Can I love you?

Every moment

A/N: I'm sorry but in the next chapter, they will have some time skip because I don't really know what to write there and yes.

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Billie's pov:

I get back in my car and sit still there for a long time, not looking at the clock. I didn't want that it end so, I didn't want that it end but it does and now it was so. It feels like there was nothing in me anymore and I still have tears in my eyes. I know that I have to drive home now, but that was the last I want to do now. I take a deep breath to calm down and wiped the tears from  my eyes. I start the engine and start do drive home, to the least place I want to be now. 

Your pov: 

After some minutes of running and walking I reached the place where I met Emma. I see she standing there with her back to me, waiting of me. I smiled soft as I reached she and tap on her right shoulder with my finger. She turn around and smiled as she saw me. "Hey there are you" she say and hug me. I hug she back and hide my face in her neck. My thoughts were still on the conversation with Billie. We part away fro the hug and she looked into my eyes. I was sure they was a bit red from the crying. "Did you cry?" sh ask worried and placed her hand on my shoulder and squeeze them soft. "Yeah it it nothing" I try to smile. "You know you can talk with me", her smile didn't faded and it make me smile even more. "yeah" I almost whisper and look at her. "Do you want to go to your house before we go somewhere because of your bag?", oh yes the bag I forgot. "Yes that would be a good ideas", "okay I come with you when it's okay" I nodded my head and we go toward my house to bring my bag away. 

--------(time skip, the evening of the day)

Billie's pov: 

I was home, alone, sitting on the couch with a bottle of wine and a filled glass in my hand. In my other hand was my phone and I star on it, thinking if I should write her. I understand what she told me earlier, but I can't help me to not do it. I was on her chat and looked at it, without doing something. Maybe I hope that she get online and in our chat and see that I also online, or that she write me. There was so many thoughts in my head, they I can't sort. I take a big sip from my wine and looked again on the phone on my  lap. 

Your pov:

Emma and I was the whole day together. We was in the cinema and then after this  walking around in different shops to loom around. I  tried to focused on something other then on Billie, but then when I thought I have it, there was she again in my mind. We both got back home and stand in the front of my door again."Thank you for the amazing day today Emma, I really liked it", "me too, maybe you have soon time again and we can go somewhere again if u want. Maybe eating somewhere?", "yes I wold like that". We both smiled and looking at each other as she slowly lean forward to kiss me. The last time she did it immediately, but this time she gave me time to pull away, what I don't did. I closed the gasp between us and our lips touched for the second time. This time the kiss was longer and she soft nibbling on my lips before we pull away. Her cheeks was slight pink and I was sure mine too. We both start giggling before she said 'bye' to me and gave me a quick kiss on my left cheek. As I didn't can see her anymore, I slowly open the door and find my mother and Henry sitting in the living room in front of the TV. "Hey y/n how was it?" my mum ask as I get into the kitchen to drink a glass of water. "Yeah it was better then I thought" I fake smile and cover it with my glass. 

A few hours later I lay in my bed on the side with my body and scroll through my phone. Then, I don't know why, I get on the chat between Billie and me. I smile slight as I read the cute messages we both wrote each other the few months ago. I looked up at her state if she online or  not. She wasn't. Small tears rolled out of my eyes and over my nose, down on my pillow as my mind get flooded with memories from our time together. As she walked for the first time into my classroom,  the first time I kissed she, then as she kissed me bag at the second time and our headmaster always caught us. The thought of our both faces make me giggle soft, still the tears rolling down from my eyes. The first time we sleep together, the morning after. This let me remember that I still have the clothes I get from her in my room after months. The other times we saw each other private and shared the nights at each other places when her husband was not there or my mother sometimes. The feeling when I turn around and saw she still sleeping next to me what makes me smile. The little things  who makes the moment special. The short kisses, the few touches, just sitting there and cuddling the times where we saw each other. Billie didn't look like such a type but she was it and that makes it more better, every little moment we was alone was special for me. 

I was afraid to see she again in school after this today. How will she react and what would I do. 

Was it the right decision? maybe. I just did it for her and for me. I don't want that she lose her job because off that what we did. And I don't want to see her hurt so much and let me falling even more for her then I already are. If she really would care about then she would let me help her. But she didn't. 

I get out of the chat and placed my next to me on my night desk and try to fall asleep. I wipe the tears from my face and turn around on the other side and looked at the place where she lay when she was here the few times. This doesn't make it even better, also I turned back around on the other side to close my eyes and hope to can think about something else then at her. But it was easier to say it then to do it. I don't know how long it took me to fall asleep, but there was still space for her in my mind. 

Billie's pov: 

After hours of looking on our chat I decide to let it so, there was nothing I can do. She said me how she felt and the thought that it was me who hurt her, broke mine hear even more. Why I didn't noticed it. I lay my phone away, still holding my wine glass in my hand. I sign and lay a bit more back and bring my glass toward y lips and drink from it. In my head it plays the question what she do now and if she think about me. Gosh why should she think about me, she make it clear that it was over and so I understand that she closed this chapter in her life before we talked. She also have already someone new, I know it would happen but that it would hurt me so much was nothing that I expect to ever feel.