take it how you want it

shattered heart.

the moment it was over i cried
but crying and saying it was painful doesn't justify how it really felt
the pain was physical
my chest was heavy
i couldn't breathe
and i cried harder knowing they were walking away just fine
they walked away so easily
without turning back
they left you alone with a shattered heart
you had worked so hard to make sure they felt how they made you feel
you put in so much time
so much effort
and love
that's the most important thing
you gave them everything you had
and they walked away
like it meant nothing
like you meant nothing
and as the days, weeks, and months go by
you go through a lot of phases
the first one is forgetting
that first gloomy morning
when you wake up with dried tears and heavy sleep in your eyes
you check your phone for that "good morning i love you" text
but it's not there
then the emotions come flooding back just like the memory of when you lost them
the second something happens you want to tell them about it
but you're stuck
you ponder on who to call now
who to reach out too
but there is no one you want to call more than the one you love
you're on your own
all your accomplishments and struggles cannot be shared with the person you love most
and though people may say they understand
they didn't understand your bond with them
the moments only the two of you shared
nobody could understand how they made you feel
nobody could understand the warmth and safety you felt with them
because they aren't you
and the more people keep on saying it will be alright
it doesn't feel alright
it feels cold
empty
you feel broken by your lost love and the words that were said
that's what leads you to the second stage
anger
you just want to scream
everyone is suffocating you
explaining the reasons why they are gone start to piss you off and you spiral
you get so angry at the world
even the people you love most
the one that broke you, you're mad at them
the thought of them just makes you angry
knowing they don't care and their most likely loving someone else
you're angry but you're also hurt
you get sick to your stomach thinking about it
you get bitter
all the random texts just cause you more pain
more tears
you get angry at yourself for being upset but who else can you get mad at
you reach the point where you can't love them anymore
now you can only hate
you hate them
for all the words
the pain
the tears
you hate them
this phase is the longest
all your once happy memories are now clouded with hatred
you question if it was even real
was it all some sick twisted dream
they are not who you thought they were
and that makes you angrier than ever
the third phase is acceptance
you accept who you've become
the lessons you've learned
you understand why
you understand you've grown so much
all on your own
though it was hard
it was worth it in the end
you know understand your reality
you understand what you felt was love
the image of them comes back to its original form
they are now a stranger you know a little too well
the bond you once had is severed
you know that your past will guide you
that your pain was worth it
and every tear that dripped onto your cheeks
weren't meaningless
it is now okay
you love yourself and body entirely
better than before
you can breathe now
you are now at peace
your heart is no longer shattered but healed
even with scars it can still give so much love
you were born to love
be proud of your journey love
the first love is always the hardest but it's just beginning of life