A Good Kind of Change

A Publicist

Mr. Carlson thought it was a good idea that I get a publicist. I did too until I met her. Said publicist is named Carmen. Big mistake.

For one she was stuck up and always had a bad attitude towards me. She was nice to everyone else, but me.

I can't lie she's really pretty. Brunette hair barrel curled, light brown eyes, makeup always on point and super skinny. But she was super fake just like her boobs.

Today I'm doing my Rolling Stone photo shoot. I did a couple of shoots before just to get used to it and now here we are.

The photo shoots I did before didn't get published. The photographers wanted them to but I wasn't ready.

I am still pretty self conscious about my weight but I'm moving past it, slowly but surely.

"You would be so pretty if you would lose some weight, but that's just my opinion, sweetie." She's really starting with me. Just walk away...

"Your opinion is irrelevant babe. I don't care." I say walking towards my dressing room.

My outfit is just a black and white American flag muscle shirt cut down the middle to show my boobs. No pants, shorts, or bottoms. Just that shirt, and black lace panties. I'm kind of scared because this is pushing it and I don't want to get in trouble by ESPN for it.

My makeup is more on the natural side with a dark lip which I low key love. I have always had a thing for dark lipstick. My hair is pin straight just how I like it. This is gonna be great.

I walk out of my dressing room faking confidence I wish I had. Chin up, one foot in front of the other.
You got this. You're Colin Kaepernick's girlfriend. Act like it.

I take a deep breath walking towards the photographer and his friend. Faking confidence.

At first I'm kind of nervous about this. I'm really awkward in front of the camera when it comes to taking pictures. I think about Colin and my expression completely changed from smiley to glaring. I think I'm mad because I missed him...

"That's what I need! Smoldering, angry, sexy." The photographer, Sam, is really funny, I actually like him and his boyfriend, Randy, is making me laugh cause he is straight hilarious.

His boyfriend turns up his iPod and we start singing and dancing to National Anthem by Lana Del Rey. The photographer snaps away and I pose and swing around.

"Red, white, blue is in the sky
Summer's in the air and baby, heaven's in your eyes.
I'm your National Anthem."

"Yas girl! Finally you get some life in you! Colin must not be hitting it right for you to be lookin' all sad and shit."

"Sam!" I shout at him and laugh.

"What girl I'm just being honest. That man is a big hunk of sexiness. I'd be throwin' it back for him every single night, like damn daddy!" I swear I have never laughed so hard. And he's doing this while snapping pictures. I sure hope I don't look crazy person.

Soon after two hours I'm done and looking at proofs. I actually look good. "You know the camera puts weight on you? Unnecessary weight I might add." Carmen says looking me up and down.

"Bitch shut up we tired of hearin' your little hoein' ass speak. Damn all you do is talk shit. No one gives a fuck about what you gotta say!" Sam shouts. Hand clapping and all. I am so freaking done right now.

I'm laughing my ass off in the corner and Randy caught me off guard taking pictures of me laughing. I better not look like some damn horse meme.

Carmen scoffs and walks away tapping at her phone and smacking her gum.

"Girl you are damn fabulous. Don't let the skank bother you." Sam says.

"I'm trying not to but she's pushing it. It's something about her I can't put my finger on but I feel like I have to watch out for this one." I say waving my hand around.

"Yeah girl you really need to watch out for her. Who knows she might be trying to steal that sexy man of yours." Randy said. This really made me think. I guess I'll have to do some investigating on this bitch.

Soon my day with the guys are over and I'm back in my bed as lonely as ever.

I've been more tired than usual this week and all I have been doing is sleeping.

I miss Colin so much but I'd rather be childish and let him tell me he misses me first.

I talked to Colin about Gina and he just brushed me off and told me not to worry about it. Of course it's still playing in my mind and every possible scenario there was to make up, I made up.

Something about Gina and Carmen rubbed me the wrong way and I was waiting for something to go wrong so I could get rid of them. But for now, I'll sit back and watch how this plays out.

I feel like there's way more to the story than Colin is letting on and I want to know what's up. If he doesn't tell me then I guess I will have to start snooping because I feel like this whole Gina and Carmen as our publicists will not end on good terms at all.

At home, I decided to wind down with a glass of wine and just cuddle into my blankets. I missed my Colin so much and I hate being mad at him. I don't even remember why I was mad. My emotions are out of control.

On one hand I do trust him, I just don't trust these hoes out here thirsting after him. I feel like I'm too clingy at times with him and that I love him way more than he loves me. I don't love him because he's the badass quarterback, I love him because he's such a wonderful and caring person, inside and out.

Carmen, she better know her place. She's a publicist and nothing more. If she's scheming with Colin's publicist Gina, there will be hell to pay. I shake the feeling off and check social media.

Looking on Twitter, girls @ me calling me a "trifling hoe" because I've been seen with Colin multiple times. Apparently he bought my career too. Oh how I love finding out about myself from random Twitter hoes.

Colin is one of the nicest people I have ever met to be honest. People don't see that side of him and that's why they think I'm after him because of the looks and the money. The looks is just a bonus, and I have my own money so I don't need his.

Some people think his Camp Taylor project is just a facade, but he loves those children to death and the look on his face when he goes to visit them warms my heart. I know Colin loves kids and I hope I can give him that some day. I would give Colin the world if I could. Even when I'm mad at him.