repeats 

here i am again 

almost exploding like the walls are caving in 

seeing red and not a single shade of you 

jealousy or hurt i can't chose 

my god just remove this memory from out of my brain

i wish i never knew 

it's driving me fucking insane

so insane i'll just call myself crazy once again 

or maybe psychotic fits the image 

the way i itch my body at the thought of the taste

you say you regret it but are you lying to my face 

i'm not trying to call you out it's not what i do 

but at this point, i'm out of options to choose

it's been months and i still can't get it to leave

it's the worst thing to ever happen and you didn't even cheat 

it was before our new chapter so i don't have the right to be upset

but come on did my friends come in set

why 

is the only word i think 

maybe this is the moment i'll admit it

i don't think i can carry this any longer 

i'm not getting any stronger

maybe this is the day

or the time 

i hope i don't scream or blurt it out

but this time i'm calling you out