All the Feels

Chapter 23

Billy

It took most of Sunday to clean up the mess at the shop. Luckily Ramon's dad is a plumber and he was able to come fix the pipe, but the floor was practically flooded and a shit ton of equipment and supplies was compromised so we spent the day cleaning and organizing everything. By the time I was done it was late and when I tried to call Ainsley she didn't answer. I figured she was hanging with Willow, or still feeling hung over, so I didn't think much of it.

When she didn't respond to my calls or texts on Monday I started to get concerned. When Tuesday rolled around and I still hadn't heard from her, I started wracking my brain, wondering if I had done something wrong. But I couldn't think of any reason why she'd be pissed at me. So when Wednesday rolled around and I still hadn't heard a word from her I was well and truly freaking out. I knew she was getting my messages, I could see that she was reading them, but she wasn't responding and it was pissing me off as well as concerning me. It wasn't like Ainsley. So I decided to go to her house after work and confront her.

When I pulled up in front of her house, my heart started hammering out of my chest thinking she was going to dump me. I couldn't figure out a reason why, but maybe she just wasn't as into me as I was into her. Or maybe she was freaked out that things were moving too quickly. Maybe I shouldn't have said that thing about having kids at Thanksgiving. The thoughts were getting all jumbled in my brain, and I just needed to confront her.

I climbed the porch and rang the bell, waiting for the door to answer. When it swung open and Ainsley stood there, part of me felt relief until I got a good look at her. She didn't smile at me, if anything her eyes looked glossy with tears. Dark circles were present under them and she looked more unkempt than I had ever seen her.

"Billy? What are you doing here?" She asks, her voice sounding tired and broken. I furrow my brows at her and push into her house.

"You ghosted me, Ains. What the fuck? I've been calling and texting for days. What's going on?" I ask and she averts her eyes.

"Something important came up and I've been trying to deal with it." She says quietly, her whole demeanor looking lost and withdrawn.

"What is it, angel? What's going on?" I practically beg of her and she sighs, looking up at me with tearful eyes.

"Travis. Um, Willow's biological father..." She says and I feel my heart drop into my chest. "He came here and said he w-wants Willow." She stammers, her bottom lip quivering with tears.

"What?!" I exclaim, red hot fury coursing through me as I clench my fists in anger.

"His grandfather won't give him his inheritance if he doesn't have any children, so Travis wants custody of Willow. I've been trying to find a lawyer, but with the short time line they all want an arm and a leg. I tried to take out a loan, but no one would give me one since I don't have any collateral. I tried to take out a second mortgage on the house, but that takes too long. I don't have nearly enough savings and all of Sarah's life insurance went to her final expenses. What little I had left I used for a down payment on this house. I was living in an apartment before and I w-wanted Willow to have a y-yard to play in." She says, tears streaming down my face.

I watch her fall apart in front of me, this woman who I thought was my best friend, my partner. This whole time she's been dealing with this alone.

And she straight up ignored me.

"What do you mean by short timeline? When is this happening?" I ask, dreading the answer.

"Friday." She says, her voice breaking on a sob.

"Are you fucking serious, Ainsley? That's in two days! Some asshole came here saying he wants to take Willow away from us in a matter of days and you don't even think to fucking call me?" I yell, not proud that I'm raising my voice, but I'm pure rage at this point. "Actually, not us. Just you because apparently I don't matter anywhere in this equation." I seethe and her brow furrows in confusion as she wipes away her tears.

"What are you talking about?" She asks and I scoff.

"I thought you were different! I stood right fucking here and told you I wanted in. I wanted to be a God damn priority. That I wanted to be the person you came to when shit got hard and now someone is going to try and take Willow away and you didn't even bother to tell me? Do you really care so little about me!?" I ask and she steps away from me, anger flashing across her face.

"This isn't about you, Billy. This is about Willow." She says and I scoff, pacing the room as I try to get my anger in check. I try taking a few deep breaths, but that does shit to calm my racing pulse.

"Of course it's about Willow, Ainsley. Willow is the most important person! To both of us! You should have called me! You should have asked me for help! Where is she now?" I ask and Ainsley shrugs.

"At Rory's. He's been watching her while I call all over town looking for a lawyer." She says defensively and I growl in frustration.

"I should be helping you make those phone calls. We should be doing this together! Fuck! Don't you fucking get it!" I scream and she looks even more confused.

"Get what?" She snarls back.

"I love you, Ainsley. I fucking love you and Willow more than anything on this God damn planet. I would move mountains for you and that girl. But I don't even rate a fucking phone call from you when the shit hits the fan?! You thought I wouldn't notice when she just disappeared? That I wouldn't care?" I seethe and her face blanks in shock.

"Billy..." She says quietly, but I shake my head, walking towards the door.

"No. I don't want to hear it. I thought you were different, Ainsley. I thought you were special. I really did. I thought I was on my way to being Willow's dad. To being the dad of any other kids that you had. But now I see it how it is. I'm nothing more than a place holder. Just a discardable person in your life." I say sadly, my hand on the doorknob.

"Billy! Wait!" She yells and I sigh, shaking my head.

"I'm tired of waiting. I'm done begging to be important to someone. I'm done. Bye, Ainsley." I say before leaving the house, slamming the door behind me.

I get into my car, slamming that door too and pressing the gas harder than I need to, needing to get as far away from her, as far from the pain as I can. I knew it would hurt if things went bad with us, but fuck I didn't think it would feel like my chest was being ripped in two.

"FUCK!" I scream, when I hit a red light, smashing my fists against my steering wheel as the first tears begin to fall.

I'm angry at her. I'm angry at her for not coming to me with this, I'm angry at Willow's sperm donor for trying to take her away. I'm angry I didn't tell Ainsley how I felt sooner, maybe that would have pushed her to rely on me. To know that I meant what I said.

I pull up to my apartment building, pulling out my phone and seeing Ainsley's name across the screen. I scoff at the sight.

"Sure. Now you call me." I mutter to myself and send her to voicemail.

I close the door behind me, my dark, quiet apartment feeling lonelier than it ever has before. I sigh heavily, not bothering to turn on any lights. I go sit on the couch, not caring to wipe away the tears that fall. I sit there until I eventually fall asleep, the misery following me into my dreams.