KNOWING ME KNOWING YOU ⇒ jegulus one shots

YOU MISSED MY HEART

YOU MISSED MY HEART,
YOU GOT ME GOOD,
I KNEW YOU WOULD,
BUT YOU MISSED MY HEART.
- You Missed My Heart, Phoebe Bridger's

"If you..if you can convince my brother to speak with me, tell him there's something important he needs to know about,"

"I thought that was a black listed subject for us," James says. They're laying beside one another in the dark. "Sirius, the war, everything else,"

Regulus doesn't rely but James can feel him stiffen a little.

"I...I just don't get it," James comments, beneath the covers of the duvets, naked and vulnerable, his voice hushed and quiet. "Why...why do you do it then? Because of your parents-"

"Because I have to," Regulus shuts him up instantly. He rolls further away from James, his arms outstretched as he rises to leave the bed. James is glad for the darkness of the room; that way he does not have to face that sickening mark upon Regulus' frail, skinny wrist. "You don't even bloody know the half of it,"

"Why don't you bloody open your mouth and tell me then? I'd...I'd listen, y'know?"

Regulus sighs. "This...this is ridiculous. We can't do this anymore. It's dangerous and it's pointless," He remarks. "It isn't doing anyone any good," He says coldly.

James blinks at him. "It was doing you pretty good fifteen minutes ago when you were sucking my-"

Regulus hisses at James to be quiet. James shakes his head. "I just don't understand why you're so crippled with shame," James murmurs, turning over in the bed. He doesn't know why he said it. James is just as crippled with shame.

"I'm not ashamed of you, James," Regulus utters quietly, taking a seat at the edge of the mattress.

James rolls his brown eyes, unconvinced. "Yeah. Right. While, you could have fooled me," He snides icily before undoing himself from the blankets. He begins dressing himself quickly. "You're right, this is maybe getting a little pointless, eh?" He chirps. He chuckles bitterly. "Pointless, that's the word you used, wasn't it?"

"Oh, James, c'mon, I didn't mean it like that, you know that I...that I-"

James doesn't let him finish. James doesn't care to talk about it anymore. "Let's...let's just give it a break for awhile. We've been fucking each other senseless since last year and...and it's been nice but I'd rather just leave it now," He says firmly.

James isn't even sure if he means it. He isn't sure if this is what he wants. But they're in the middle of a war. Regulus should be his enemy, they're on opposing sides. But James knows, he knows deep down, that Regulus doesn't want this.

They've been casual since James' last year of school. James will never tell Regulus this, but since roughly ten months ago, James has exclusively only been with Regulus. But James will not mention this. He doesn't want to risk giving Regulus the idea that James has developed any sort of feelings for him.

James likes to think that he doesn't particularly care for Regulus. But he knows that perhaps that is not true. He tries to pretend that it is just about the sex. But sometimes James catches himself gawking discreetly at the mark upon Regulus' wrist and wondering why James himself couldn't have prevented that.

Besides, Regulus is bordering on eighteen. Aren't they all a little too young for this? James himself is barely nineteen and he feels as though he has aged beyond his years.