Unrequited? Air at Sea

9. Change?

-Arie-

"What are you saying?" He asks me, his bushy eyebrows practically connecting with tension.

I turn away from him and grab my loofah. I lather it in my eucalyptus-scented body wash that quickly takes over the shower in calming steam.

"You'll be able to like her now that you aren't missing me."

"If you don't live with me I will miss you."

I take a deep breath inhaling the minty scent.

"I'll live with you." I mutter as I start to massage the sudsy loofah against my skin.

He wraps his arms around me. " Really?"

"Yes, but as a friend and only under the condition that you don't break up with her."

"Why?"

"Just because I'm back doesn't mean I agree to be your midnight sex toy. You said you wanted to be friends like we used to be. Let's be friends."

He spins me around to face him.
"I don't want that."

"You did a year ago. How much could have possibly changed?" I tell him as I lean forward to clean my bottom half.

He takes hold of my arm and I peer up at him.

"A lot has changed Arie. I didn't know myself as much as I do now."

"That's nice for you but I still don't know myself. I don't even know for sure if what we have between us was caused by proximity or actual genuine feelings. Even though I know it's wrong I can't even trust my body around you."

"You want that to change?"

"Of course I do. You hurt me really bad I could hardly get out of bed for months. I'm not jumping in feet first just so you can tell me once again you aren't gay months from now. I want to try being friends. I want to try dating."

"Other people?"

"Yes, other people. Why can't I? From what I heard you spread yourself around while I was gone. Also, you are dating Bree. You miss me? You want me near? Ok, you got it but I'm not your courtesan who crawls into your bed when you call. At least not anymore." I say as I reach back to wash my backside.

He takes the loofah from me and takes over the job starting at my neck.

"Is that how you think I see you?"

"Isn't it? A hole to fuck when you want to drive the nightmares away."

He once again takes hold of my chin forcing me to look back at him.

"Never Arie. You were never that. I know I fucked up for way too long. But I never saw you as a hole to fuck. I have always been enamored with every part of you."

"Apart from my dick."

"Don't you see me trying?"

"Maybe I don't want someone to try to be attracted to me. Tee, I want someone who doesn't have to force themselves to love me."

His eyes dart across my face as I try not to scowl at him. He releases my chin and I turn my head to look at the tiles in front of me.

He doesn't refute it. Not that he could we both know. I swallow the lump in my throat as he washes my back working his way down.

"I don't try to love you Arie. I just always have." He tells me as I turn my back towards the water.

"Yeah and it equates to nothing but me fleeing to Miami with my broken heart in my hand," I say scornfully.
"What's done is done. Let's just move forward." Is the last thing I say as I flee from the shower hoping the conversation is over.