Unrequited? Air at Sea

22. New?

-Tee-

I wake before Arie I'm not surprised he cried himself to sleep. It was heartbreaking. I really hate talking about that.

What happened to me was awful but I don't want Arie to feel guilty. It's strange they don't talk about it but everyone who knows about it feels guilty. Arie and his parents. My parents feel guilty and I try my hardest to avoid it.

I don't blame them and I hate that they carry the burden with me.

Arie whines and I hold him tighter.

"You're already awake?" He mutters.

I kiss the back of his shoulder, "I want to talk to you."

"What about?"

I pull him to lay flat so I can see his face. I notice right away how puffy his eyes are.

"I love you, Arie."

"Why do you keep saying that?

"Because I haven't said it enough. I know I fucked up in the past but I don't want you to doubt that you really do own my heart."

His fingers move into my hair to stroke gently while he contemplates my words.

"I love you too." He says finally and I feel so relieved.
I take a moment to choose my words wisely.

"You're telling Caleb about me. Should I tell Bree?"

"Well, you two have agreed that you aren't exclusive. I guess you don't have to."

"I think I should because I want to spend more time with you. Like not in bed but together doing things and I think I will have to. More than that I want to tell her."

"Why?"

"You aren't just a hookup. I want to hold your hand in public. I'm ready for people to know I love you."

"Why all of a sudden?"

"It's not. I lost you for a year, three months, and two weeks. I was scared to death I lost you for good and kicked myself every day for all the things I didn't do with you when I had you. I don't want to waste any more opportunities being with you."

Aries expression changes a little at a time fluctuating between different feelings.

"I know you're still scared of me. If I'm being honest I'm scared of us both. I'm scared of all the things I know you want and I want to satisfy you but fear I can't. Maybe I don't have the things in me to make you happy. But I want to try. I don't want to disappoint you again."

"Why do you think that you don't have the things in you to make me happy? Tee you have everything. You are enough."

"But I don't give you everything you deserve because I get so shut down and stuck in my head. In the end, I hurt you. I don't want to do that anymore."

"Then don't. Take it a day at a time. And if things get too scary talk to me stop shutting your heart away."

"I'll try. I mean I will. It's just hard for me sometimes to show how dark and ugly my heart is at times."

"I don't care. Share it with me. Show me every single shard of darkness. If I'm going to love you I want every piece of your heart because it belongs to me."

"Even if I cut you?"

"It's better than being hurt and not knowing why you hurt me. At least if you tell me I can prepare myself or dodge your sharp edges. Up until now you just stab me and I never know what happened or what I did to deserve it."