A Good Kind of Change

Complicated

I am tired of waking up sweaty. I hop out of bed as fast as possible and run to my bathroom and empty my stomach into the toilet. I lean my head back and cry to myself.

These past weeks have been hell. Colin's gone, Mr. Carlson told me about Layla, Colin's publicist Gina showed up at my job, my publicist Carmen sucks and somehow Trayson found his way back into my text messages and decided to call me last night.

He begged for me to give him another chance but that is most definitely not going to happen. Come to find out my mother encouraged him to call me because she wants us together because she still doesn't "like" Colin.

I don't even like Colin right now to be honest. To be completely honest I would rather be alone than with Trayson. Who wants to be with a man that's abusive and just a weirdo?

He called me a gold digging bitch because I won't date him and I'm dating a NFL quarterback. But he's a millionaire baseball player! As if that would make me leave Colin and go for him.

I wanted to call Colin but that wouldn't have helped at all.

I have also been really sick this past week. I was really hoping I caught a virus but that doesn't seem to be the case. I wipe my eyes and pull my hair up into a bun. I quickly brush my teeth and take a deep breath and walk out. I put on a pair of black leggings, a hoodie, flip flops, and sunglasses. I walk slowly outside wasting time thinking about what the outcome will be.

I hop in my car and I drive in a daze to CVS. Thankfully there is hardly anyone in here. Hoodie up, head down, and sunglasses on, I walk to a section I never thought I would go to anytime soon.

I pick up two different pregnancy tests and I turn around to go to the self checkout.

"He's going to leave you..." I hear someone say from behind me. What the hell... I turn around to see Gina.

"What..." I say dumbly.

"He's going to leave you if you're pregnant. Colin has no time for a kid, honey. Trust me." I hate Gina. Why is she out anyway? Shouldn't she be home plotting my death with Carmen or something? I'm so dramatic.

I'm glad I'm wearing shades so no one will see me crying. Why can't she just leave me alone? I pay for the tests and drive back home shaking slightly.

What if I am pregnant? What the hell am I going to do... I mean I am doing good for myself it's not like I'm not financially stable, it's just if I am pregnant, what am I going to tell Colin?

All too soon I'm sitting in my driveway staring at the bag on my seat. I drag myself out of the car and hope to God Gina doesn't say anything. I walk carefully inside and trudge to the bathroom. I follow the directions on the test and wait.

The three minutes went by slowly and the knot in my stomach got tighter. It got really hot and I began to shake. I look at both the tests and one says negative and the other says positive. Fuck my life.

Tears start to fall down my face and I just want to start life all over again. Why is this happening... I cannot believe this. We were so careless...

What is Colin going to say? What is everybody going to think? What if he thinks I tried to trap him? Oh my goodness... I cannot let Colin find these. I put the tests in a bag and hide them under the sink. 22 and pregnant. Way to go me. Thought I could do better than this. I ain't ready for no kid.

I wash my hands and wipe my eyes. I walk upstairs to my room and lean against the door. What am I going to do... I can't make him stay, and he probably won't want to either.

Colin has been moody all month while in Miami. When we talk on the phone, he gives me short answers and he sounds bored the whole time and he doesn't even text me good morning anymore. Crab and Anquan aren't there with him so I have no inside to what exactly he's up to.

I feel like something is up to be honest. Every time I talk to him it's like he doesn't want to be bothered and I'm a problem.

Why is this so complicated? I just miss the old Colin where we could talk for hours and not get tired of each other. I am so over this. I need a break like now.

I'm scared to tell him I'm pregnant because I'm so scared he'll leave me. I don't know if I'll be able to take it if Colin ever left me. I love him so much.

I get my laptop and look at flights going to RDU International. I need to go home. Typical me running away from my problems. Even though I'm pissed at my mom, I just want to leave California.

This is not the best idea but I just need a break from the west coast. Mr. Carlson knows what's up and he gave me the rest of the week off anyway. Thank God it's only Tuesday.

The next flight leaves in two hours and I buy a ticket and fly around my room packing clothes and gathering everything I need. Forget Colin. I ain't even worried about him right now. After I pack I take a shower and get ready I call Mia and I tell her what's going on before I leave. She wants to kill my lovely boyfriend and my mother and so do I to be honest.

I search him up on Twitter like the crazy girlfriend I am and thanks to some wonderful fans of his I find out that he went out with "some girl" last night. Okay then. Colin I see you.

I fall back onto the bed and stare at the ceiling. I might be pregnant and I'm ninety nine percent sure my boyfriend doesn't want me anymore. This is just great.

The cab driver blows the horn and I grab my stuff and head out. The drive to the airport was short. I pay the cab driver and make my way inside. People stare and take pictures. This is still kinda weird to me. I make my way to my terminal and hand the lady my ticket. Thank God I can get on early. I find my seat and my phone vibrates and it's my non existent boyfriend.