KNOWING ME KNOWING YOU ⇒ jegulus one shots

"I'VE NEVER BEEN SO LUCKY"

It is Matthias' third birthday.

James knows the events of the day before they have even occuded. They have occurred every year since their little boy was brought into this world, his lungs providing him enough air to screech loudly and his face twisted and red with the pure force of his echoing volume.

James rolls over. It is late afternoon. Regulus is not beside him. "Reg?" James wonders softly, feeling his husband's side of the bed icy and empty. James slowly eases himself up from their bed. "Regulus?" He calls quietly. James half fears the events have already begun.

He revieves a soft spoken reply of, "In the kitchen, love,"

James wanders down the hall to find Regulus, Matthias on his hip, as he stirs some eggs in a pot. "Good morning, birthday boy," James smiles as soon as he sees his son, his head of soft, slight dark curls matching his fathers. His eyes as brown and warm as James' are.

Matthias smiles toothily. "Birthday!" He cheers. Regulus smiles at him, pressing a delicate kiss to his chubby little cheek.

"I know, m'love, you're three today, aren't you?" Regulus hums as he splashes the eggs onto three plates; plopping slices of toast next to them, Matthias' plate is much smaller than theirs. He is much smaller than them. Their little angel is three today.

James smiles, gently taking his son from his husband. He kisses the top of his boy's head before running his hand over the softness of his hair, brushing those curls back so he can see those large chocolate eyes. "Happy birthday, honey,"

They eat their breakfast with a lot of incoherent chatter from their little one. But once evening falls, James receives the same words he usually does once it turns evening time on Matthias' birthday. "I'm just going out for a drink with Sirius, I'll be back in a bit,"

But James knows that Regulus will return in the late hours of the morning, his face flushed from gin and his eyes wet with guilt and his expression and heart heavy with brutal shame. A guilt he can not seem to shake, despite the years that have passed.

James understands. He doesn't question it anymore, far too used to Regulus' tiresome behavior on Matthias' birthday to quiz him. He just allows Regulus his time to grieve his actions, lay them to rest for another year until the events begin again when Matthias turns four.

James simply allows himself to curl up in bed, wrapping the warmth of the blankets around him. He falls asleep not long after. He is better asleep than awaiting Regulus to come back to them. But he always comes back. Matthias' birth had proven that. But Regulus never believes this, despite how James reminds him that he did come back to them after seven long months.

Regulus, like most husbands, perhaps like most father's too, had been a mess. A total, entire and utter mess. He had been there for the first three months, if not a little distant and unsure. He had still been there, even if he had been quiet and insecure and oh so afraid. James reminds him of this endlessly.

But once James had entered his second trimester, Regulus seemed to have gotten cold feet.

"You know...he...he left me the house. I...I think I'd be better to stay there for a bit," Regulus had whispered one night in the darkness of their bedroom. James could tell by the croak of his voice that he had been crying, weeping silently next to him in their bed. James had begun to wonder if it was he that Regulus had become distraught over.

James had swallowed, nodding in the dark, despite how Regulus could not see him. He had allowed a gentle hand to fall to his belly, willing it all to be alright in the end. "Okay," He had answered, his voice quiter than it ever had been before. "If that's what...if that's what you need,"