my toxic trait is that i'm always ready
i'm always ready to argue
i'm always ready to cry
i'm always ready to be left
i'm always ready to defend myself
but i'm not ready to let myself be loved
i'm bleeding on the person who didn't even cut me
yet i can't stop it
my brain is wired in a weird way
if something is going good for too long
there is a lie
a problem
an unspoken truth
i don't stop digging for it
i push
i hurt
i cut
all so i can find the issue
when really the problem is me
my eyes are tunneled in
i only see everything that can go wrong
it's almost like i make sure it does
it's all for preparation
to be hurt
to be lied too
to be left behind
to be seen as a bad person
to be heartbroken
i'm prepared for all the bad
but when there is a person
my person
who gives me love
i pick a fight
i poison it
i hold a grudge
i blame
i yell
i bitch
but i never just let it be
i don't know why
i wish i wasn't so toxic
i'm always scared
hiding in fear
and once i'm exposed
i throw everything i can
so it will go away
like a casted spotlight
and i'm the main act
like a puppet to its master i obey
i obey my toxic trait
i ruin my relationship
i lose my person
and when the future comes
i know i'll be alone
who would want to stay
who could breathe
who could live like this
with me
if i can't even live with myself
YOU ARE READING
take it how you want it
Poetrythis is a series of poems i have written about past and current events. everyone handles emotions differently, here is how i handle mine
