Can I love you?

Don't flip out

TW: angst (i thing this is it idrk, i'm sorry)

_____________________________

The whole day Lisa and I didn't talk with each other. It was weird to not talk with her today but why did she act so?.

I walk home and think about it the whole way. Then I got a message from Billie:

Billie: hey babe, are you still coming today? :)

I start smiling wide at the pet name and I type a answer.

Yes of course

Billie: Can't wait to see you, and this not in school ;)

I let out a small giggle as I read the message and rolled my eyes playful.

Already so needy?

Billie: who know. Come over at 6 and find it out 😏😉

See you later Billie💖

Billie: See you later💖

I smiled more, happy to see Billie again. I know I ever see she in school but this is difficult. In school it is dangerous that someone can see us, but by her home also with her husband. She told me he is gone and not coming back until Sunday. I open the house door and step in, greeted by my mom in the living room. I walk the stairs up in my room and lay my bag in the corner of my room like usual. I let myself fall on my back on the top of my bed, hoping the time goes by quickly, I can't wait to see her again, feel her lips on mine, talking with her not about school things and her body against mine.

____________(time skip 4.pm)

I sat on my bed on my phone and scroll through Instagram and see a view pics from my favourite actress and some pictures from friends or other people . Suddenly I hear my mom yelling my name from the end of the stairs up, so that I can hear she. I stand up, walking to the door and open them and ask she back what is, but no answer.

Oh my god why she always call me, but when I ask what is she didn't answer?.

I rolled my eyes and make my way down and find she sitting on a chair on the kitchen island. A almost empty glass of water stand in front of her and her look on her face look like she is worried. "Mon is all okay?" I ask soft as I enter the kitchen and walk over to her. "Sit you" was the only thing she say and I do. My mother take a deep breath and that her body on the chair to me, that her eyes meet mine. I raised one eyebrow slight at her. "Also (y/n) please don't flip out now okay?","why I should?" I ask she back and she is still looking on me. "Okay I'm sorry " I apologize, because she didn't look like she is in a mode for bad jokes from me. "I have to tell you something and I'm a bit worried how you will react, since your last panic attack it is a long time ago and I think I can do it now". Please not this theme... .I thought and I feel myself hoe m good mode start to fade again. "I meet someone" my mother suddenly spoke. It was not that what I expected to hear now. I thought she would say that we have to talk about the other things that happen but no. I don*t know if I wish me right now that this is our topic but it wasn't. I didn't can say anything about it, I was frozen.She meet someone new? when?."Can you please say something, it is not easy to do it and then no answer from you it make it not more easy for me", I-I don't really know what to say....". My eyes wander around in the room but it was all still normal. "Is- is he here?", "no but I was thinking maybe it would be a good idea that we eat today together" she half smiled as she say it. I feel some tears in my eyes. It was a difficult situation and I was afraid. My mother always want that I talk with someone about it, but I didn't want to talk, not as I was younger and now still too. She ever say it is not good that a child experiences that and maybe she was right. "I don't know if this is a good thing today" I say and try to hold my breath calm, not to hyperventilate. Sure I was happy for her... Why not? she deserve it and she always looked that I am alright and now she want to be happy. I want to say it her but right now I can't. I stand up from my chair and my mother wanted also to help me but I hold she back. "I'm so sorry mom but I can't do this right now. Maybe I will sleep at Lisa's place tonight" I say and run the stairs up and pack a few things. As I finished I grab my bag and go back down. My mother was still sitting on the chair, her face buried in the palm of her hands who support on her elbow at the counter. I take a last look as I go to the door, open she and get out. But what I not told her was, that I don't go to Lisa or Nick or someone she know. I decide to go to Billie.