How To Save A Life - Grey's Anatomy

The less I know, the better

Derek's POV

''Oh god!'' I said out of pure shock not realising the intercom was on.

''Wha-wh-what's g-going o-on?'' Meredith stuttered severely though the intercom.

''Meredith, are you ok?'' I noticed Meredith's stuttering, a symptom of her condition.

''I-I'm fine. W-what's going o-on?'' She stuttered.

''Nothing, just relax, it's all good.'' I tried to calm her down. I turned off the intercom and turned to Lexie.

''Holy crap!'' Was all Lexie could manage to say.

''Holy crap is correct. She's got a massive tumour in her temporal lobe! It looks operable, but we need to find out if it's benign or malignant first.'' I said as I pointed to the shadow on the scan.

''I'll order a biopsy. What do we tell her? She probably thinks she's got alzheimers or something?'' Lexie asked as she reached to grab the phone.

''The truth. We have to tell her the full truth.'' I stood up out of my chair and walked into the scanning room. I helped Meredith out of the machine and into the wheelchair. I gently stroked her hair before kissing her on her forehead. She smiled and rubbed my hand with her thumb before I began wheeling her back to her room. She knew I wouldn't tell her what was wrong until we got back to the room so she didn't even ask. I could tell she was worried, the way she held herself, her presence in the room, the expressions on her face. She was scared out of her mind.

''Meredith.'' I sat down in the chair beside her while Lexie sat on the end of the bed. I grabbed her hand and held it in both of mine. She stared at me looking straight into my eyes, the desperation for an answer.

''W-What's wrong with m-me, D-Derek? It's a-al-alzheimers, isn't it? J-just tell me. Actually d-don't tell me, i-if it's alzheimers, s-s-sq-squeeze my hand.'' She looked down at her hand waiting for me to squeeze it. I never did. She looked at me and a small smile grew on her face, but suddenly dropped when she realised something else must be wrong if it wasn't alzheimers. 

''You've got a tumour. In your temporal lobe. Meredith, we need to do a biopsy. I can't tell if it's benign or malignant just by the scan. Usually I could but I want to be extra sure, okay?'' I brought her hand to my lips and kissed it. I placed it back down on the bed and removed my hands from hers. I stood up over her and kissed her on her forehead. She looked at me, tears welling in her eyes, she was speechless. Lexie stood up off the bed and laid down next to her. She cuddled into her sister and began stroking her hair because that's what she would want done to her if she was hurt. I stopped at the door and just admired them for a second, they had such a strong sisterly bond. 

Meredith never intended on getting to know Lexie, and look where they are now. Their relationship is something none of us ever expected, but are totally grateful for. Without each other they would have been totally different people. 

- - - 

I walked into the scrub room and paused for a second. I went to turn on the tap and realised I couldn't. I couldn't do this. I couldn't cut into my wife's scull, play around in her brain and then close her up like nothing happened. My stomach began to flutter, my heart raced and I broke out in a sweat. I pulled off my scrub cap and pulled the exit door. I stood against the wall outside the scrub room and slid my back down the surface until I was sitting on the floor. This whole situation suddenly hit me, just then. Meredith had a tumour and I was about to cut into her brain. I reached for my pager and punched in Amy's code (they still use pagers and paper charts in this story cuz i hate how they use iPads and their phones). I rubbed my forehead with my hand before running both my hands through my hair. Within minutes Amy was standing over me with her hand out for me to grab. I pushed her hand away and stayed seated against the wall outside the scrub room.