Life of Me

chapter 19

Hamza

"Hamza..." She calls to me. She's got my full attention. Always.

She looks like she's battling herself to say some words. I'm looking at her. Not eyeing her. Just normal looking at her as to what she wants to say.

"Hamza..." She calls again. Her mouth closes. She shuts her eyes closed tightly and a heavy sigh escapes her lips. She is conflicted. She sulks.

"It's okay." I assure her and she opens her eyes. They're teary and my face immediately concerns.

"Are you sure?" She asks me.

"Am I sure about what, love?" I ask her softly. My upper body is turned to her side so I can give her full attention to her speaking to me. She once again shits her eyes.

"Take your time, love." I soothe her with my voice. I cannot comfort her by caressing her leg or arm or whatever. But I soothe her with my voice. So that she can know it's okay. I will wait for her.

"Get your mind to relax first, love. I know it's messy right now and you're trying to have a conversation with me. Don't overthink it. Take control of it." I tell her gently. She nods her head at me and opens her eyes once again.

"Are y-you sure you w-want to marry me?" Stutter. One thing anxiety does. It's difficult. And uncontrollable. But it's okay. I understand her. I want to understand her. I am willing to try my best.

"Yes, love. I'm sure. Why are you asking me that?" I ask her with curiosity. She's overthinking. Again.

"Tell me what's on your mind. Just say it. Whatever it is that is on your mind literally right now."

"I have anxiety. Are you willing to spend your life with me? With me who cannot even control anxiety?" She asks me. I look at her with sadness. I don't like the way she thinks and then over thinks it.

"My love, my Ismahanie. I'm 100% willing to spend the rest of my life with you and only you. It's okay if you cannot control your anxiety. I'll go with you through your hardships. I want to be with you when you're having difficulty or when you're tired and drained. When you're not feeling okay. I want to take that step with you and go through it together. With you." I look at her breathless after I finish my words.

"Why!" She exclaims. "Why would you want to spend the rest of your life with me. Me Hamza. Me." She pleads softly like she is about to break again.

"Because I'm deeply inlove with you." I gently confess. I try to keep my voice gentle with her. I should and I will. She deserves alot.

"Is this what's on your mind?"  I ask her. "This about that I wouldn't be able to help you or I'd get tired of you because of your anxiety? Then let me tell you you're wrong. I willingly would try my best to help you through each step of anything you do. I could never ever possibly get tired of you. Woman, I'm deeply in love with you. I can never get tired of you." Breathless. That's what I am. I needed her to understand that I'll always try my best with her.

"Do you understand me?" I look at her and she nods.

"Im inlove with you too." She mumbles but I clearly hear it. She nods with an embarrassed smile. She just confessed to me. "You are?" My face brightens and so does my smile. "You do?" I exclaim in happiness and she nods once again.

"Yes!" I scream hitting my hand against the steering wheel in happiness. "Gosh!" My heart is pounding. My stomach erupts into butterflies. She is effortlessly doing this to me. She's one of a kind.

She's smiling at me as she watches my reaction.

"Shukran for loving me." Hamza is smiling.

"Shukran for loving me too." Ismahan is smiling.

We sat in the car for about a few mins more speaking here and there about things. She yawns.

"You should go inside. You're tired." I say softly.

"Are you sure?" Ismahan asks softly as she looks at me.  I nod at her indicating yes. I want to say no, but i don't want her to lose any of her beauty sleep. She deserves her sleep alot. I'd still love to speak to her more right now but I guess the universe has its own ticks and games. she's looking at me with a smile.

"Okay then. Shukran for the night once again." She says opening the car door. "Salaam Hamza."

"Salaam, love." I greet her back before she closes the door and she walks to her front door. I wait till she's inside and she waves at me before closing the door. The lights are turned on and I started my car and reversed out of her driveway in happiness.

Ismahan is inlove with me.

~R