fifty one

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June 28, 2018 Birmingham

I know that you're in Europe right now

but when you come back we should talk

if you still want

of course I do

I should be back around the 3rd

we'll talk then?

I look at the these messages with the biggest smile. It's like my tradition since the day I got them. And it was almost 3 weeks ago. She didn't text me back after my responses, but it's okay. The only thing to matter to me is that she's willing to give me a chance to explain myself.

I literally started crying when I saw the messages. Thank god it was in the morning and not before my show.

Damn, I went so bloody soft for her.

But that for sure lightened up my mood and fuck, I was so glad that I didn't continue the dark path. If I would, I bet Lizzie wouldn't take me back at any chance, but now I have a chance.

But right now, I'm in Birmingham's hotel room as I arrived here a few hours ago after my show in Manchester. Normally, I'd stay till early morning to have a nap in the hotel after my show before I go to another city, but I've planned an Instagram live and as I am in different time zone right now, for me the music video will be at 5 a.m.

I wait till 5.05 a.m and rest the phone against a few books on the table as I sit on the floor with crossed legs. Then, I turn on the live and watch how the numbers grow in seconds. I smile happily to the camera and wave kinda awkwardly.

"Hi, guys! Wow, you guys are quick, huh? Already so much of you here. Shouldn't y'all be asleep right now?" I joke slightly as I read the messages on the chat.

Everyone says 'hi' or 'omg' and I giggle quietly to myself. I bloody love interacting with fans.

"Hello, everyone! I guess we can start, hm? Did you all see my new song?" I question, my face brightens up when I see spam of 'yes' and 'i love it'. "Good! Good! I'm glad you enjoyed it! So in that case, gimme some questions. Ask whatever you want about the song or the video or anything music related" I request, narrowing my eyes at my phone not to miss any good questions. A lot of them isn't about music, so I ignore them.

when's the album dropping??

"The album will be released on September 7th. Actually, it's gonna be my birthday, so I hope everything works out" I inform them with a nervous chuckle at the end.

how was working with hailee?

"Hailee is great, working with her was cool. She's so fun to be around, but on the other hand, she's very dedicated to work. We could laugh our arses off in one second and in another she's already in her role. So it was very easy to finish the whole thing" I say truthfully, smiling at the memories of our days on the plan. "To be honest I was mostly the problem on the set as I couldn't get serious enough sometimes" I laugh out.

why song with her?

"We caught up on the Grammys this year and actually it was Hailee who suggested to hit the studio together and I was 'hell yeah'" I recall that night with a stupid grin. "And we went to the studio a few times before my tour. And like I said, she's professional, so we wrote and recorded the song fast. And I mean, why not with her? She's one of my best friends and we had similar ideas about what we want to write, so we used this for our benefit, I guess" I explain the best I can, even if I think the question was kinda rude.

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