All the Feels

Chapter 8

Billy

"Of course I didn't forget about you, Pippy. I could never forget about my favorite girls." I say with as bright of a smile as I can muster.

"I was stuck at work and I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to lose track of time. I made a mistake and I will do my best to never let it happen again." I say firmly never breaking eye contact with Willow. I feel terrible for letting this little ball of sunshine down. She didn't deserve it.

"It's ok." She says, but she looks sad and I decide I can't stand to see her like that anymore, so I reach out and tickle her until a smile cracks on her face and her sweet little laughter fills the dark, quiet night. Ainsley takes a step forward and gently grabs Willow, pulling her back into the house. I stand up from where I was kneeling in front of Willow and watch her nervously.

"Go back up to bed please, baby." She tells Willow and Willow whines in response.

"But Mom! Billy just got here!" She cries out in anger and Ainsley sighs.

"He's not staying." She says resolutely and another shot of pain tracks through me. Willow sighs before she turns and heads back up the stairs. Before she reaches the top she turns to look at me.

"You'll come back tomorrow, right?" She asks and Ainsley gives me a firm look.

"I'm not sure yet, Pippy." It breaks my heart to not tell her that I will abso-fucking-lutely be back tomorrow, but I'm not sure Ainsley will allow that. Willow's face drops a little and she continues her trek up the stairs. I sigh and run a frustrated hand through my hair, not wanting to disappoint Willow even more. I look up at Ainsley who's watching me with a hard glare.

"Ains, just tell me how to fix this." I practically beg and she shakes her head, her chin wobbling as her eyes water. I inhale a sharp breath at the sight and take a step towards her. She doesn't back away, so I risk another step towards her. A tear tracks down her face and she swipes it away with the sleeve of her shirt.

"Ains?" I ask and she huffs out a little sob.

"I know. My reaction seems crazy. I know, you don't have to tell me." She says, her voice wobbling through her tears. Seeing her cry like this because of something I did makes my chest hurt like it's cracked open in two.

"Can you tell me what's going on?" I ask, completely unsure how to handle this situation. I reach out to rub my palm along her arm, trying to soothe her as she catches her breath.

"I know it seems insane it's just, when you didn't show up or answer your phone it just felt like..." She pauses to take a few more deep breaths. "It felt like the night Sarah died." She practically whispers and it feels like a rock just fell in my stomach.

"Ah, fuck. I'm so sorry." I tell her, wrapping my arms around her gently in case she wants to push me away.

She doesn't. Instead she leans into me, her body trembling as she tries to hold back her tears. I lead her gently over to the couch and pull her down onto my lap, pulling her in close. She tucks her face into my neck and I feel her tears dampen my shirt. I rub her back in as soothing of a motion as I can, still not sure how to handle these emotions coming from her. I've never dealt with someone who feels things this strongly.

At least not for me.

"I'm sorry." She mutters and I tighten my grip on her.

"Don't fucking apologize, Ains. This isn't your fault. This is my fault. You didn't do anything wrong. I don't think you could if you even tried. You're a fucking angel." I say firmly, pressing a kiss to her temple. "My angel." I murmur in her ear and she huffs out a small laugh.

"That's the over exaggeration of the year." She says with a small smile. I chuckle a little, gripping her chin to get her to look at me.

"No. You are an angel. For Willow, for Sarah and for me. I'm grateful you let me in your life and if you let me stay I promise to do better." I say and she nods before dropping her gaze.

"I don't care about me, Billy. It's about Willow. The look on her face when you didn't show... It about killed me. I never want to see that again." She says and I nod in agreement.

"You're right. This is just an adjustment for me. I haven't had to worry about anyone but myself in a long time, but I can do it. I'll do it for you, angel." She gives me a sad smile before rolling her eyes.

"You're gonna call me 'angel' now?" She asks and I shrug.

"I always called girls 'babe' but I don't want to call you that. You're different. More special to me." I say and she let's out a little sigh. I plant kisses on her cheek and jaw, nuzzling my nose with hers. She gives me an authentic smile at that and wraps her arms around my neck.

"Can you forgive me?" I ask and she shrugs.

"I suppose. But I'm serious, Billy. There are no more chances. If you hurt Willow again, that's it." She says firmly and I admire her commitment to her daughter. I nod, squeezing her in a warm embrace.

"I know." I say and I can tell she's still irritated with me. "Do you want me to go?" I ask and she sighs.

"Yes. But no." She says with an annoyed tone that makes me chuckle.

"I'm going to focus on the 'no' part." I say, kicking off my shoes and laying down on the couch, I tuck her into my side and run my hand through her hair. Her body melds perfectly to mine and she feels like a part of me.

My missing piece.

I sigh in content, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. She nuzzles her face into my chest and I smile at the simple movement.

"It would be easier to stay mad at you if you didn't smell so damn good." She mutters bitterly and I can't help but bark out a laugh.

"I'll just try not to make you mad anymore." I say. She chuckles a little and nods, rubbing her cheek against my chest.

"I was mad at you. But I was also worried about you." She says quietly and I pull her impossibly closer to me, her words touching parts of my soul that I thought had died out a long time ago.

"I don't want to make you worry about me, but is it selfish to say that I'm glad you care enough to?" I ask quietly. She smiles up at me, her eyes bright and nose a little red from her crying. I reach out to run my knuckles down her cheek, craving her touch any way that I can get it.

"No. Everyone wants to be cared about." She says, adjusting back into me. I pull the blanket off the back of the couch and tuck us in, trying to savor this moment.

It's like every dream I've had come true. An amazing girl in my arms, a kid asleep upstairs. All we need is a Christmas tree in the corner and a movie on and it's like the perfect Hallmark moment. An ache of longing goes through me at the thought and I listen as Ainsley's breathing slows.

"You want me to go?" I murmur quietly to her, she shakes her head and tightens her grip on me.

"No. Stay right here with me." She says sleepily, her eyes closed and I watch as her body relaxes into mine, her words hitting me square in the chest because I know I'd stay forever if she'd let me.