Can I love you?

Graduation party

-(time skip: graduation party)-

I was waiting for  Emma in the hallway of her house. Her parents was standing there and also waiting for her. I meet she a few months ago since we are dating each other. They are really kind and I also like them. I was picking she up for our graduation party. Since Billie saw  us both, kissing in the hall from the school she didn't say anything to me what have nothing to do with school. Sometimes she looked at me and I at her but nothing more. I was now with someone other and that is it. I have to move on, she said she don't want to leave him for all what he did and I said I help her but it look like she don't trust me enough or something like that. 

I looked up and Emma comes the stairs down toward me and smiled as she saw me, standing there waiting for her. She kissed me as she was in front of me. "I would say we take some pictures for the both of yo" her mother said and stand there with her phone. "Okay" we both say and she take some pictures before we left the house toward my car that I got a few months ago. It was the last day of school and we want to celebrate it that we all begin a new life. I get a job in New York in a big company for a CEO (sorry I have no job ideas). 

We arrived at the school  and I stopped the engine and looked over to her and take her hand in mine. "Ready?", "yes" she say and placed a kiss on her cheek and open my door and get out to open her door and give her my hand to get out. She take them and thank me. She take my arm in hers and we walked to the entrance, and we can already hear the loud music from inside and the different lights. The last evening with thee people I know here, after this our ways separate, the last evening I would see Billie. I smiled as Emma smiled to me as we enter the gym from our school. People stand there or was dancing with each other, it was a good mood and we all want to enjoy it. Hours passed and I enjoy the time with Emma and other friends, my  eyes look around over the people like I search something, or better someone. i wanted to see her, a last time. Before I can't anymore. I would leave the town here for years and never looked back. Sure I would come sometimes to meet my family, but not her. I stopped looking for her as I didn't saw she. My heart fell heavy, the thought of never seeing she again but I decide to and this thing we had and so was it. I can't take it back now, it is over. 

I excuse myself to Emma and our friends to drink some and as I stand there, with a filled cup in my hand, I saw she. I stopped drinking, and looked at her. She looked so good in her dress like at the party I've met she before we was at her home. The memories from this night and the morning after that comes back in my head, the truth is, they never leave my mind. She was always there and there was no second without her in my mind, but I have to get she out there. Suddenly her eyes meet mine and all around me feel like the time stopped. There was just she and me, no other, no other sounds. She bring my world to stand still, just for her and for the moment. I can't take my eyes away. She haunt me and I can't do anything against it, I've missed she, but I was not allowed to do it anymore. She hurt me and I thought it would make it easier to forget she, but it hurts even more. Our eyes never leave each other. She look hurt, and so also me. I wished to feel her soft lips again against mine, my arms around her, laughing with her around and her body  pressed against mine. She let me feel things I've  never feel before and I wished I had told her but I was not sure was I was for her, was I just something to fuck when her husband was not there, or more. Suddenly someone touched my shoulder and I get back into reality. My eyes leave she and looked at Emma. "I was worried you didn't come back" she laughed soft. "Oh I'm sorry" I fake smiled at her. Why does she have to do it now, I thought and clenched my jaw together. "Is all okay y/n?" she ask worried and squeeze my shoulder, I nodded my head, not wanting to let her know what I think. 

She take my hand and more hours passed by. It was almost midnight and I get tired. Emma was somewhere with a friend and I stand in the corner by myself, lost in my thought. 

"Hey" a familiar voice say and bring me back in reality. I looked at the blond woman in front of me, not saying a word. "I'm sorry, I know you said that I stop talking to you but I just wanted to say goodbye. You know it's the last time we see and yes" she say. My heart dropped inside of my chest. She looked really hurt, now I can see it better in her brown eyes. Usually they have a shimmer in it but not since the day I said I can't anymore. "It's okay Billie" I slight smile and gulp the limp down, who build up in my throat. She also try to smile. "I wish you the best y/n, I really do. And I'm sor-", "please Billie don't say it" I beg her, to not say it, I know I can't handle it. "okay" she almost whisper, looking down on the floor. "I will miss you" I suddenly say, making she look back into my eyes. Tears build up in her eyes as she heard this words from me. "Me too" she whisper, I think she don't want me to hear it but I did. "I have to go now" I take her right hand in mine, not knowing why I did it and squeeze them slight, a sad smile build up at my face, as I look at our hands. I let them go and texted Emma that I can't find her and I go now. I was outside of the gym, on my phone as I suddenly hear someone yelled my name. I turn back and saw Billie walking toward me. What did she want?, I ask me and looked at her s  she walked up to me. She stand in front of me, not saying a word, just looking at me. "Yes?", I ask wanting to hear what she wanted to say. Her mouth open and closed again, she didn't say a word. I wished she just would do it but she didn't do it. "I go now" I say and let she stand there by herself, not looking back at her. I looked from the corner of my eyes to her, she still stand there looking at me. A tear roll my cheek down as I get into my car and start the engine and drove away. I wished she just said what she thought, but again no one of us did it...

Billie's pov: 

The whole evening I was looking at y/n, then I saw she standing alone in the corner and decide to talk to her, But as I was next to her, I didn't found the right words to talk to her. I just said goodbye and so one, how stupid from me. Then she get and I now it was the last chance to say her what I was supposed to say. I didn't get she out of my mind, and I should but I can't and I don#t want, I want to be with her, and seeing she with Emma make me jealous and angry. She make me so much happier then everyone did before,and I want to let she know, so I walk behind her but again I lost my words and I can't say what I wanted to say. Why I am just so stupid. Fuck Billie c'mon on now, say her. But my brain decide to just do... nothing. I saw in her eyes that she was waiting for me to say something, but I was afraid. So she leave again, me looking at her as she drove away, hating myself now for what I didn't did. I wanted to be with her but I didn't had the courage to say it her, I was not good in such things and I regret every decision I did in the last months. Seeing she drive away broke my heart in million pieces and let the tears again build up in my eyes. 

I will never see she again....

this play over and over in my head, make me sad and angry at the same time...

________

A/N: I really don't know what that is and I hope the next chapter would be better. Yes....