Hold on || dreamnotfound

chapter nineteen

sapnap's point of view

I shot up as soon as I heard the noise of something breaking and instantly ran upstairs. George was knocking on the bathroom door, his face covered with tears that were streaming down in an incredible speed. I didn't know what was going on but whatever it was, it must be worse than anything he had seen before.

My fingers traced through my pockets, trying to find the key I was always keeping in there in case Clay locked himself in the bathroom again. Within the next seconds, the door swung open and I stepped inside, my eyes widening when I saw the scene in front of me.

Clay was definitely having a full on panic attack by the time I stepped in, glass scattered around the whole bathroom, one piece even digging into his arm. I raced to his side before pulling him up and carrying him out of the room. Every time he moved, he seemed to cut himself again which was unpreventable due to the fact that he was sitting in between broken glass.

He fell onto his knees again before I could get him to his bed, forcefully gripping onto the carpet. George was right behind me, not saying a single word while I inspected my friend in front of me. It seemed like he wasn't breathing at all, his chest not moving a tiny bit and his face slowly turning into a shade of purple.

"Clay please stay with us" I said while shaking his body as an act to try and get him back into reality so he could cooperate with me. But all he did was zoning out again, staring into nothingness and everything at once. "Hey no no no! Please breathe alright? Don't pass out. You can do this!" I continued, George quietly stepping closer and sitting down next to Clay. It was painfully obvious how much they loved eachother and yet, they managed to mess things up.

Clay's hand suddenly grabbed George's arm, squeezing it tightly, probably searching for support. A sad smile flashed across the brit's face. "Dream! I'm so sorry, alright. I never meant for any of this to happen" he sobbed while letting a hand glide into our friend's hair, gently gracing through it. But nothing we did seemed to help, his grip only getting tighter while his eyes became more empty.

At this point, I knew that we couldn't prevent him from passing out so I just gently grabbed his hand to try and comfort him. I was hoping I could get rid of the fear in his eyes which were now slowly rolling up, confirming my apprehension.

"I love you, Dream" George croaked before Clay's body slumped down.

I looked at him, internally sighing. At least he did say it now.

Better late than never...

But I genuinely doubted that Dream heard his words since he already lied in my arms, loose and heavy.

When I took a closer look at him, I realised he was only a shadow of his former self. Of course, I didn't ever see him when he was mentally completely healthy, but in the beginning he still had some colour on his now sunken cheeks. They were pale and noxious, the thin skin stretching over his cheekbones, making his face look transparent.

His blonde hair sticked to his scalp, looking dull and unhealthy for it had also lost its sheen. Dry lips and dark shadows under his closed eyes made it seem as if his body was just a lifeless shell, as if the living creature in it had already died long ago.

Maybe depression felt like that. I had no idea but I certainly knew that I had to do something. I couldn't wait any longer for him to make the first step himself because he probably never would.

With George's help, I carried Clay onto his bed, bedding his head onto a soft pillow. In my head, I had come to the conclusion that I would call a therapist myself. If it already was a fait accompli, he wouldn't be able to refuse taking a few hours.