Unrequited? Air at Sea

60. Mind Games?

-Arie-

The sunshine beams in through the open curtains as we observe each other unhurriedly.

I don't know how long we've been so still doing this.

All I know is I woke to baby blue eyes staring up at me unblinking.

His head rests on my chest against my heart as he gazes at me. I have no idea what he's thinking I have urgency to ask but also I don't want to disturb the perfect stillness and quiet.

After a while my curiosity wins out.
"Don't your eyeballs get dry from staring that way? What are you thinking about?"

He blinks rapidly as if his eyes were dry but hadn't noticed.

"A lot of things...questions too."

"Like?"

"He tormented you...why didn't you say something? And don't tell me it was cause you thought I would kill him. Why let it go so long and get so bad?" He asks with furrowed brows.

My first instinct is to run far away from that subject but with our bodies intertwined I feel so safe.

I sigh, "I couldn't bring myself to say the words..... even as I watched it get worse and worse. I just told myself it would be ok each time it happened."

"None of it was ok. I guess I understand not telling me but you're parents Arie? shit my parents. Why not tell them?"

"It's humiliating. I'm a man too. I know it's hard to tell but I hate the idea that people have to save me."

"All people need to be saved sometimes, it doesn't make you less of a man."

"I'm not much of a man.. never will or can be but I'm not a lady either. During that time I felt less rational cause of the things he said. I guess it was my way of being defiant cause he expected me to beg someone to save me."

"You weren't being defiant. He was manipulating you and your silence let him."

"I get that now, back then it felt so hopeless. All my options seemed wrong. Say something and risk making a big, humiliating stink when his father would have cleaned it for him anyway. That would only make Trent more vicious and I had no confidence in people believing me."

"We would have believed you."

"Our families would. But who else?"

"A lot of people. I would have made them listen."

"It isn't your responsibility."

"Wrong. You are always my responsibility. I will always take care you...Know why?"

"Why?"

"Cause you have always cared and protected me just as fiercely. Right here in your arms is the safest place in the world to me. Why can't I return that favor?"

"Me? Keep you safe?"

"Yeah. Don't you know that? It's why I can only sleep if you hold me. When I'm in your arms I can't be snatched away to that basement. I'm not on edge and I sleep so soundly."

My eyes water at his words. I cry quietly as I consider how much guilt I have always held for letting him get taken in the first place. I should of screamed or ran for help. But I was so confused as a five year old.

It wasn't a big dramatic kidnapping.

A clean cut, well dressed adult appeared and took him. I guess I thought that it was ok at the time. I didn't know to be alarmed and just stood there waiting for Trish to come back.