Yoda: To hear the mission report, I want.
Fives: Yes sir, but fair warning it gets a bit graphic toward the end. So it was a normal mission on Umbara except our General was so rudely snatched away. So it all started when...
---
On Umbara
Krell: Understood?
Rex: Yes sir.
Fives: Bam bam, yes ma'am.
Krell: Trooper watch your tone and the way in which you speak to me! I am your general, your superior.
Fives: If your my general then why are you such an ass!
Krell: That's it. *aggressively writes note and stapples it to Fives chest* I want you to march to tour quarters and contact General Skywalker. Show him this exact note amd report back to me what he said tomorrow.
Fives: Bam bam yes-
Krell: GO!!!
Fives: *walks in quarters and sends transmission to Anakin* Hewo General.
Anakin: Oh good lord. What is it jow Fives?
Fives: Krelly poo asked me to give you this note.
Anakin: *reads the jote on his chest and gasps dramaticlly*
Fives: What? What does it say?
Anakin: That little shit told me that maybe if I did my job better then you would be better behaved! I can't believe the nervenof that motherfu-
Fives: General he also asked for a response from you.
Anakin: He wants a respo- oh I'll give him a response! You tell him, to mind his damn business before I come down there and beat his ass!
Fives: Uh okay do you want me to say it like that or should I just take some stuff out or...?
Anakin: What'd I say! Ypu tell him to mind his damn business before I come down there and beat his ass!
Fives: Yeah I heard what you said I just want to make sure that you know that your telling me to say the same thing-
Anakin: Fives if I have to tell you again Krelly's ass won't be the only one I beat.
Fives: Alright okay. Nah I got it. Okay alright yeah yeah alright. I got it, I got it. Okay. Alright. *loses transmission and suddenly becomes aware of the no cussing rule for clones* Uh oh I better practice my lines. Skywalker told me to tell you, to mind your DAMN- jo that's too loud. Its not believable. It's, yeah no.
---
12 hours later
Fives: Finally I tuink I got it! *walks to the main bridge*
Jesse: Hey look everybody Fives is here!
Fives: Oh you've got to be shitting me.
Kix: Hey Fives!
Hardcase: Hey bro, how's life?
Fives: At the moment? Pretty sucky.
Jesse: What!? Why?
Fives: Look I've got a big day amd I can't have ya'll throwing me off. Just get behind cover when I walk up to Krell cause it's about to go dooooown.
Kix: What do you mean it's about to go down?
Fives: Look man that's all I can say alright it's about to go down!
Hardcase: Um okay? Sure, I guess.
Krell: *spots Fives* CT-5555.
Fives: Krell.
Krell: Did you show Skywalker the message?
Fives: Yes. I. Did.
Krell: And what did he say?
Fives: *looks at friends and mouths "its about to go down"* He told me, to tell you... to mind your DAMN MOTHERFUCKING BUSINESS BITCH!! LITTLE STUPID SHITTY BITCH!! LITTLE DUMB JEDI BITCH!! 2 + 2 NOT-KNOWING-WHAT-THE-FUCK-IT IS BITCH!! CROSS-EYED BROODY IDIOT BITCH!!! LONG TITTY NO NIPPLES BITCH!!!
Hardcase: OOOOOOOHHHHHHHH HE SAID KRELLY POO HAS NO NIPPLESSSSS!!!
Kix: BURN!!
Echo in heaven: That's my friend!
Jesse: Fucking roasted bitch.
YOU ARE READING
Clone Wars Randomness
HumorBasically a book filled with everything the clone wars. And the occasional bad batch as well. Not particularly one shots but definitely still hilarious.
