Th*rsty (Scomiche)

I'll Be Over You (Part 3)

“There were the nights holding you close. Someday I’ll try to forget them. Someday I’ll be over you.”

I’ll Be Over You by Toto

---

How does someone cope with losing their first love? How does someone say goodbye to dreams of a shared future? How does someone go from being a couple to being single again after sharing a quarter of their life with another person?

How does someone move on?

I’ve been told that there is no specific formula for getting over someone, especially your first love.

But I knew that some of the ingredients were space and distance. You don’t stay near the fire that burned you, right? You find something to protect yourself and then you stay away as far as you can, so that you won’t be near the heat and you won’t have a difficult time breathing with all the smoke.

In short, I knew that what I needed was to stay away from Scott.

However, even after breaking up, Scott still managed to call the shots.

It was pathetic, really, but can you blame me? I lost the two most important men in my life within two months. Every time I cried, I mourned not only the loss of my father but also the loss of my first love. My heart was breaking into a million pieces and I can’t even share my pain with my family because they didn’t know about me and Scott. I was falling apart and yet I had to put up a brave face because the rest of my family drew strength from me, even when I had very little to give.

*****

“I don’t think we should continue talking to one another,” I said softly to Scott who was on the other line. It was one of the first post-break up conversations we had.

“I understand why you would want that but I’m worried about you. You just lost your dad and you know that if there’s anybody who really understands what you’re going through right now, that would be me,” he replied.

I sighed. Scott was right. None of my friends had gone through what I just did except for him, since we both lost our fathers to terminal cancer. He also knew me best since he wasn’t just my boyfriend but my best friend.

“But it will be harder for me to move on if we keep having some kind of contact.”

I heard him take a deep breath. “You don’t have to talk to me. But I just want to make sure you’re okay,” he insisted.

The conversation eventually ended. My initial plan to cut all kinds of contact changed. We compromised even when it wasn’t necessary for me to grant any of his requests. We remained Facebook friends. I unfollowed him on Twitter and Instagram but I changed the privacy of both accounts to public so that he could freely see them. I also debated about deleting his number but immediately realized it was pointless since I have memorized it by heart.

I had every intention of staying away from him but I was in such a low point in my life that I clung on to anything to get by. Every time I missed my dad, I found myself talking to Scott. Hearing his voice, or even just texting or chatting with him brought me comfort. I repeatedly told myself that I was only reaching out because he was the one person who truly understood me, and that we were at least friends. I was grieving and in such pain that I didn’t even stop to think about what I was doing and how it was going to affect me in the long run.

I convinced myself that I was a friend in need and Scott was just being a good friend.

*****