Ditto Dissonance (Boys' Love)

Chapter 32

Chapter 32: Easing Fire

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Caiden's Point of View

As soon as I went out of the locker room, I saw Zern and his other friend talking to Ashton. Nasa gitna pa talaga sila ng court. They seem to be so very close. Pero wala na akong pakialam do'n. As long as, na-clear ko naman na 'yung air sa amin ni Ashton, wala ng problema. Ayaw ko lang na may maging gulo sa loob ng court. At magiging way na rin 'yon para hindi na talaga kami magpansinan ni Zern.

Pinuntahan ko sina Echo at Titus na nasa bleachers at nagkukwentuhan. Naupo ako sa tabi ni Titus. Pero imbis na makisali ako sa kwentuhan nila, napatingin ulit ako kina Zern. Hindi siya nagsasalita, nakatitig lang siya kay Ashton. 'Yung isang kaibigan lang niya ang nagsasalita.

Bigla ko tuloy naalala 'yung ginawa ni Ashton kanina. Pinapunas niya 'yung pawis niya kay Zern, it looks like he's flirting with him at that state. I wouldn't do that even if I am super close with that person. I even heard him teasing Zern, and he's liking his reaction. As a guy, I can tell that he likes Zern. Or I am just assuming things? He's with two gays anyway, baka somehow na-realize na niya 'yung identity niya.

What the fuck am I thinking about? Getting so curious about someone's life.

Mahina na lang akong natawa sa isipan ko. Ibinaling ko na lang ang atensyon ko kina Titus na nagkukwentuhan tungkol sa naging laro kanina. Nakikitawa lang din ako pero hindi ako nakikikwento. Tulad nila, nag-enjoy din ako sa laro kanina. Maayos lahat. Walang naging away or initan. Literal na friendly-casual game lang ang nangyari kaya siguro magaan ang pakiramdam ko ngayon.

Surprisingly, I don't feel irritated seeing Zern. I don't know why. Maybe because I decided to have a nice talk with Ashton. Maybe that's why. He explained some things that made sense to me and I somehow realized what he was trying to say. I realized his point about Zern but I don't have to live and deal with it. It's not like Zern and I are friends, right?

Ang mahalaga, somehow naintindihan ko naman. At hindi na ako naiirita sa tuwing nakikita ko si Zern ngayon. I feel myself way better. Maybe I was wrong for starting to hate Zern for nothing. He's gay and all, but it doesn't matter, really. Siguro, naging natural lang talaga sa akin na mabilis akong mairita sa mga bading dahil palagi kong naalala 'yung nangyari sa akin noon sa club. Naiinis akong hindi ko naprotektahan ang sarili ko laban sa kanila.

Ayaw ko rin talaga ng soft boys, or too friendly boys like him. Naalala ko ang sarili ko noon. Nagki-cringe ako at nagagalit, since I was once one like him. Then I found myself getting treated badly and bullied. That time, hindi ko rin napagtanggol ang sarili ko. I could have been rude as fuck, but that moment, I still chose to understand them. Ako na nga ang na-bully, ako pa ang umintindi.

Maybe the way I treated Zern is how I respond to my triggers.

But it doesn't matter now. Like I said, ang mahalaga hindi na ako naiirita kapag nakikita ko siya. So, no more feuds from now on. Hindi na kami mag-aaway. I hope we get along somehow. Kahit alam kong imposible 'yon. I'm just hoping for something best for me, you know? Just terminating negative energy.

Nang balingan ko ulit ang pwesto nina Zern kanina, wala na sila ro'n. Hindi ko na napansin ang pag-alis nila. Lumipas pa ang ilan pang minutong pagkukwentuhan namin nina Titus, bago ko sila inaya na umalis na rin do'n. Magpupunta pa kami sa Ginto's Coffee dahil magpapasa pa ako ng resume.